The week started when my LP got stuck again. Me and the stoopid LP system do not get along...
I hate to say this but I'm at my most lazy mode right now. I can't seem to do anything back at home, coz I was so darn tired. Yesterday, hubby was sick in bed, so he didn't go to work and I can't help but feel that tinge of jealousy biting into my flesh. I went back and started lazing, I took out a few pieces, but immediately surrendered to oh-so-powerful laziness.
I really couldn't pick myslef up after that onwards. I lie down and watch Discovery and then think of what I would do if I were a powerful general in WWII. Then I imagine myself to be Anne Frank, the muslim version. Demented, man.
I think all that gorging and gluttony over the past week due to raya visiting has created a lazy monster in me. I'm going out tonight, but I'm too lazy to go. Yet I have to but I dunno.... WTH!
Ok, back to immersing myself in WS...
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
Thursday, 24 September 2009
Such an ass
This week has been a seriously frustrating week. Credits are flying out to the least deserved and the rest of us have been facing music.
Not that I do not love music, but this trance-dance music is the kind that knocks you off your chair, leaving you wishing that you were never born. In some extremes, screaming, throating, hatred-grunting are also fused to create more atmosphere and expression.
NAPFA is the worse of them all. Messed up and yours truly had to clean up the mess.
Then there was the niqc thingy. That had a whole undeserving team earning a silver award for nothingness. Not so cozy nothingness, Faz. I dunno why I had to turn green, when I know that all these human beings just do not possess such a thing called CONSCIENCE. The more I learn about him, the more queasy and nauseating it became. I couldn't look at him with respect anymore. The same way I feel against all the others living in the same first floor lair of theirs.
But I did a clutzy move when I lost the tickets for the MAF and had to report to him. He advised me to see neo. My Gawd, I didn't know that he was just saving his ass, just in case he was shot down and I meekly took instructions from him to see neo. Such an over-exposed ass. I got gunned down on the very spot about irresponsibility, about how we younger ones do not understand the meaning of working together as a community. Such BS la. It's not the community, it's once again, the ass.
I can't wait to get my posting results. That smell of freedom in the air...
I feel so tired after all these, wish I could just leave and lie down and do something like tearing papers and cutting them up into shreds. I feel psycho. I still need to stay behind to do the niqc thingy. sigh.. I wonder what's Laarva up to. Most of the time, she would have left by now....
Countind down to the days when I could just leave and start anew.
Not that I do not love music, but this trance-dance music is the kind that knocks you off your chair, leaving you wishing that you were never born. In some extremes, screaming, throating, hatred-grunting are also fused to create more atmosphere and expression.
NAPFA is the worse of them all. Messed up and yours truly had to clean up the mess.
Then there was the niqc thingy. That had a whole undeserving team earning a silver award for nothingness. Not so cozy nothingness, Faz. I dunno why I had to turn green, when I know that all these human beings just do not possess such a thing called CONSCIENCE. The more I learn about him, the more queasy and nauseating it became. I couldn't look at him with respect anymore. The same way I feel against all the others living in the same first floor lair of theirs.
But I did a clutzy move when I lost the tickets for the MAF and had to report to him. He advised me to see neo. My Gawd, I didn't know that he was just saving his ass, just in case he was shot down and I meekly took instructions from him to see neo. Such an over-exposed ass. I got gunned down on the very spot about irresponsibility, about how we younger ones do not understand the meaning of working together as a community. Such BS la. It's not the community, it's once again, the ass.
I can't wait to get my posting results. That smell of freedom in the air...
I feel so tired after all these, wish I could just leave and lie down and do something like tearing papers and cutting them up into shreds. I feel psycho. I still need to stay behind to do the niqc thingy. sigh.. I wonder what's Laarva up to. Most of the time, she would have left by now....
Countind down to the days when I could just leave and start anew.
Tuesday, 15 September 2009
Of Oatmeal Raisin cookies, posting, physically ill and Patrick Swayze
Last weekend was taken up by spnding quality time with mum n sis baking cookies... We did 3 cookies, and many blunders happen. It was lucky that we didn't burn down the whole kitchen... My first time doing oatmeal raisin cookies. Brought back the nostalgic days Nurah and I went to the library in NIE during fasting month to buy oatmeal raisin cookies for break fast coz we were craving for it... So funny... We went to library for the oatmeal raisin cookies, not for books... How I wished I had captured a moment with her on oatmeal raisin cookies. Wahaha.
Anyway, people seem to know despite the fact that I have managed to keep it under wraps... Its such a stupendous organisation where all these lil unimportant things seems to resonate in people's minds more than how we can effectively and productively do something to change the Goddamn online LP posting.... Most silly and inconvenient thing this wretched place has ever done. Yes, it's new, so we are uncomfortable but ICT is to assist and this is definitely not assisting. So screw the online thingy, I'm not doing it with pride as I used to. Coz its simply silly.
Today, I was so unwell, hubby thought I was preggy. He was soooo edgy for a while. So I went doc and nope, I'm not, so phew. I'm just dehydrated and my body fluids are giving up on me. This is what happen when you stand in the field, under the hot sun, teaching PE, for 6 periods and then not eat properly and not drink well enough during break fast. COngrats. And yeahoo to the scorching hot weather. Makes people grouchy too.
Patrick Swayze died, at 57 and another talented man and wonderful man gone. So scary. Seems that legends die and pop stars and reality TV rules. Man, our media industry really evolved. Love him or hate him , he is well-remembered for Dirty Dancing, most of all Ghost with Demi Moore... And that soundtrack "ohhhh myyy lovveee... my darliiingg...."
Most of all, his resemblance to my dad-in-law... *chuckles*.
Joe's frens called Dad-in-law, Patrick, after Patrick Swayze.
So yeah. I still have no appetite to eat. yet my tummy hurts...
Anyway, people seem to know despite the fact that I have managed to keep it under wraps... Its such a stupendous organisation where all these lil unimportant things seems to resonate in people's minds more than how we can effectively and productively do something to change the Goddamn online LP posting.... Most silly and inconvenient thing this wretched place has ever done. Yes, it's new, so we are uncomfortable but ICT is to assist and this is definitely not assisting. So screw the online thingy, I'm not doing it with pride as I used to. Coz its simply silly.
Today, I was so unwell, hubby thought I was preggy. He was soooo edgy for a while. So I went doc and nope, I'm not, so phew. I'm just dehydrated and my body fluids are giving up on me. This is what happen when you stand in the field, under the hot sun, teaching PE, for 6 periods and then not eat properly and not drink well enough during break fast. COngrats. And yeahoo to the scorching hot weather. Makes people grouchy too.
Patrick Swayze died, at 57 and another talented man and wonderful man gone. So scary. Seems that legends die and pop stars and reality TV rules. Man, our media industry really evolved. Love him or hate him , he is well-remembered for Dirty Dancing, most of all Ghost with Demi Moore... And that soundtrack "ohhhh myyy lovveee... my darliiingg...."
Most of all, his resemblance to my dad-in-law... *chuckles*.
Joe's frens called Dad-in-law, Patrick, after Patrick Swayze.
So yeah. I still have no appetite to eat. yet my tummy hurts...
Tuesday, 25 August 2009
He lived his dreams
Post Birthday
So I turned 28 yesterday. Not a big deal. Kinda reminded me of all my wasted youth. I could have and should have done alot of things that might make me a better person. But 'if's, 'should have's and 'could have's are such sad words...
Kinda happy. Aisyah, the best sister in the world, brought me to Causeway Point to get something for me, however, her plan backfired when she forgotten to bring the voucher she got for me.. So funny.
Mummy and sis got me a birthday card each. Ordered pizza... But I didn't get my pastaaaa... Mummy said she wanna cook pasta but she didn't... She went to buy briyani instead. Hmph. I was sulking like a small kid, quite unbecoming of a 28-year-old, but hey, it's my party, and I cry if I want to... But the time spent was more priceless anyone could asked for. I choked back my tears when my mom told me to learn to be patient and start listening... In other words, start becoming like her. How is that possible? She's the most patient person in the world!
Joe said he had a whole weekend of activity lined up for me.. We're fasting anyway so most likely we only will have dinner with the goons. They suggested Chai Chee Steamboat... So faar... Ah well. I need to get presents for Hairi and Hafiz too. Coz we're celebrating the August babies. Can't wait for this weekend! But its only Tuesday... Such sadness....
Kinda happy. Aisyah, the best sister in the world, brought me to Causeway Point to get something for me, however, her plan backfired when she forgotten to bring the voucher she got for me.. So funny.
Mummy and sis got me a birthday card each. Ordered pizza... But I didn't get my pastaaaa... Mummy said she wanna cook pasta but she didn't... She went to buy briyani instead. Hmph. I was sulking like a small kid, quite unbecoming of a 28-year-old, but hey, it's my party, and I cry if I want to... But the time spent was more priceless anyone could asked for. I choked back my tears when my mom told me to learn to be patient and start listening... In other words, start becoming like her. How is that possible? She's the most patient person in the world!
Joe said he had a whole weekend of activity lined up for me.. We're fasting anyway so most likely we only will have dinner with the goons. They suggested Chai Chee Steamboat... So faar... Ah well. I need to get presents for Hairi and Hafiz too. Coz we're celebrating the August babies. Can't wait for this weekend! But its only Tuesday... Such sadness....
Saturday, 22 August 2009
First day of Ramadhan
Soooo many things happened this past week. But I will start with today.
Today, first day of the Ramadhan. I started off my day by going to school on a Saturday to finish up my NIQC project (coz I dcould not find the notes at home, then after 30mins of searching, found it on TT's table!) only to get stuck coz I don't have KY's part. Decided not to wait for him. Went out to Clementi to go to my favourite Reject Shop. It's exciting coz sometimes you will find very pleasant things at cheap prices there. However, when I got my things and wanted to pay at the counter, the cashier asked me..
"Please pick your 5 G-Strings..."
"Huh??"
"Oh, for every $10 you spend, you'll get 1 free g-string. You spent $50 mah, so choose 5." she pointed to a huge basket next to the cashier.
I was kinda stunned for a while, and I almost wanted to burst out laughing. But I picked out 5 thongs anyway, like a reprimanded child. I dunno if I would look sexy but the prints are so girl-ish or almost child-like. Like navy-striped G-string. And a guitar-printed, distasteful pink and brown thongs. Aww come on, you gotta be kidding me.
The cashier put them into my plastic bag, and I went on my way... I need to teel someone urgently so I called hubby. He laughed when I narrated the whole story to him. It's so weird. Can you imagine if its a male customer? Yikes.
Went home only to realise that Joe had uninstall his Open Offce coz it was taking too much space. So he redownloaded the doc again. I have no MS Word and ordering from mine.sg was a big mistake. Sure, cheaper, but it takes such a long time.
After 2 hours or so, the connection got disconnected and Joe went into a frenzy. Joe darling, don't turn into a monster, please solve problems first. And I am helpless, can't finish up the report. Called Faizal. He said it's ok for me to go to his house later after break fast. I decided that I should just let Ariel do the editing and asked Hongster to send the report to her for vetting anyway. Ok, one burden off. Phew. So tiring.
Ok, off to see if mum-i-l needs help in the kitchen. I'll write more later.
Today, first day of the Ramadhan. I started off my day by going to school on a Saturday to finish up my NIQC project (coz I dcould not find the notes at home, then after 30mins of searching, found it on TT's table!) only to get stuck coz I don't have KY's part. Decided not to wait for him. Went out to Clementi to go to my favourite Reject Shop. It's exciting coz sometimes you will find very pleasant things at cheap prices there. However, when I got my things and wanted to pay at the counter, the cashier asked me..
"Please pick your 5 G-Strings..."
"Huh??"
"Oh, for every $10 you spend, you'll get 1 free g-string. You spent $50 mah, so choose 5." she pointed to a huge basket next to the cashier.
I was kinda stunned for a while, and I almost wanted to burst out laughing. But I picked out 5 thongs anyway, like a reprimanded child. I dunno if I would look sexy but the prints are so girl-ish or almost child-like. Like navy-striped G-string. And a guitar-printed, distasteful pink and brown thongs. Aww come on, you gotta be kidding me.
The cashier put them into my plastic bag, and I went on my way... I need to teel someone urgently so I called hubby. He laughed when I narrated the whole story to him. It's so weird. Can you imagine if its a male customer? Yikes.
Went home only to realise that Joe had uninstall his Open Offce coz it was taking too much space. So he redownloaded the doc again. I have no MS Word and ordering from mine.sg was a big mistake. Sure, cheaper, but it takes such a long time.
After 2 hours or so, the connection got disconnected and Joe went into a frenzy. Joe darling, don't turn into a monster, please solve problems first. And I am helpless, can't finish up the report. Called Faizal. He said it's ok for me to go to his house later after break fast. I decided that I should just let Ariel do the editing and asked Hongster to send the report to her for vetting anyway. Ok, one burden off. Phew. So tiring.
Ok, off to see if mum-i-l needs help in the kitchen. I'll write more later.
Saturday, 15 August 2009
The week went by with lotsa shit and work, with the bitch barking on me on Wednesday, Zippy thingy and Friday, met up with Lisa, together with Lava n Peina. Spent such a looong time in banquet.
Today was Risq Aryff's first birthday celebration. Finally met up with the goons. Been so long. Still did not get to meet Hairi though. He was so late, Joe was so cranky and end up me being so pissed.
Sometimes I wished Joe understands that I can't live in solitude like he can. I mean, I haven't met my friends for some time and all I wanted was to spend time with lil Auni, lil Aryff and lil Soffiyah. And of coz their parents...
I am so sick of living in silence. I find myself so cooped up, I can't shout on top of my lungs, I can't laugh out loud to my heart's content... I know Joe isn't comfy at my place either. I wished he could understand that I feel the same way here. I didn't complain coz I only tolerated. We put off looking for a flat due to financial situation, yes, and I could only understand. But I think I have been so understanding. How can I remedy the situation? I can only keep quiet and understand or try to. I dunno how I could take this. I dunno why am I so patient... I am so crazy.
One day, because of Joe's solitary lifestyle, I am gonna lose touch with my goons lives. And perhaps one day my family. I dun want that.... I want to be with my sister.... I love my sister.... I love mummy. So emo... I wanna go out. I think I'm gonna tell Joe I wanna go NTUC. Maybe a breath of fresh air all alone will make me feel better. This is a perfect excuse to go out.
Today was Risq Aryff's first birthday celebration. Finally met up with the goons. Been so long. Still did not get to meet Hairi though. He was so late, Joe was so cranky and end up me being so pissed.
Sometimes I wished Joe understands that I can't live in solitude like he can. I mean, I haven't met my friends for some time and all I wanted was to spend time with lil Auni, lil Aryff and lil Soffiyah. And of coz their parents...
I am so sick of living in silence. I find myself so cooped up, I can't shout on top of my lungs, I can't laugh out loud to my heart's content... I know Joe isn't comfy at my place either. I wished he could understand that I feel the same way here. I didn't complain coz I only tolerated. We put off looking for a flat due to financial situation, yes, and I could only understand. But I think I have been so understanding. How can I remedy the situation? I can only keep quiet and understand or try to. I dunno how I could take this. I dunno why am I so patient... I am so crazy.
One day, because of Joe's solitary lifestyle, I am gonna lose touch with my goons lives. And perhaps one day my family. I dun want that.... I want to be with my sister.... I love my sister.... I love mummy. So emo... I wanna go out. I think I'm gonna tell Joe I wanna go NTUC. Maybe a breath of fresh air all alone will make me feel better. This is a perfect excuse to go out.
Tuesday, 11 August 2009
Eavesdropping...
Joe mentioned last night that I will frown wheneverI mark.
I'm in the midst of marking when I realise, yes, true.. I was frowning. Great, now I'm self-conscious.
I overheard Cikgu speaking to a parent on the phone. Yes, I know, Kaypoh. But it was loud and I couldnot help it. The parent, I suppose, was angry initiall, but after the conversation, he apologised to Cikgu.
Years and years of handling parents gave Cikgu such calmness and respect. Should dig up a few pointers from him.
".. biarlah saya terangkan dahulu..."
"perkara pun dah berlaku, kita kerjasama la selesaikan nya, kalau tuduh-menuduh, tak kan selesai..."
"... saya faham sangat anak awak tu, bukan dia tak bagus pelajarannya, dia cuma perlu dorongan..."
Let me explain the situation first. It has happened, let us work together to resolve it, don't blame each other. I understand your son completely, it's not that he's no good academically, he needs more encouragement only.
Some of the things he said in a calm, authoratative tone.
Ok going back to class.
I'm in the midst of marking when I realise, yes, true.. I was frowning. Great, now I'm self-conscious.
I overheard Cikgu speaking to a parent on the phone. Yes, I know, Kaypoh. But it was loud and I couldnot help it. The parent, I suppose, was angry initiall, but after the conversation, he apologised to Cikgu.
Years and years of handling parents gave Cikgu such calmness and respect. Should dig up a few pointers from him.
".. biarlah saya terangkan dahulu..."
"perkara pun dah berlaku, kita kerjasama la selesaikan nya, kalau tuduh-menuduh, tak kan selesai..."
"... saya faham sangat anak awak tu, bukan dia tak bagus pelajarannya, dia cuma perlu dorongan..."
Let me explain the situation first. It has happened, let us work together to resolve it, don't blame each other. I understand your son completely, it's not that he's no good academically, he needs more encouragement only.
Some of the things he said in a calm, authoratative tone.
Ok going back to class.
Saturday, 8 August 2009
UPDATES
Let's see.....
Thursday, went to meet up with the girls, Nun, Shimmy and me, tag along Syna to buy white pants... Finally, she got herself a pair! All these for wearing red and white in school.... So funny, should have borrowed her my pants.
Yesterday, everyone was in a sea of red and white in school... So weird. I feel so CNY at the same time. I also noticed not alot of men have white pants.. Only Fairus, Cahmon-Cahmon and Airi don white pants.The rest of the men were wearing white, beige, brown, khaki.. and worse was Ju, who wore something that looks like an American eagle and grey pants... Crazy.
I'm gonna miss Mary. Mary was my first friend in this wretched hell. We are so different yet we have so many babbles to share. She's one friend who I could confide and cry to and still never judgemental. Now that she's no longer there for me to babble with and bitch... I'm gonna run out of school as fast as I can.... No reason for me to be in school. I still have Lava who I can trust. But poor Lava have so much more burden than anyone could ever carry. My whines became so minute next to what she went through this year... I can't imagine how.
My bridesmaid, Nurul got married today too. SO drama. So much emotions. So much crying. I can't recall mine to be that emotional. My mum was smiling from ear to ear... My dad was so busy talking to guests... I recalled my nikah, and realised how simple Joe and I were. We did the akad at home, my reception and dinner were at the multi-purpose halls next to our blocks. Jo was there to cover the event....
And boo hoo hoo.... Joe still hasn't edited our wedding video... I'm not gonna see it.. perhaps 10 years later...
Met up with the goons, Faizal, Yuhan, Hafiz and Atie... Haven't seen them since the wedding. Atie's tummy is sooo huge. 8 months already.... Oh, I had so much fun... Laughed the whole time. The best people to hang out with when you need a good crack up...
My husband is sleeping beside my feet as I am typing this now... Poor Joe. So tired.
Thursday, went to meet up with the girls, Nun, Shimmy and me, tag along Syna to buy white pants... Finally, she got herself a pair! All these for wearing red and white in school.... So funny, should have borrowed her my pants.
Yesterday, everyone was in a sea of red and white in school... So weird. I feel so CNY at the same time. I also noticed not alot of men have white pants.. Only Fairus, Cahmon-Cahmon and Airi don white pants.The rest of the men were wearing white, beige, brown, khaki.. and worse was Ju, who wore something that looks like an American eagle and grey pants... Crazy.
I'm gonna miss Mary. Mary was my first friend in this wretched hell. We are so different yet we have so many babbles to share. She's one friend who I could confide and cry to and still never judgemental. Now that she's no longer there for me to babble with and bitch... I'm gonna run out of school as fast as I can.... No reason for me to be in school. I still have Lava who I can trust. But poor Lava have so much more burden than anyone could ever carry. My whines became so minute next to what she went through this year... I can't imagine how.
My bridesmaid, Nurul got married today too. SO drama. So much emotions. So much crying. I can't recall mine to be that emotional. My mum was smiling from ear to ear... My dad was so busy talking to guests... I recalled my nikah, and realised how simple Joe and I were. We did the akad at home, my reception and dinner were at the multi-purpose halls next to our blocks. Jo was there to cover the event....
And boo hoo hoo.... Joe still hasn't edited our wedding video... I'm not gonna see it.. perhaps 10 years later...
Met up with the goons, Faizal, Yuhan, Hafiz and Atie... Haven't seen them since the wedding. Atie's tummy is sooo huge. 8 months already.... Oh, I had so much fun... Laughed the whole time. The best people to hang out with when you need a good crack up...
My husband is sleeping beside my feet as I am typing this now... Poor Joe. So tired.
Sunday, 2 August 2009
Cook
I think I'm starting to like cooking...
I can't cook for nuts, but these 2 months, I have proven to myself what a cook I have been. I have unleashed my culinary prowess!!!
Today, I tried to cook broccoli with mushrooms in oyster sauce. I did it by feel. Nope, not following any recipe. Hubby said it was great!!!
I know.. I know... Looks like shit.
But tastes like broccoli and mushroom, ok?
I can't cook for nuts, but these 2 months, I have proven to myself what a cook I have been. I have unleashed my culinary prowess!!!
Today, I tried to cook broccoli with mushrooms in oyster sauce. I did it by feel. Nope, not following any recipe. Hubby said it was great!!!
I know.. I know... Looks like shit.
But tastes like broccoli and mushroom, ok?
Light of my Life
So many reactions from people...
"what? You got married? Why never tell me?"
"You? Married? Kidding right?"
"Eh how come your didn't invite me to your wedding..?"
Deep shit. I had alot of friends I did not really kept in touch. So I didn't invite them not because I didn't want to, but I do not have their numbersss!!! Gosh... Then facebook brings a whole new level of 'keeping in touch' and suddenly I have sinned.
Ah well... My weddings' over. It wasn't that great anyway. My marriage is far better. I still have an outdoor photoshoot to do, which I still haven't do. Haven't got the time to. Bummerrr....
Recently celebrated mum-in-law's birthday. Here is Mum with Liana and Nadya.
Didn't know I was the kids were sooo attached to me... Liana (3 years old) said this to me:
"Auntie Alfia, you are the the light of my life. Uncle Joe, you are her husband."
I really cracked up so hard. That's how Uncle Joe is seen now. Just a husband.
Well, I didn't know I had such a great impact on a 3-year old. I guess I do now.
Still doesn't change my mind about having children. My mind swayed abit after Uncle Mokhtar left Auntie June without any kids and all lonely. But I think I can live with that. I think.
"what? You got married? Why never tell me?"
"You? Married? Kidding right?"
"Eh how come your didn't invite me to your wedding..?"
Deep shit. I had alot of friends I did not really kept in touch. So I didn't invite them not because I didn't want to, but I do not have their numbersss!!! Gosh... Then facebook brings a whole new level of 'keeping in touch' and suddenly I have sinned.
Ah well... My weddings' over. It wasn't that great anyway. My marriage is far better. I still have an outdoor photoshoot to do, which I still haven't do. Haven't got the time to. Bummerrr....
Recently celebrated mum-in-law's birthday. Here is Mum with Liana and Nadya.
Didn't know I was the kids were sooo attached to me... Liana (3 years old) said this to me:
"Auntie Alfia, you are the the light of my life. Uncle Joe, you are her husband."
I really cracked up so hard. That's how Uncle Joe is seen now. Just a husband.
Well, I didn't know I had such a great impact on a 3-year old. I guess I do now.
Still doesn't change my mind about having children. My mind swayed abit after Uncle Mokhtar left Auntie June without any kids and all lonely. But I think I can live with that. I think.
Thursday, 30 July 2009
30th July 2009
Today is the day.
My mom-in-law's birthday. Did not really celebrate coz I could not bring myself to celebrate.
My Uncle Mokhtar passed away this morning, he was suffering from liver and kidney dysfunction. On top of that he had a weak heart and was also having signs of Alzheimer's. To make matters even more painful, he's an Australian citizen and died in his hometown, Perth. When my mom sms to tell me that, automatically, tears welled up in my eyes, as his image entered into my heart and mind. Suddenly, I remembered how he was so fond of me and bro, Alil. When he was younger, he lifted both of us in one go, walking along the corridor and into the malls.
Uncle Mokhtar and my Auntie June have no children. They pretty much live on their own and had their own corner Muslim Restaurant in Spencer Village Shopping Place in Perth. I cannot imagine the agony my aunt has to go through now that she's alone without her husband...
Without children, she would be alone in the huge house. Sure she has friends, but nothing comes closer than family. I feel so bad that sometimes I took her for granted. I do not know how it must have felt like right now.
My uncle passed away in his sleep around 10 am this morning. Please pray for a safe journey for him in the afterlife, InsyaAllah.
My mom-in-law's birthday. Did not really celebrate coz I could not bring myself to celebrate.
My Uncle Mokhtar passed away this morning, he was suffering from liver and kidney dysfunction. On top of that he had a weak heart and was also having signs of Alzheimer's. To make matters even more painful, he's an Australian citizen and died in his hometown, Perth. When my mom sms to tell me that, automatically, tears welled up in my eyes, as his image entered into my heart and mind. Suddenly, I remembered how he was so fond of me and bro, Alil. When he was younger, he lifted both of us in one go, walking along the corridor and into the malls.
Uncle Mokhtar and my Auntie June have no children. They pretty much live on their own and had their own corner Muslim Restaurant in Spencer Village Shopping Place in Perth. I cannot imagine the agony my aunt has to go through now that she's alone without her husband...
Without children, she would be alone in the huge house. Sure she has friends, but nothing comes closer than family. I feel so bad that sometimes I took her for granted. I do not know how it must have felt like right now.
My uncle passed away in his sleep around 10 am this morning. Please pray for a safe journey for him in the afterlife, InsyaAllah.
Saturday, 25 July 2009
Goodbye Frank McCourt
When I first laid my hands on Frank McCourt's Teacher Man, I was immediately hooked onto it. Teacher Man was one of Mr McCourt's genius work. I drowned into his sorrows, his love, his difficulty, his ingenuity, his blatant yet dark cynical humour. Teacher Man talks about life as a young teacher and how he coped in his first few years of his teaching career. It got me inspired and if you are a teacher, you can immediately relate to him. It seems like he's speaking up for all new teachers out there. And how apt, I read his masterpiece in NIE.
After loving Teacher Man, I moved on to read Angela's Ashes. I was so moved to tears and I must admit that I teared up a couple of times. Angela's Ashes spoke of his childhood of poverty, when his family moved back to Ireland during the Great Depression and how poverty made him such a survivor. Poverty also grabbed away his sibling's life... and how his mother went to dirt, toil and shame just to make sure that the family live.
'Tis was a brilliant one too. 'Tis illustrate his life as a new man, his relationships, his family back in the states and how he picked up his life for a better one, from a blue-collar to a university graduate and eventually an inspirational teacher in a high school.
Frank McCourt serves as an inspiration to me, he makes me pick up the pieces of what I had left and move on and integrate into normal life that I had. He made me feel human again, and how he felt that poverty made him grew stronger... It really set me thinking, how ungrateful we have all become.
Frank McCourt left us all on 19 July 2009 at the age of 78. He wrote 4 brilliant books, won a pulitzer prize with his first book and at the age of 60, and when the other authors asked him where had he been with all that talent, he replied, "I have been teaching."
He wrote only 4 books in his career as an author, one on poverty, one on teaching and one for his Mom......
Frank McCourt, you inspire me.
After loving Teacher Man, I moved on to read Angela's Ashes. I was so moved to tears and I must admit that I teared up a couple of times. Angela's Ashes spoke of his childhood of poverty, when his family moved back to Ireland during the Great Depression and how poverty made him such a survivor. Poverty also grabbed away his sibling's life... and how his mother went to dirt, toil and shame just to make sure that the family live.
'Tis was a brilliant one too. 'Tis illustrate his life as a new man, his relationships, his family back in the states and how he picked up his life for a better one, from a blue-collar to a university graduate and eventually an inspirational teacher in a high school.
Frank McCourt serves as an inspiration to me, he makes me pick up the pieces of what I had left and move on and integrate into normal life that I had. He made me feel human again, and how he felt that poverty made him grew stronger... It really set me thinking, how ungrateful we have all become.
Frank McCourt left us all on 19 July 2009 at the age of 78. He wrote 4 brilliant books, won a pulitzer prize with his first book and at the age of 60, and when the other authors asked him where had he been with all that talent, he replied, "I have been teaching."
He wrote only 4 books in his career as an author, one on poverty, one on teaching and one for his Mom......
Frank McCourt, you inspire me.
Tuesday, 14 July 2009
Its a good thing I start blogging again. I have been driving myself crazy lately.
I'm so overly pressured to do alot of things and responsibility doesnt come easy. There are times when my patience is wearing me out, but I just had to keep my head up high. Last night was berserk. Ran amok. Mental. Delusional. Scary.
I did not know what to do or how to tackle such issues. I do not know whether to sleep it off, or solve it. I do not know whether to comfort or to ignore. It was a challenge for me and my super weary soul and yet, I'm force to decide. I was so afraid I could get physically hurt even. This had gotten way outta hand. So much so that an inanimate object is the victim of a blunderous catastrophy.
As silly as it looks like, it could turn very ugly if anyone was to be in my shoes.
Then I also have to decide whether work or husband. I know work will make husband pout but I have no choice. Most of the time, I will use his lappie and he will be either gaming or frowning. But how? I can never get things done without a laptop. I can't buy a laptop yet... Poor me.
Look I know I'm never direct in my blogs, but I just like it the way it is. Self expression.
I'm so overly pressured to do alot of things and responsibility doesnt come easy. There are times when my patience is wearing me out, but I just had to keep my head up high. Last night was berserk. Ran amok. Mental. Delusional. Scary.
I did not know what to do or how to tackle such issues. I do not know whether to sleep it off, or solve it. I do not know whether to comfort or to ignore. It was a challenge for me and my super weary soul and yet, I'm force to decide. I was so afraid I could get physically hurt even. This had gotten way outta hand. So much so that an inanimate object is the victim of a blunderous catastrophy.
As silly as it looks like, it could turn very ugly if anyone was to be in my shoes.
Then I also have to decide whether work or husband. I know work will make husband pout but I have no choice. Most of the time, I will use his lappie and he will be either gaming or frowning. But how? I can never get things done without a laptop. I can't buy a laptop yet... Poor me.
Look I know I'm never direct in my blogs, but I just like it the way it is. Self expression.
Friday, 10 July 2009
A depressed blog again.
Alot of bickering and uncertainties now. Plenty of arguements and non-related issues. This is so painful. I can't sleep in peace anymore again. I have to turn and stir till I'm finally physically tired, but my head juices are still pouring with all the thoughts and solutions for everything.
I tried to sing myself to sleep, but with every song, I thought about how the lyrics relate to me... NO... too much thinking, I tried gaming on my new toy, but it reminded too much of how i scorned at this. I seem to never get away with alot of things.
Today, I woke up feeling tired, aching, uneasy, head throbbing... I can't do this. I need to stay away for awhile. I realised I lack the 'alone' time I used to have. So I stayed out of work to be alone, swallowed some cool drugs to ease my pain and catch up on what normal people call sleep.
But when I woke up, it was there again, the hurt, the stress... It was temporary. NOw, I'm forced to get out of my 'alone' shell and to face the ultimatum. How I wish I could run. But where? I have trapped myself in this rut.
I need more 'alone' time... But this will be a very rare activity.
..... as I am typing this, I was just shelled heavily without cover or protection....
Alot of bickering and uncertainties now. Plenty of arguements and non-related issues. This is so painful. I can't sleep in peace anymore again. I have to turn and stir till I'm finally physically tired, but my head juices are still pouring with all the thoughts and solutions for everything.
I tried to sing myself to sleep, but with every song, I thought about how the lyrics relate to me... NO... too much thinking, I tried gaming on my new toy, but it reminded too much of how i scorned at this. I seem to never get away with alot of things.
Today, I woke up feeling tired, aching, uneasy, head throbbing... I can't do this. I need to stay away for awhile. I realised I lack the 'alone' time I used to have. So I stayed out of work to be alone, swallowed some cool drugs to ease my pain and catch up on what normal people call sleep.
But when I woke up, it was there again, the hurt, the stress... It was temporary. NOw, I'm forced to get out of my 'alone' shell and to face the ultimatum. How I wish I could run. But where? I have trapped myself in this rut.
I need more 'alone' time... But this will be a very rare activity.
..... as I am typing this, I was just shelled heavily without cover or protection....
Saturday, 20 June 2009
Post Wedding
It's still sinking in that I'm now a wife. Gawd... It's so awkward. Sometimes, I feel like I have a HUGE responsibility, yet Im enjoying every moment of it. Alhamdulillah, the wedding was mostly smooth, so major cock-ups and nothing delirious happened. I have alot of people to thank, as without them, it would not have been possible.
1. My mummy and daddy for planning the Sunday reception.... And sponsor. hehe.
2. My mum and dad-in-law... The dinner food was great, so many great reviews, a wide array of sumptious food... I was so pleased!!
3. My sister, Aisyah for being there throughout, for being my emotional support, for encouragement and alsways being there whenever I need her.
4. My bro, Khalil, for running errands, for driving all over Singapore to get my stuffs, for painstakingly being patient (even though time consuming as your sense of direction was soooo poor), for ensuring the Sunday reception and dinner run smoothly and of course, for fetching me to and fro.
5. My lil bro, Khairi, for being my official videoman, for helping me run errands as well, for helping me out with my gubahans.
6. My cuzzie, Ijah, all the way from KL, endering her help and assistance whenever necessary.
7. My siblings-in-law, Julianna and Aidil (thanks for chauffeuring), Junaida and Akhbar for ensuring our wedding dinner run smoothly (with so much perspiration)...
8. Kak Ratna () for the wonderful henna, everyone was so impressed... They loved the colour and the consistency of the pattern...
9. Kak Rose ()for the awesome decoration of the multi-purpose hall for our wedding dinner... Our guests loved it too.
10. Kak Juls (), the person behind my makeover, a great friend and confidant, a chirpy yet intelligent and charismatic make up artist.... I'm glad you are the person who made me beautiful.
11. My maid-of-honour, Nurul... Thank you for being there and ensuring that things run smoothly.
12. My bridesmaid, Kheriah, who helped out with customer servise relatins, especially during dinner...
13. Faizal (Joe's bestman), Yuhan and Hafiz... Thank you for the lovely acoustic set and your pre-wedding suggestions.
And all those who I did not mention, you are part of my love and life... thank you for being there...
1. My mummy and daddy for planning the Sunday reception.... And sponsor. hehe.
2. My mum and dad-in-law... The dinner food was great, so many great reviews, a wide array of sumptious food... I was so pleased!!
3. My sister, Aisyah for being there throughout, for being my emotional support, for encouragement and alsways being there whenever I need her.
4. My bro, Khalil, for running errands, for driving all over Singapore to get my stuffs, for painstakingly being patient (even though time consuming as your sense of direction was soooo poor), for ensuring the Sunday reception and dinner run smoothly and of course, for fetching me to and fro.
5. My lil bro, Khairi, for being my official videoman, for helping me run errands as well, for helping me out with my gubahans.
6. My cuzzie, Ijah, all the way from KL, endering her help and assistance whenever necessary.
7. My siblings-in-law, Julianna and Aidil (thanks for chauffeuring), Junaida and Akhbar for ensuring our wedding dinner run smoothly (with so much perspiration)...
8. Kak Ratna () for the wonderful henna, everyone was so impressed... They loved the colour and the consistency of the pattern...
9. Kak Rose ()for the awesome decoration of the multi-purpose hall for our wedding dinner... Our guests loved it too.
10. Kak Juls (), the person behind my makeover, a great friend and confidant, a chirpy yet intelligent and charismatic make up artist.... I'm glad you are the person who made me beautiful.
11. My maid-of-honour, Nurul... Thank you for being there and ensuring that things run smoothly.
12. My bridesmaid, Kheriah, who helped out with customer servise relatins, especially during dinner...
13. Faizal (Joe's bestman), Yuhan and Hafiz... Thank you for the lovely acoustic set and your pre-wedding suggestions.
And all those who I did not mention, you are part of my love and life... thank you for being there...
Saturday, 16 May 2009
Updates
I had not been updating my blog for a very looong time. Last update was October 2008. That was 7 months ago. I even forgotten that I had a blog page. Hahha.
Another 29 days to our wedding. Preparations are crap. I hate doing so many things at a time. I had to prepare whatever nots here at home for the Sunday Reception, and also to prepare Saturdays Dinner. Moneybox, guestbooks, RSVP list, sitting arrangement, Standies, Itenary, Wedding Cake etc etc etc. Yes Joe's helping out with the montage and the song list and liaising the acoustic set up... Phew.
Work also was not too kind to me. On top of marking 5 classes all by myself with a tight dateline, I screw up the exam paper. I need to prepare treasure hunt for the camp and then prepare an item like a treasure hunt for the SWB meeting as well. All due Monday. Crazy.
And the flu is killing meeeee...
Ok gotta go. Lotsa work to do. Bet I have to stay home on Saturday. Boo Hoo.. I do not have a life.
Another 29 days to our wedding. Preparations are crap. I hate doing so many things at a time. I had to prepare whatever nots here at home for the Sunday Reception, and also to prepare Saturdays Dinner. Moneybox, guestbooks, RSVP list, sitting arrangement, Standies, Itenary, Wedding Cake etc etc etc. Yes Joe's helping out with the montage and the song list and liaising the acoustic set up... Phew.
Work also was not too kind to me. On top of marking 5 classes all by myself with a tight dateline, I screw up the exam paper. I need to prepare treasure hunt for the camp and then prepare an item like a treasure hunt for the SWB meeting as well. All due Monday. Crazy.
And the flu is killing meeeee...
Ok gotta go. Lotsa work to do. Bet I have to stay home on Saturday. Boo Hoo.. I do not have a life.
Saturday, 11 October 2008
I feel that the longer I am in this, the harder it gets. I feel that I have finally gotten to know his even better. Sometimes, I wish I could live in a delusional world where everything is just perfect.
I guess it's only in the movies where your other half celebrates your every success and feel happy for you. Is it true that why some women never got married was because men refuses to take in their successes? And is that the reason why women are into their career so much, they ignore their need for love and life?
I wanna be a superwoman and do both. I am, afterall, a woman with dreams. I have the right to dream. Maybe whatever I dream may not be ideal for everyone else in this world but it makes me happy. If it's a golden opportunity for me,I'll take it. Of course with the expense of your wants and needs. But it doesn't mean I will simply put off my responsibility. Other women have done it, yet I am not even given the opportunity to juggle career and love. I was not even given the chance to prove that I am able.
I have plunged through so may shitholes and I wanna make it right for me and my family. Why can't yout just be part of me, by being my pillar of support, the pillar to my successes? Why is it that all my decisions are shunned down?
I think it's all my own doing. I was the one who smeared and talk too much abt the politics that he hated the place. I was the one who gave him the impression of how shitty it is. But actually, it's not too bad once I got the hang of it. But for him, I am in hell and I do not deserve to be in such agony.. It's all my doing.... It's all my fault. I'm trying to undo it but I can't.
We used to think we could always be there for each other if there's love. I hope we could pull through this and be adults in handling this.
I guess it's only in the movies where your other half celebrates your every success and feel happy for you. Is it true that why some women never got married was because men refuses to take in their successes? And is that the reason why women are into their career so much, they ignore their need for love and life?
I wanna be a superwoman and do both. I am, afterall, a woman with dreams. I have the right to dream. Maybe whatever I dream may not be ideal for everyone else in this world but it makes me happy. If it's a golden opportunity for me,I'll take it. Of course with the expense of your wants and needs. But it doesn't mean I will simply put off my responsibility. Other women have done it, yet I am not even given the opportunity to juggle career and love. I was not even given the chance to prove that I am able.
I have plunged through so may shitholes and I wanna make it right for me and my family. Why can't yout just be part of me, by being my pillar of support, the pillar to my successes? Why is it that all my decisions are shunned down?
I think it's all my own doing. I was the one who smeared and talk too much abt the politics that he hated the place. I was the one who gave him the impression of how shitty it is. But actually, it's not too bad once I got the hang of it. But for him, I am in hell and I do not deserve to be in such agony.. It's all my doing.... It's all my fault. I'm trying to undo it but I can't.
We used to think we could always be there for each other if there's love. I hope we could pull through this and be adults in handling this.
Thursday, 2 October 2008
It's been awhile. So darn busy with all the school stuffs. There is so much to blog about but I guess I have forgotten all of em. Eid Mubarak to all my Muslim friends celebrating Aidilfitri.
Recently, Atie's mummy passed away. I could sense the devastation and the world crashing down on her. Reading her blog makes my skin crawl n thought abt what it would be like if it was me. I think I would prolly be jumping crazy n crushed... No feelings could describe the feeling of losing someone you love so much, someone you depend on all your life. Her only regret was her mummy not able to see her getting married this December. I could never imagine how.
When Granny got hospitalised, my spine send me the chills. I dunno why but as much as I am irritated, I feel so sorry for her. She used to be so active. She could walk around Orchard Road and shop on her own just prolly 2 years ago. Today, Granny only reminds me how people around me have grown older n that I have too. I'm so delusional for the fact that I feel I am still as young as I am and feel that I have so much I want to do. But it got slower-paced as I venture through n figured why people ard me have changed.
I couldn't agree more for the fact that just 10 minutes of running makes me feel like my lungs are bursting and that I have to rest and sleep. So sedentary. My body is fighting with my young-ish mind. I keep telling myself;I need more exercise, I need to go out more, I need to stay awake for this and that, I need to life weights so that my muscular strength will not deteriorate.... I am so afraid of growing old. I am so afraid of being old, weak n frail. I can only attribute this to my vanity.
Dad's right. Without spiritual sustenance, life would be so empty. It would only be so much if I don't love and tell myself to pray. I lack the discipline to submit. I only have myself to blame.
My neck is aching already. So much marking. Going back to it. Sigh... So much for celebration.
Recently, Atie's mummy passed away. I could sense the devastation and the world crashing down on her. Reading her blog makes my skin crawl n thought abt what it would be like if it was me. I think I would prolly be jumping crazy n crushed... No feelings could describe the feeling of losing someone you love so much, someone you depend on all your life. Her only regret was her mummy not able to see her getting married this December. I could never imagine how.
When Granny got hospitalised, my spine send me the chills. I dunno why but as much as I am irritated, I feel so sorry for her. She used to be so active. She could walk around Orchard Road and shop on her own just prolly 2 years ago. Today, Granny only reminds me how people around me have grown older n that I have too. I'm so delusional for the fact that I feel I am still as young as I am and feel that I have so much I want to do. But it got slower-paced as I venture through n figured why people ard me have changed.
I couldn't agree more for the fact that just 10 minutes of running makes me feel like my lungs are bursting and that I have to rest and sleep. So sedentary. My body is fighting with my young-ish mind. I keep telling myself;I need more exercise, I need to go out more, I need to stay awake for this and that, I need to life weights so that my muscular strength will not deteriorate.... I am so afraid of growing old. I am so afraid of being old, weak n frail. I can only attribute this to my vanity.
Dad's right. Without spiritual sustenance, life would be so empty. It would only be so much if I don't love and tell myself to pray. I lack the discipline to submit. I only have myself to blame.
My neck is aching already. So much marking. Going back to it. Sigh... So much for celebration.
Saturday, 6 September 2008
I have so many desires I wish to fulfill in my life as me. But I have to forgo alot of things. I wonder if any of these things I forgo are worth forgoing...
I wanna travel the world, go to places I have read and learnt so much about. Greece and their culture, history... Eqypt for as a child, i was so obsessed with pyramids and the different pharaohs of the different times. The ancient tombs and the process of embalming and mummification. Turkey, Morocco and the Mediterranean... the song, dance, literature... music. I would love to bagpack across Europe, go on board the Euro Express and see what I see in the movies. But I guess that's that for now.
I wanna have a wedding by the beach, but of course, my parents would prolly scream their heads off. Imagine dining and soft music lingering in the background, with the ocean breeze and the calmness of the crashing waves... of so beautiful. Then when the sun sets, we'll have some Incubus "I wish you were here" in the background and guests chilling out by the beach.....
Well, I tot if I couldn't get a beach wedding, then I could prolly get a garden wedding. Still next to nature. What can I say, I love the nature. With a 3-piece lounge band comprising of a female vocals, a pianist and a double bassist or cellist, playing all the romantic love songs. Or maybe just a acoustic session will do. Then the wedding will prolly be surrounded by trees and the lighting would be very soft and dim with guests buzzing and the beautifully decorated lights on the trees and mozzies... hehehe.
I tot the closest I could get to that was Fort Canning.
But I guess all that has to be pushed aside for we dun have enuff finances on the roll. I have to just make do with what I have. But I still want a garden theme. A live band and soft and dim lights. But my poor frens have to travel all the way to the corner of S'pore... Near the gardens, not exactly in the gardens but near the Japanese and Chinese Gardens..... Ah well, it's still a garden......
Sigh. I'm such a dreamer.
I wanna travel the world, go to places I have read and learnt so much about. Greece and their culture, history... Eqypt for as a child, i was so obsessed with pyramids and the different pharaohs of the different times. The ancient tombs and the process of embalming and mummification. Turkey, Morocco and the Mediterranean... the song, dance, literature... music. I would love to bagpack across Europe, go on board the Euro Express and see what I see in the movies. But I guess that's that for now.
I wanna have a wedding by the beach, but of course, my parents would prolly scream their heads off. Imagine dining and soft music lingering in the background, with the ocean breeze and the calmness of the crashing waves... of so beautiful. Then when the sun sets, we'll have some Incubus "I wish you were here" in the background and guests chilling out by the beach.....
Well, I tot if I couldn't get a beach wedding, then I could prolly get a garden wedding. Still next to nature. What can I say, I love the nature. With a 3-piece lounge band comprising of a female vocals, a pianist and a double bassist or cellist, playing all the romantic love songs. Or maybe just a acoustic session will do. Then the wedding will prolly be surrounded by trees and the lighting would be very soft and dim with guests buzzing and the beautifully decorated lights on the trees and mozzies... hehehe.
I tot the closest I could get to that was Fort Canning.
But I guess all that has to be pushed aside for we dun have enuff finances on the roll. I have to just make do with what I have. But I still want a garden theme. A live band and soft and dim lights. But my poor frens have to travel all the way to the corner of S'pore... Near the gardens, not exactly in the gardens but near the Japanese and Chinese Gardens..... Ah well, it's still a garden......
Sigh. I'm such a dreamer.
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