I dunno hardship? I was never born with a silver spoon, people. Never did. Up till today, almost 26 years of my life on earth, my dad has never earned more than 3k per month. We NEVER had a family car, NEVER before. Most of our family outings are via public transportation.
My mom n dad got married when they were still at the brink of their youth, my mom was 19 and my dad was 21. My mom got pregnant and gave birth to me when she was going to be 22. My dad was just a lance corporal with the police force. With A levels, my dad was considered quite educated back then. I remembered my dad buying my mo her first ever Seiko when he got promoted to corporal. And she still put it on her wrist whenever she goes out with my dad UP till TODAY. K gave my parents , "The Most Romantic Couple Alive" title. Yeah, to a certain extent, I do find them quite a mush.
My mom stopped working when me and my bro start primary school. So can you imagine my dad, with only so much, fending for our household, my mom's needs, his childrens' needs and so on? But Alhamdulillah, we never got luxuriously great but we had everything.
We had love, and important factor of any family. My dad emphasize so much on religion when we were young, drilled us all the doa' s and prayers, and I am grateful today for that. I remebered I could not afford to buy my spike shoes for my competition, and my dad said to me,"Run with what you have, your pair of legs". As a child, I was bitter as my dad promised me a bicycle if I do well for my exams. Which I did, but at that time, we were facing some difficulties... I was too young to understand why my dad did not buy me the bicycle.
My dad could not go for further studies as he sets his priorities in providing for the family. He got stuck in the force with staff seargent rank for the longest time....
My dad quit the force to work with PSA. While doing that, he was also a relief taxi driver.... All that so that we can move to Woodlands, a bigger house so that my two younger siblings can have room. My dad sold our Yishun flat, did renovations in our Woodlands flat DIY so that he could have more money to save. Mom and Dad wanted to go Mecca, on a pligrimage for us Muslims. And they did.
Mom and Dad went to the holy land not once but for my mom, three times (2 on umrah), and my dad more than thrice. All sponsored trip. Alhamdulillah. My dad's ustaz wanted him to lead in Hajj and Umrah prayers for the other jema'ahs, hence he was given that opportunity to do so. Alhamdulillah.
Life was never a land of Gold for us. We have just enough. Yet we never fell into hunger and poverty. Thank God. Today, we have what we have, not too much, not too little. Average.
It is up to Him to bless you with the comfort of life. We worked hard, toiled through dirt and swet and at the end of the day, we are comfy. Rather than toiling but still never accomplished.
My mom is still a full-time housewife today,and doing what she loves best, sewing.
My dad works as a Security Officer at Aetos. And Alhamdulillah, we are still comfy, if not a lil better than we used to be. Barakah and Rezeki for us from Him.
There' s so much hardship can do to you. Seek help from Him. Be humble. Insya-Allah, life would be a lil better than we all think.
Wednesday, 18 July 2007
Tuesday, 17 July 2007
Busy Busy Bee... (TIC/Jas&Dro's Wedding)
I wanted to write so much and I have so much blogging moments already forgotten... Sigh. Work has taken its toll on me... I'm ALWAYS tired when I reach home. One whole day doing up projects, LPs and stuffs made me very very lazy to switch on my lappie when I reach home. I have resigned to the corner of my bed, almost paralysed, everytime I reach home.
Dippers!!!!!
Well, at least I had fun. Me and Eric made our way home straight after that....
Congrats, Jasmine and Leandro Soliano... May you be blessed with a fullfilling marriage...
On the 12th, we had our Investiture @ NTU. I was close to tears when none of my love-ones made it to my ceremony. While others scrambled out of the auditorium to look for their family members/bfs/gfs/spouses, I was lost. I was the only one queueing up for the buffet, taking my share of food and stood there quietly, so forlorn and depressed. Luckily, some of my friends who dun have anyone-coming-to-lay-their-warmest-hugs-to found me. So we took pictures. Later the whole gang appeared and we were crazed by our photo-taking frenzy.
Dippers!!!!! Well, at least I had fun. Me and Eric made our way home straight after that....
Anway, 14th of July, my band played for Jasmine's Wedding @ Holiday Inn Parkview.....
Congrats, Jasmine and Leandro Soliano... May you be blessed with a fullfilling marriage...Monday, 9 July 2007
It has just been 3 weeks since the start of the term and already feeling the pinch. The pinch of workloads... Heck, its turning to be a real whack on my head. I realised how much I've piled my papers, esp 'markings' and stuffs. I tried to clear, but the more I cleared, the more I piled. Whhaaatt?? This is insane.
After 1.30pm, you'd start doing all the admin stuffs, remedial, answering to parents' endless phone-calls, not forgetting, you have a notice board to display by next week, Alfiah. You haven't done your 'research'... Yikes! Oh and this week, a lengthy workshop to attend. Uh huh, it's compulsory, babe, so you have to sit your ass there whether you like it or not.
Then comes the SGEM. You have to do something in line with this movement. It seems more like a campaign. Sometimes, I am so guilty of speaking so much Singlish. No, make it most of the time. In class, I'd prolly be the most fluent, efficient, eloquent speaker of all, but once I step outside, I turned into a vegetable-market auntie. My English, a mixture of Malay, Hokkien, Mandarin and specks of Tamil... I'd prolly go up to Ain and Laarva and go...
"Eh, how's your day? Tired anot? Sien you know, so damn hot lagi... Teruk, la... I tell you, that Mun-gen in my class ah........."
A typical conversation. Or things like calling up a friend,
"Hey, where are you? What time wanna meet? Not so late ah, I have things to do at home also....."
So much for speaking good English. Heck, its not universally understood, but definitely understood among Singaporeans. I think of it as a self-proclaimed slang. We have our own slang, due to the multi-cultural nation we live in. Rojak, we call it. I mean, how many of us are a pure race? I can't say I am... With my family being a Rojak of Javanese, Chinese, Indian... you can't possibly be communicating in an American accent, or the British accent.
Take the French, for example. One group of people who are proud of their race and heritage. Come on, they have an accent! They have a bloody accent, even when they speak English. The Scottish, they belong to the English World... They have that thick, 'rrrrr' accent as well. Listen carefully to Irish bands like U2, the Cranberries, the Corrs, Westlife... they have an accent too.... So why do we even bother. We are Singaporeans, we have an accent. Our own 'rojak' accent. Its like the Aussies greeting each other in "G'day mates", parallel to our "Woi Mat/Minah/Mun-gen/Thambi".... It's so fake if you meet a close friend of yours and decide to say, "Good morning, dear friend. How are you today?" in perfect, clean English.
I guess spoken English and written English shouldn't be placed equal emphasis. Of course, we all wanna let our kids speak English properly and fluently, but why deprive them of their native tongues? It's the way we are. Let it be. As long as they know how to write fluently, we shouldn't let them twist their native tongues to suit those of the Westerners....
After 1.30pm, you'd start doing all the admin stuffs, remedial, answering to parents' endless phone-calls, not forgetting, you have a notice board to display by next week, Alfiah. You haven't done your 'research'... Yikes! Oh and this week, a lengthy workshop to attend. Uh huh, it's compulsory, babe, so you have to sit your ass there whether you like it or not.
Then comes the SGEM. You have to do something in line with this movement. It seems more like a campaign. Sometimes, I am so guilty of speaking so much Singlish. No, make it most of the time. In class, I'd prolly be the most fluent, efficient, eloquent speaker of all, but once I step outside, I turned into a vegetable-market auntie. My English, a mixture of Malay, Hokkien, Mandarin and specks of Tamil... I'd prolly go up to Ain and Laarva and go...
"Eh, how's your day? Tired anot? Sien you know, so damn hot lagi... Teruk, la... I tell you, that Mun-gen in my class ah........."
A typical conversation. Or things like calling up a friend,
"Hey, where are you? What time wanna meet? Not so late ah, I have things to do at home also....."
So much for speaking good English. Heck, its not universally understood, but definitely understood among Singaporeans. I think of it as a self-proclaimed slang. We have our own slang, due to the multi-cultural nation we live in. Rojak, we call it. I mean, how many of us are a pure race? I can't say I am... With my family being a Rojak of Javanese, Chinese, Indian... you can't possibly be communicating in an American accent, or the British accent.
Take the French, for example. One group of people who are proud of their race and heritage. Come on, they have an accent! They have a bloody accent, even when they speak English. The Scottish, they belong to the English World... They have that thick, 'rrrrr' accent as well. Listen carefully to Irish bands like U2, the Cranberries, the Corrs, Westlife... they have an accent too.... So why do we even bother. We are Singaporeans, we have an accent. Our own 'rojak' accent. Its like the Aussies greeting each other in "G'day mates", parallel to our "Woi Mat/Minah/Mun-gen/Thambi".... It's so fake if you meet a close friend of yours and decide to say, "Good morning, dear friend. How are you today?" in perfect, clean English.
I guess spoken English and written English shouldn't be placed equal emphasis. Of course, we all wanna let our kids speak English properly and fluently, but why deprive them of their native tongues? It's the way we are. Let it be. As long as they know how to write fluently, we shouldn't let them twist their native tongues to suit those of the Westerners....
Sunday, 1 July 2007
I wanted to blog about the latest happenings in school, about my busy schedule, about going National Stadium to watch the closing and seated there for the last time, but something bug me even more than what I've been wanting to blog about.
In was tiring, for the past 2 days, staying till late for school and after a hectic jumble sale thingy, I made my way down to Kallang, with my aching legs and lerthargic body, with my sticky skin, sweat from the warmth of the environment.
He called it Global Warming.
Yeah, the weather definitely wasn't kind to us... It has been such a burning sensation. But it didnt help when you feel that suddenly you are actually disillusioned all this while.
I was hungry, tired and wanted a shower, so we agreed. When we reached, all I ever did was complaining and nagging at him on what a short period of time we had and we should have just left. This is me. I nag. I whine. I complained. And by now it should have already sink into you. But you had to show your rage. You slam the door, kicked everything in your way, and expect me to do--what? I called to order Mcdonalds', asked you if you want anything, but you shrugged me off with your holler saying you dun want anything. Of course, I being STUPID, did not order anything coz he didn't wanna eat so I felt rude if I were to order for myself and let him watch me. By this time, I was already feeling my stomach bloated as I skipped lunch and now dinner too? I usually eat 4 times per day but the whole day I was out in the hot outdoors, dehydrated, tired, not enough food to eat, and yet tortured again like this. I decided to boil water for the cup noodles. All this time, I only got the famous silent treatment. I ate half of the noodles, coz I thought he'd be hungry too, gestured it to him but all I got was a stern no. I put it aside, hoping he'd put he's ego aside too, and eat it. But he didn't.
I had indigestion. My stomach bloated and I fart and burp to ease myself... I got painful. I cried myself to sleep.
He fell asleep too. I woke up and saw him lying motionlessly at the edge of the bed. I gestured him to come nearer. He did so. I wanted a hug from him but he was reluctant. All in all, I felt rejected.
When I told him that we have to go, he got up to his feet and he started his rage agin. By now, my indigestions got worse and my stomach was aching so bad and the nausea kicks in. I hate this kinda thing.
But he just walked ahead, walking for miles wanting to buy ciggarettes and not asking me for any. I trudged along in pain... I was crying as I walked when I thought about the pain, the rejection, the ignorance....
It was the last straw when we were waiting for a cab, he refused and told me off when I told him that it was easier getting a cab on the other side. I couldn't stand it. I shouted at him and left. But he didn't come after me. I was lost, alone, wandering the streets crying and all emotional, in pain... but he was not there.
I realised how much I love him but not getting the same in return.
I'm having the worse pain now, but he wasn't there. He did not even bother to call me to ask if I am ok. He left for jamming. Heartlessly, he did all these.
It makes me feel so useles, unworthy and depressed. All the physical, emotional and mental pain and torture he left me with. Why can't you tell me what's wrong?
I remebered that we use to share alot of aspirations, all the love, our common goals.... You said of a dream to live our lives together with offsprings and all the other craps. I just feel so numb now. I'm sorry. Let me be for now. I'm very tired, weak and I can't take these anymore.
In was tiring, for the past 2 days, staying till late for school and after a hectic jumble sale thingy, I made my way down to Kallang, with my aching legs and lerthargic body, with my sticky skin, sweat from the warmth of the environment.
He called it Global Warming.
Yeah, the weather definitely wasn't kind to us... It has been such a burning sensation. But it didnt help when you feel that suddenly you are actually disillusioned all this while.
I was hungry, tired and wanted a shower, so we agreed. When we reached, all I ever did was complaining and nagging at him on what a short period of time we had and we should have just left. This is me. I nag. I whine. I complained. And by now it should have already sink into you. But you had to show your rage. You slam the door, kicked everything in your way, and expect me to do--what? I called to order Mcdonalds', asked you if you want anything, but you shrugged me off with your holler saying you dun want anything. Of course, I being STUPID, did not order anything coz he didn't wanna eat so I felt rude if I were to order for myself and let him watch me. By this time, I was already feeling my stomach bloated as I skipped lunch and now dinner too? I usually eat 4 times per day but the whole day I was out in the hot outdoors, dehydrated, tired, not enough food to eat, and yet tortured again like this. I decided to boil water for the cup noodles. All this time, I only got the famous silent treatment. I ate half of the noodles, coz I thought he'd be hungry too, gestured it to him but all I got was a stern no. I put it aside, hoping he'd put he's ego aside too, and eat it. But he didn't.
I had indigestion. My stomach bloated and I fart and burp to ease myself... I got painful. I cried myself to sleep.
He fell asleep too. I woke up and saw him lying motionlessly at the edge of the bed. I gestured him to come nearer. He did so. I wanted a hug from him but he was reluctant. All in all, I felt rejected.
When I told him that we have to go, he got up to his feet and he started his rage agin. By now, my indigestions got worse and my stomach was aching so bad and the nausea kicks in. I hate this kinda thing.
But he just walked ahead, walking for miles wanting to buy ciggarettes and not asking me for any. I trudged along in pain... I was crying as I walked when I thought about the pain, the rejection, the ignorance....
It was the last straw when we were waiting for a cab, he refused and told me off when I told him that it was easier getting a cab on the other side. I couldn't stand it. I shouted at him and left. But he didn't come after me. I was lost, alone, wandering the streets crying and all emotional, in pain... but he was not there.
I realised how much I love him but not getting the same in return.
I'm having the worse pain now, but he wasn't there. He did not even bother to call me to ask if I am ok. He left for jamming. Heartlessly, he did all these.
It makes me feel so useles, unworthy and depressed. All the physical, emotional and mental pain and torture he left me with. Why can't you tell me what's wrong?
I remebered that we use to share alot of aspirations, all the love, our common goals.... You said of a dream to live our lives together with offsprings and all the other craps. I just feel so numb now. I'm sorry. Let me be for now. I'm very tired, weak and I can't take these anymore.
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