I feel that the longer I am in this, the harder it gets. I feel that I have finally gotten to know his even better. Sometimes, I wish I could live in a delusional world where everything is just perfect.

I guess it's only in the movies where your other half celebrates your every success and feel happy for you. Is it true that why some women never got married was because men refuses to take in their successes? And is that the reason why women are into their career so much, they ignore their need for love and life?

I wanna be a superwoman and do both. I am, afterall, a woman with dreams. I have the right to dream. Maybe whatever I dream may not be ideal for everyone else in this world but it makes me happy. If it's a golden opportunity for me,I'll take it. Of course with the expense of your wants and needs. But it doesn't mean I will simply put off my responsibility. Other women have done it, yet I am not even given the opportunity to juggle career and love. I was not even given the chance to prove that I am able.

I have plunged through so may shitholes and I wanna make it right for me and my family. Why can't yout just be part of me, by being my pillar of support, the pillar to my successes? Why is it that all my decisions are shunned down?

I think it's all my own doing. I was the one who smeared and talk too much abt the politics that he hated the place. I was the one who gave him the impression of how shitty it is. But actually, it's not too bad once I got the hang of it. But for him, I am in hell and I do not deserve to be in such agony.. It's all my doing.... It's all my fault. I'm trying to undo it but I can't.

We used to think we could always be there for each other if there's love. I hope we could pull through this and be adults in handling this.