I tripped...

Came back from our trip. It was awesome... lazy.... relaxing.... I wish I could this year-long... But the harsh realities sets in as we set our foot on the shores of S'pore...

It was warm and breezy there.... But once we reach the harbourfront waters... the skies turned dark. Sigh, welcome back to rainy Island, set in the sea....

I felt that the trip made me feel how much people need each other. How funny we looked in all different directions, to find that the best companion is right in front of you. How we complained about what we want, but we neglect the necessary. Spending time doing nothing is actually healthy... when you relax, you reflect. Personally, I tot about what I wanna do next year. What do I need to change and what should stay? Why do I always get stuck in a rut? Guess I'll leave that to "new year resolution" time.

I saw how people lost and love. It was surreal to know how people were so perfect for each other. Yet how some ironically "change waves"....

My two friends who I knew long enough, they were in love. They were so perfect. Why did it take them all the agony to find each other...? So weird.

Yet one of em, whose relationship was so strong as steel, now shaky and crumbling. I cannot fault him either. But there was still love. Definitely.

I treasured the love I was bestowed upon. I could feel how we bonded like super glue more and more. I wanna keep it that way. As much as I can.

I love him.

Bummer

Sigh....

Unbeaten for 22 games, Arsenal lost their winning strike today, Sunday, 9 December, to Middlesborough.

Upset.

Last Train Home

It has been raining, has it not...? What a cool great day.... All my supposed work-out regime got put off due to me being undisciplined... and I blame it solely on the weather... Yawnsss....

Last night, we decided to take the last train home (coz we tot we cd save on cab fare) and surprisingly we witnessed alot of funny/interesting peple in the train....

We saw a group of 'abus' coming in from Orchard, obvious from a metal gig somewhere out there. I saw at least 3 people donning 'Iron Maiden' tees and one of em was a girl. The other girl was wearing The Strokes tee.

I was trying to tie in the relationship between the Strokes and Iron Maiden and then I saw it.... SLIPPERS!!! How can u wear slippers to gigs??? Their slippers wear a shade of grey (prolly too much stamping) on em... Ouch. Things you never wear to a gig: slippers. SLippers are for the beach, you idiots! OR prolly strolling along the Heartlands.. Maybe you can go slack when shopping with slippers... but to a gig??? Imagine being stamped constantly on the mosh pit. Dun your feet hurt?

I feel ouchy for em.

And then another group came in. They were also donning the black metal wear with eyeliners n stuffs... But they sat down and sang old Malay songs! I'm talking Malay Jiwang-Retak songs mostly from the 90s. Like from Spoon (the guy's dead, give him a break!), Scoin or whateva. Luckily, my MP3 player has always been my weapon to block out the unsightly and the un-hearables....

I thought I should take the train more often now. Interesting sights. Especially that 'tis the holiday season..... The Kids are Out and Running!!!!

I must apologise for the extremely loads of French I used in the previous blog. What can I say... I get foul-mouth when I get angry or frustrated. Just thank God you are not at the other end receiving it... :-)

Pain in the Asses

I wanna ramble abt people in the office but I figured I better give myself a break... I wun be seeing them much anyway... It's time for HOLS!!!!

BUT... People keep paining meeee......

Pain-in-the-Asses I

Why can't you both tell me straight to my face? I have to find out the hard way. You asses bite me on my back, I see. And the worse part is... you joined forces with the ex? I can't believe you actually have to keep mum and hope I dun find out.

Yes, my friends aka ex-bandmates (ex now) joined forces with the ex. The bitch ex. I dun mind if you do it with some other bitches but NOT the EX please.... And you dun have basic courtesy to tell me? Or even Jo? Ungrateful bastards. Why in the world was I even in the band... I feel terribly cheated out of my wits.

Was it redundant to you? So me and Jo are just disregarded, trashed away and not a single sound about you both collaborating with her and the bitch. I was affected that you guys did not reflect and think about consequences. And feelings involved. And how it might affect relationships.

After my reflection, you are not my friends, just basic acquaintances I found while making music.

You know what dun kill you will only make you stronger. I believe in music as a respiratory system for me, to fill the void. Not playing gigs. Not for the sake of having a band. I'm telling you guys both, you can fuck yourselves with the Bitches' Diary.

Pain-in-the-Ass part 2

I was planning a surprise birthday gathering for me and K. But some people just have to muddle up shits. We were supposedly going to meet Hafiz at Night Safari and surprise them, just among ourselves, friends, just like good old days, but I guess some people just have to spoil all the plans. Now they are planning a surprise birthday party for her somewhere else, East Coast Parkshit, with the cousins and shitheads.

I was tearing as Hafiz spoke to me about it. My plans for the surprise became their surprise. And they will have the credits. And poor Alf. No one knows abt the former plan she was gonna have. So everything got cancelled.

I remembered last 2 years or so, how I argued with her mum just because I wanted to give her a surprise, and she said I stole her daughter away from her. What a freak. I'm staying away from that nonsensical accusations this year. You can have her all you want. Watch out, I might steal her.. Wahhhahahah (evil laugh).

i tot it would be nice to gather again just like how it used to be. I forgot. This is never what it used to be....

Icon

I haven't been rambling for a looong time....

So I'm getting everything off my painful chest.. Wahhaha... Sounds like I got chronic cardiac problems.

There are 2 people who seemed to be gettin on my nerves ever so often and I dunno why. I should ROAR out loud. Afterall, I used to be the Lion King. Hahaa.

Attempted Climber 1
The Maid was out to test me. First of all, when I urgently wanted to make an announcement, she snapped at me and said, "No more announcements!" WTF! So you have PMS and decided to let it out on me? As a result, I have to headhunt my kids and I couldn't get through some of em. End result. Messy.

Prize giving day. She was COMMANDING. Yes, command. It was apparent how unprepared and messy the whole thing is. She expected perfection when in the first place,she isn't exactly showing an example. She got 'kan chiong' when things dun go as planned. And when we gave input on the seating arrangement, she gave that look of disapproval.

Come actual day. My gosh, she was shouting at the kids! I mean, it's their day when they get their glory and you are suppose to recognise their achievements... Ah well. THEN, came the last minute shit. She hurried me and BL with a list of names..

"Quick, quick, set up a booth!" I was like - wat booth?
She told me and BL to sell pics/dvds to the parents!!! It was NOT written on the itenary or the list of duties! Wassup with all the last minute shits!!!! I was pissed that I wish I could piss on her face! Maybe it wasn't her idea... But why throw the shit jobs to me! Just because I'm a BT!!!

Then came P1 orientation. She came into my registration booth and start meddling with our affairs. We planned to collect money when the parents are seated in their seats while the fill in the forms, coz it'll be more systematic that way... But no... she insisted we collect the money before the parents sit down on their seats. It caused a long queue outside the classroom an it was quite chaotic. On seeing this, she came forward and start collecting the money as well! So There are 2 people collecting and it caused alot of confusion among the parents who came forward to me and wanted to pay again... At the end of the day, there was an extra $10. And we dunno where it came from... Thanks to that maid. Messy.

I have lots to say.... But I dun have the time. So in the next blog will be the attempted climber 2.

Raya-ed out

I think this year has been swell.

Went out with Jo's JSSians and it was fab... Especially with Taufik Batisah in a cameo appearance. I didn't know he was so tall... Waaahhh...

But the best part of it was my sec skoolmates... We were THERE! We actually took time off to pose in front of our alma mater... At night and we were creating quite a din! I thought it was an awesome day. With Arf and Nana giving a tour of their home, racing cars on the roads like as if we were on go-carts, watching scary movies at nightfall, Azmi giving Joyo a fright of his life (he literally jumped on Ija)...

Talking about scary movies... We watched "Wujud". For those who know nuts abt its existence (wat irony), it's about of group of paranormal investigators going around S'pore to capture sightings... no not alien of sorts, but ghosts, all around S'pore. It's this amateur video where they were armed with only video cameras and bad lighting... and it was a major rip-off. We were scrutinising the video and figured that they have spoofed the whole shit up. WTH?? After so much hoo-haa, it was just a cheap scam! PLUS, the vid was full of English and even MALAY grammatical errors!!!! Some major spelling errors eg "life footage"... shouldn't it be "LIVE footage"? Someone please, edit the whole vid first before distributing it in the market... so embarrassing... Can you imagine a Malaysian-scholar-who-picked-up-the-video's shock and horror on the language used??? Tho I dun see why a Malaysian scholar would wanna pick up a crap video like this, but yeah, damn it, it's MALAY... Can't you even do MALAY...? I bet I can. So you can imagine the other parts of the English. Nuff said.

I mean, it's not because I'm a freakin educator. But it's just how we should potray ourselves in the local market. We are supposed to have the "educated population", aren't we? Well, not how the crap vid displays us.

Ian's mystery thingy with the ustaz was much scary, tho we see nothing much, but we feel the genuinity. Even the Indon movie, which we watched at Hairi's and Sahinah's, (Suster Ngesot) was much much more scary. Tell the truth, I was freaked out that night and I couldn't exactly hit the sack at ease.

Anw I'm sniffing school hols now..... Yeaaaayy!!! Jealous? Dun be.

I'll update my multiply album real soon... Wait up.

It's a Sunday morning. After a dose of polaramine, I feel quite light-headed... For the last few days, I've had fever, cold and occasional coughs. Not right as rain yet, hopefully soon enough so I can head down to the pool for a few laps and out cruising my neighbourhood with my legs....

Last sat, my cuz got married. Finally. While sitting my ass ard, one of the aunties who I've never seen before directed me to give out bunga telur, together with the rest of the kids... I dunno whether to be insulted or to take it complimentary. My mum had to explain that I'm shy. Then I realised she was my cuz's fiance's mother (what the fuck was she doing there, beats me). And someone told her that I am older than the bride and that I'm the eldest cousin among all. After that, she started talking to me like an adult, when initially she was hurling directive words at me. I take it that she thought I was a teenager, and that I looked young... There, makes me feel better.

The rest of the wedding was boring... Coz most of the time, me n my other cuz just sit and stare. I can't believe I just wasted a day... It was so hypocritical, I wonder why was I there in the first place. I hate my cuz's haughty mom (no I shall not acknowledge her my aunt) , and her new husband who thought he knew everything abt me even without me myself knowing it... Oh, it's such a long history...

Talking about weddings, I am in a frightful hot seat. I wanted to take initiatives and start planning things for my own, but I was chided before on how I take control of things without asking opinions. But I'm the organisational type, I take my own initiative to plan. And I carry things out need things be. But now, I have to take a backseat, as I painfully watch how things are never gonna be done.

I know I should not take control of things and be dominating. I should allow him some room to decide and direct. But I wonder if he even thought of it at all, unless I started probing. And I dun wanna be the desperate nag. I hate it. It's November already and according to plan, it should be December. But isn't it too late now? With nothing on hand?

I tried to plan holiday, but he thinks I'm giving him a time limit... I thought by doing that, it will speed things up and make things more efficient. Nope, it crashed down on me. So now I have to painfully take a backseat and watch..............

Maybe next year... Maybe not.....

It's been a while since Hectic with a capital "H" ruled by life... I feel that I'm smothered by so much work commitments. There are times when I wish time would stand still, lemme gaze around for awhile and prolly dream of Maldives... I dream too much.

I realise how much in time I have wasted and creating avenues to spruse up my life seems to be futile.

And GOODBYE BLOODY MTS!!! No more!
I guess it's the best for me. So much pride and principle they have trod on, I can't be living in hypocrisy all the time. I hate the fact that they are armourly saying they are "helping the community", but God knows what other plans they have. How they trod on religion, racial entity etc etc. Might as well not work for a Malay/Muslim organisation who claims to be "helping" but in real fact, they are just on the surface, touching slightly and not really making a goddamn difference. My tide with them may have subsided but I feel with all the negativities my HT said of me despite how sincere I was, gotta have knocked out the socks outta them.

"Siti, why are you always late? You're making the class wait for you...."

"It's not even 9. Classes start at 9."

"But you know they will cut your honorarium....."

"So it's not the class waiting for me then."

"You know I can write a report on your persistent late coming?"

Mumbling. "Yeah, figured."

"Sorry?"

"Gotta go, my class is waiting..."

Ever since then, I swear she hates me. She keeps coming to my class to pick on my pupils. She shouted at my pupils for not wearing proper attire to MTS. She said I was lenient for not addressing. So what? Is it important that they come to class attired in whatever is deemed proper? Its a good thing they even turn up for classes. I mean, the kids are putting effort to wake up early, on a Saturday morning, and you expect them to be properly attired like they would for school? I understand the need to conform, but shdn't you be flexible? What if they have no uniform to wear?

"Then no need to come la, Cher..."

And the people up there do not support my cause. They think conforming is more important then getting the kids to come to class. Personally, it's not what the kids wear. It's what they learn at the end of the day. Believe me, my kids aren't bogus. They know what's going on. At the end of the day, they learn how bogus the whole organisation is. How I sought to argue every other time when I disagree. Not a bad lesson,eh?

Screw the honorarium. The fatigue and the shits are too heavy. I'd rather go without it. Then having an overweight beast breathing down my neck and a lack-of-hair hobbit who skips along with her.

I'll find some other organisations who seek people to sincerely go out to lend a helping hand to kids.... At least I would go home tired but satisfied.

Making the Band....

I missed days when I used to go to Sembawang LKS to jam with my Ojaif buddies... Where are they? They seem to have disappeared... The main Ojaif-er has left the building, or jump off, I dunno and the Drummy had followed suit. The only band that has exposed me to what I truly love... Music. Even before Post-Mortem.

Then there was March the First. It was ok. Still making music. But it disappeared with the emergence of Dos Accidente. We played ONE countdown gig. And that's it. Then we played for a wedding. And now....

Me and my gf owned Syrens. We used to be 3.Then down to 2. That's where I get to write my own songs and play what we girls love. Trashy pop and alternative which we call our own. But convenience got the better of me. It's just me. And now silent....

I wanna still rock on. But no more avenue. As I strum my Santana, I filled my eyes with tears... Memories of songs I used to jam and performed.... Oasis, Lemonheads, sappy Indon love songs we created... And old songs like Cranberries, Jewel... Argh.

"I know a place where I can go.... When I'm alone. Into your arms I go, into your arms, I could go...."

"And she swears there's nothing wrong... I hear her play the same old song..."

"Here I am, once again, I'm torn into pieces... Can't deny it, can't pretend, just thought you were the one..."

"And I really wanna noe, my baby... And I really wanna say I can't defy..."

"Please dun make me cry, please dun make me cry, I'm just like you I know you know, I 'm just like you so leave me alone"

Excerpts of songs in my head...crooning....

So who will save my soul? I just wanna rock.....

Sometimes, we are often confronted with alot of un-expectations in this wretched day to day trodding. We meet new people, trusted more people, lose friends and acquaintances became closer and so on. Things come and go just like the tide. It's such a shame to know that nothing last forever. Yet, we have to swallow this like a jagged pill.

In these past few weeks and months, alot of events lead to surprising outcomes, some pleasant, others horrendous. Have you ever thought that you would soon be sinking in your own sweat? I didn't. But it DID happen. I shudder to think what lies ahead of me. So what next?

I wasted a whole day, not knowing if the day has brought about fruits or bear just greens. I was supposed to meet up with people who I find comfort, people who have been through the worst of times with me, in love and war. But it didn't turn out to be. But I met up with an old bud. Who haven't comforted me in ages. Who chooses to lead his life like a nomad, alone. He told me that why have alot of friends, when at the end of the day, you only come back to the ame ones. Of course your freinds will turn to be acquaintances, who only come to you should they need help. Yup. We are all guilty of it. Don't deny it. We all do it, subconsciously or not.

Then I realise that once upon a time, I had such great buddies. I lost them due to my ignorance. Or petty.

I still dun understand how not turning up when my friends are trying to celebrate my birthday can become such a sin. I soon realise that I am playing with time. I dun have enough, time is beating me to a pulp, and yet I still play with it. I can't indulge myself in doing work and expect time to wait for me. Time is really a cruelty yet time is the only factor we have for now.

I also came to sense on how birthdays remind you of how much achievements you do in life. Now how do you measure that? Where do I start? What is the mileage? I dun even know how to begin.

It's over. I'll just have to learn how to live on my own. Like how it's supposed to be. Learn to. There are times when my mouth itches to tell someone exciting stories about my life... Then I realise I have... No one.

Again, time is the biggest culprit. I dun stay up late anymore, I can't afford to. Some people can do it coz time isn't a factor. Time moves slowly, but for me, I hardly have time to say hello to my toes anymore. You can sleep your day away, but if I do, I'm in deep shit. I don't even have the stamina to stay past 1am.... My eyes will surender and all I can see is a black screen... Oooops, next stop, Dreamland.

I must admitall I do is whine and complain and as I am typing this blog, Time is laughing hillariously at me... WASTER!!! You just did it! A round of applause!

I better stop my ramblings for now. Phew.

Fireworks and Crowds

I need to know why I made the decision to come to school n a schoo holiday just to do my lesson plans. I must be made model teacher of theyear. I came to school on a school holiday. Only the OSOs and Florence is around. None of the teachers are in school. No one. Not even P or VP. Not even the 'super-onz' of the school. I was bored today I guess. Jo's working anyway. And I have a weekly LP and an Obs LP to do. If I stay at home, I can safely bet with anyone in the world, I'll never get things done.

Ad after having lunch all alone in my 'office space', I went around the internet, typingout this blog. No, I haven't gotten anything started at all... Wahaha.

National Day hols... I waied for the fireworks on the eve but the fireworks never came. According to Ijah and Joyo, oh, they have it every year. Anyway, I can never understand why ayone can be fascinated with fireworks... Actually, I dun really get excited or anything of sorts if there are fireworks. Cept for the memories when I went out dating with Jo... we watched fireworks at the Esplanade. We were not 'officially together' yet. But it was sweet... That's about all the feworks memory I could think of..

As if sulking from the fireworks hoo-haa, we went Holland V last night. Out aim was to get away from the crowd as much as possible. Me and Jo, with Fiz and Shimmy went to chill out, with intention of eating ice-cream and prolly, perhaps, chill out at wala wala. But we didnt made it to walal-wala though.

On our way there, we realised that people (esp youths and kiddies) are flocking o the Esplanade to watch the fireworks. Thank God we didnt go there! It must've been India there!

Speaking of India, of all days, last Sunday, we went to LITTLE INDIA. No kidding, Little India lived up to the overpopulated India, the continent. The nationals were hanging around Mustafa,no, not shoppping, but basically standing ard to catch up with friends and stuffs. They gather in front of the entrances... My God, I was spinning already. Too many people!! How can they survive??!! I remembered clubbing days... I was put off if there was too many people in the club. I'd move out to another club or prolly go home early. No, crowds are not my thing...

Ok, back to work. Enough of babblings.....

Fatigue

Week 6. On Friday I just witnessed my kid throwing a chair on another kid. There was some hurling of vulgarities and yeah, I had to come and stop it, he retaliated. I have never been at the edge of hitting someone across the face as near as that. I was shivering in anger. I grabbed his shirt and tugged it so hard that the button on his shirt tore.. He was going out of hand. I told him to cool himself down while I do the same but he went after the guy who he hit with a chair. I was so mad I ran after him and pull him by the collar. Luckily Wong KK was around and KK helped me take him and cool him down while I brought the rest of my class for my PE lesson.

Later, we had a one-on-one talk. I wonder if what I say actually goes through his thick skull. If not, I guess I have to apply other ways...

Apart from discipline shits, I figured that I have lots to do.... Markings will never be done. I keep having to pile on when I already clear some. It'll never quite end.

Masy got engaged today and I anticipated everyone asking when my marriage would be. I have already prepared a template in my head, so as and when they wanna ask, its all figured out. Well done, Alfiah. So professional! Wahaha...

After which, I head down for buffet dinner with Jo's family. Buffet wasn't fantastic. But ok. Well, at least I gotta chat with Jo's mummy. I still feel intimidated. I kinda shy away or become overly conscious on saying something, so much so that by the time I wanna say something, the topic changed already. Unlike talking to his sister. It was smootha and fine. I gotta get this thing outta my head. Be natural, Fiah. Why are you becoming not yourself? I dunno. Its just the nerve.

I'm feeling the backache now... Tired. Sleepy.

But hey! Its a 2 day work-week for me next week!!!! Yeay! Happy Birthday Spore! You gave me a long weekend to rest. LOL.

Hardship

I dunno hardship? I was never born with a silver spoon, people. Never did. Up till today, almost 26 years of my life on earth, my dad has never earned more than 3k per month. We NEVER had a family car, NEVER before. Most of our family outings are via public transportation.

My mom n dad got married when they were still at the brink of their youth, my mom was 19 and my dad was 21. My mom got pregnant and gave birth to me when she was going to be 22. My dad was just a lance corporal with the police force. With A levels, my dad was considered quite educated back then. I remembered my dad buying my mo her first ever Seiko when he got promoted to corporal. And she still put it on her wrist whenever she goes out with my dad UP till TODAY. K gave my parents , "The Most Romantic Couple Alive" title. Yeah, to a certain extent, I do find them quite a mush.

My mom stopped working when me and my bro start primary school. So can you imagine my dad, with only so much, fending for our household, my mom's needs, his childrens' needs and so on? But Alhamdulillah, we never got luxuriously great but we had everything.

We had love, and important factor of any family. My dad emphasize so much on religion when we were young, drilled us all the doa' s and prayers, and I am grateful today for that. I remebered I could not afford to buy my spike shoes for my competition, and my dad said to me,"Run with what you have, your pair of legs". As a child, I was bitter as my dad promised me a bicycle if I do well for my exams. Which I did, but at that time, we were facing some difficulties... I was too young to understand why my dad did not buy me the bicycle.

My dad could not go for further studies as he sets his priorities in providing for the family. He got stuck in the force with staff seargent rank for the longest time....

My dad quit the force to work with PSA. While doing that, he was also a relief taxi driver.... All that so that we can move to Woodlands, a bigger house so that my two younger siblings can have room. My dad sold our Yishun flat, did renovations in our Woodlands flat DIY so that he could have more money to save. Mom and Dad wanted to go Mecca, on a pligrimage for us Muslims. And they did.

Mom and Dad went to the holy land not once but for my mom, three times (2 on umrah), and my dad more than thrice. All sponsored trip. Alhamdulillah. My dad's ustaz wanted him to lead in Hajj and Umrah prayers for the other jema'ahs, hence he was given that opportunity to do so. Alhamdulillah.

Life was never a land of Gold for us. We have just enough. Yet we never fell into hunger and poverty. Thank God. Today, we have what we have, not too much, not too little. Average.

It is up to Him to bless you with the comfort of life. We worked hard, toiled through dirt and swet and at the end of the day, we are comfy. Rather than toiling but still never accomplished.

My mom is still a full-time housewife today,and doing what she loves best, sewing.

My dad works as a Security Officer at Aetos. And Alhamdulillah, we are still comfy, if not a lil better than we used to be. Barakah and Rezeki for us from Him.

There' s so much hardship can do to you. Seek help from Him. Be humble. Insya-Allah, life would be a lil better than we all think.

Busy Busy Bee... (TIC/Jas&Dro's Wedding)

I wanted to write so much and I have so much blogging moments already forgotten... Sigh. Work has taken its toll on me... I'm ALWAYS tired when I reach home. One whole day doing up projects, LPs and stuffs made me very very lazy to switch on my lappie when I reach home. I have resigned to the corner of my bed, almost paralysed, everytime I reach home.

On the 12th, we had our Investiture @ NTU. I was close to tears when none of my love-ones made it to my ceremony. While others scrambled out of the auditorium to look for their family members/bfs/gfs/spouses, I was lost. I was the only one queueing up for the buffet, taking my share of food and stood there quietly, so forlorn and depressed. Luckily, some of my friends who dun have anyone-coming-to-lay-their-warmest-hugs-to found me. So we took pictures. Later the whole gang appeared and we were crazed by our photo-taking frenzy.

Dippers!!!!!

Well, at least I had fun. Me and Eric made our way home straight after that....

Anway, 14th of July, my band played for Jasmine's Wedding @ Holiday Inn Parkview.....

Congrats, Jasmine and Leandro Soliano... May you be blessed with a fullfilling marriage...

Anyways, head on down to http://elfjajohannus.multiply.com for more excerpts on the wedding....

It has just been 3 weeks since the start of the term and already feeling the pinch. The pinch of workloads... Heck, its turning to be a real whack on my head. I realised how much I've piled my papers, esp 'markings' and stuffs. I tried to clear, but the more I cleared, the more I piled. Whhaaatt?? This is insane.

After 1.30pm, you'd start doing all the admin stuffs, remedial, answering to parents' endless phone-calls, not forgetting, you have a notice board to display by next week, Alfiah. You haven't done your 'research'... Yikes! Oh and this week, a lengthy workshop to attend. Uh huh, it's compulsory, babe, so you have to sit your ass there whether you like it or not.

Then comes the SGEM. You have to do something in line with this movement. It seems more like a campaign. Sometimes, I am so guilty of speaking so much Singlish. No, make it most of the time. In class, I'd prolly be the most fluent, efficient, eloquent speaker of all, but once I step outside, I turned into a vegetable-market auntie. My English, a mixture of Malay, Hokkien, Mandarin and specks of Tamil... I'd prolly go up to Ain and Laarva and go...

"Eh, how's your day? Tired anot? Sien you know, so damn hot lagi... Teruk, la... I tell you, that Mun-gen in my class ah........."

A typical conversation. Or things like calling up a friend,

"Hey, where are you? What time wanna meet? Not so late ah, I have things to do at home also....."

So much for speaking good English. Heck, its not universally understood, but definitely understood among Singaporeans. I think of it as a self-proclaimed slang. We have our own slang, due to the multi-cultural nation we live in. Rojak, we call it. I mean, how many of us are a pure race? I can't say I am... With my family being a Rojak of Javanese, Chinese, Indian... you can't possibly be communicating in an American accent, or the British accent.

Take the French, for example. One group of people who are proud of their race and heritage. Come on, they have an accent! They have a bloody accent, even when they speak English. The Scottish, they belong to the English World... They have that thick, 'rrrrr' accent as well. Listen carefully to Irish bands like U2, the Cranberries, the Corrs, Westlife... they have an accent too.... So why do we even bother. We are Singaporeans, we have an accent. Our own 'rojak' accent. Its like the Aussies greeting each other in "G'day mates", parallel to our "Woi Mat/Minah/Mun-gen/Thambi".... It's so fake if you meet a close friend of yours and decide to say, "Good morning, dear friend. How are you today?" in perfect, clean English.

I guess spoken English and written English shouldn't be placed equal emphasis. Of course, we all wanna let our kids speak English properly and fluently, but why deprive them of their native tongues? It's the way we are. Let it be. As long as they know how to write fluently, we shouldn't let them twist their native tongues to suit those of the Westerners....

I wanted to blog about the latest happenings in school, about my busy schedule, about going National Stadium to watch the closing and seated there for the last time, but something bug me even more than what I've been wanting to blog about.

In was tiring, for the past 2 days, staying till late for school and after a hectic jumble sale thingy, I made my way down to Kallang, with my aching legs and lerthargic body, with my sticky skin, sweat from the warmth of the environment.

He called it Global Warming.

Yeah, the weather definitely wasn't kind to us... It has been such a burning sensation. But it didnt help when you feel that suddenly you are actually disillusioned all this while.

I was hungry, tired and wanted a shower, so we agreed. When we reached, all I ever did was complaining and nagging at him on what a short period of time we had and we should have just left. This is me. I nag. I whine. I complained. And by now it should have already sink into you. But you had to show your rage. You slam the door, kicked everything in your way, and expect me to do--what? I called to order Mcdonalds', asked you if you want anything, but you shrugged me off with your holler saying you dun want anything. Of course, I being STUPID, did not order anything coz he didn't wanna eat so I felt rude if I were to order for myself and let him watch me. By this time, I was already feeling my stomach bloated as I skipped lunch and now dinner too? I usually eat 4 times per day but the whole day I was out in the hot outdoors, dehydrated, tired, not enough food to eat, and yet tortured again like this. I decided to boil water for the cup noodles. All this time, I only got the famous silent treatment. I ate half of the noodles, coz I thought he'd be hungry too, gestured it to him but all I got was a stern no. I put it aside, hoping he'd put he's ego aside too, and eat it. But he didn't.

I had indigestion. My stomach bloated and I fart and burp to ease myself... I got painful. I cried myself to sleep.

He fell asleep too. I woke up and saw him lying motionlessly at the edge of the bed. I gestured him to come nearer. He did so. I wanted a hug from him but he was reluctant. All in all, I felt rejected.

When I told him that we have to go, he got up to his feet and he started his rage agin. By now, my indigestions got worse and my stomach was aching so bad and the nausea kicks in. I hate this kinda thing.

But he just walked ahead, walking for miles wanting to buy ciggarettes and not asking me for any. I trudged along in pain... I was crying as I walked when I thought about the pain, the rejection, the ignorance....

It was the last straw when we were waiting for a cab, he refused and told me off when I told him that it was easier getting a cab on the other side. I couldn't stand it. I shouted at him and left. But he didn't come after me. I was lost, alone, wandering the streets crying and all emotional, in pain... but he was not there.

I realised how much I love him but not getting the same in return.

I'm having the worse pain now, but he wasn't there. He did not even bother to call me to ask if I am ok. He left for jamming. Heartlessly, he did all these.

It makes me feel so useles, unworthy and depressed. All the physical, emotional and mental pain and torture he left me with. Why can't you tell me what's wrong?

I remebered that we use to share alot of aspirations, all the love, our common goals.... You said of a dream to live our lives together with offsprings and all the other craps. I just feel so numb now. I'm sorry. Let me be for now. I'm very tired, weak and I can't take these anymore.

Nap Time!!!!

How to Fall Asleep Anywhere.

I got this article from Maxim online. I know you guys are not exactly 'angels' when it comes to sleeping early, and I know that we are so guilty of nodding off in front of our computer screen especially after lunch, or slept late last night catching a Primera Liga, Premiership or Champion's League match etc ... So here are some tips to nap.... Just don't get caught!!!

Tip #1: Time
“A good time to nap is around two o’clock,” says NSF spokesperson Kierstan Boyd. “That’s when you have a dip in your circadian rhythms, a drop in energy which will make it easier to doze. But napping anytime after four will screw up your night’s sleep.” Try not to snooze for longer than 30 minutes or you’ll reach the deeper stages of sleep, meaning you’ll be even less alert when you wake up.

Tip #2: Temperature
A warm bus or classroom may make you drowsy, but cool rooms are more conducive to napping because your body temperature drops during sleep (think bears hibernating in the winter). So when no one’s looking, turn down the office thermostat and scoot under your desk with a warm intern.

Tip #3: Total silence
There’s a reason they call it the waking world: It keeps waking you. If you can’t hide in a quiet broom closet, try earplugs or headphones, or put soft music on the radio. Or tune your dial to something less than thrilling—say, an L.A. Clippers game or an organic gardening show. You’ll be rocking in the arms of Morpheus faster than you can say “lacto-ovo vegetarianism.”


If you get caught or sacked from work, dun blame me..... LOL.

Reflections

Started off high pitch, ended with a wrong note.

Jo reminded me that he's still the sweet guy he was. Bought a bottle of lemon tea for me, we ate our dinner, and went to the hair salon to do our hair together. Sweet uh. Rare moments.

I finally e-mailed the teacher who I was supposed to pass down last night. After weeks of procrastination again, I finally did it. Yeay! Now to wait for the reply.

I had a freaky nightmare. In which I cried again. I dunno why I keep having nightmares and it has become quite frequent now. Am I traumatized by something? Or subconsciously wanting something so bad and fear not having it?

What have I become? Am I ruthlessly trying to do something without taking into consideration what i might affect? Or did I disregard things or people along the way?

Why do I feel restless and un-peaceful.....?

I can't believe that you haunt me till today. Our lives are never the same anymore. It's like you are in a totally different realm than I am today. You can't survive in the planet I have moved to now. Accept it. What happened was prolly the biggest mistake of our lives and I can't ammend it and neither can you. Your efforts would still be worthless even for a thousand years.

You chose to lead that rugged life of yours. I was just young and naive then. It was just my inquisitive nature and my girl instinct to be liking bad boys like you. Boys. Those were the days I was a meek lil girl. A confused lil girl trapped in the shadows of popularity. Trapped and blinded by detrimental motion. And you got trapped. I got away. You know once you are trapped you can never get out. And I won't wait.

Seriously, no other girl in the right state of mind would. At least not me. Not a girl like me. I was carefree. I wanna do mistakes after mistakes till I won't have to do anymore mistakes. I wanna learn as much as I can till I don't have the ability to. And you know you can't curb that part of me. You tried. You failed. Why won't you just accept it?

I have come a long way from that tattered and torn rag to a piece of rare silk I am today. I am furnished and surrounded with gems who loves me. Don't tear that away. You know you are stuck forever with that ribbon on your head and you can't erase it. It's hard for you, but over the years, have you considered that things change tremendously despite the fact you try to leave them as it is?

Why can't you leave my gems alone? Why do you need to find out how I am doing? Don't wreck my already mended life. I don't wanna sink in there anymore. I can't. I'm not who you used to know. That girl is dead long ago. She is burried in books. She is dead. Get it in your head. I am not her.

I have my solitaire diamond with me. He'll cut you deep if you dare.

I can't believe this is raking up again........

Final Theory

Another unproductive day... I can't believe how time flies when I'm doing nothing. I was clearing my room, trying to ORGANISE my stuffs... Effort really. Coz I gave up halfway.. when it's not even halfway there. Ok ok, I'll do it tomorrow. Wait, I have to go to school tomorrow to sort out my Kosmos. Then I guess, over the weekends then. Gosh, I have been procrastinating since the hols started. I just can't shake off this habit...

Jo failed his FTT, much to his utter disappointment... His face was as if a dog just peed on it. Fugly. I tried to cheer him up. Guess over dinner, I told him short anecdotes about my galpals' lives and how they failed and picked up the pieces. So it got his mind off FTT and started joking like he would, ridiculing people like he always do....

Well, failing FTT isn't bad as failing a marriage. It squeezes my heart that my closest galpals, 3 out of 4, went through that overwhelming, depressing point in time when suddenly you are left all alone and lost. Scary. I could never walk their shoes to know how it feels exactly, but their stories teared me already. It couldn't be as bad as failing FTT definitely.

I guess all this boils down to how you view your life to be. Can't let little bumps on the road swerve you. Look ahead at the oncoming traffic and always be vigilant. Life is like driving through roads in Malaysia. There are always potholes, bumps, cracks and what-nots, so it's up to the driver to drive as smoothly as he can. LOL.

On serious note, how bad can this be??? Just sleep it off and you'll be better the next morning.

Family Trip to Batam

After much persuasion from mom, dad finally decided it's not a bad idea afterall. Though he was quite pessimistic, at least he wasn't showing... It's our first family trip after more than 10 years I think... We woke up early... My bros were the ones who were being girls, taking such a long time to get ready....

So we reached Habour Front, and boarded Batam Fast, Asia's Favourite Ferry Operater (as advertised everywhere) and sat at the outdoor passenger area....

Dad came back from night shift so he got himself cosy and stretch himself on the seats and slept throughout the journey... While my sibs and I frolick around the ferry while on board, cept for Aisyah who was stiff (seasick) ...

We moved past Sentosa's battery fortress..

and the beaches...... Then it rained heavily.... Mum and Aisyah moved indoor so that they won't get wet.. But my Bros and I thrived the rain and got wet... After about an hour of so.... We reached our destination...... BATAM!!!

We decided to shop at Mega-Mall itself. Oh btw, check out the headines of the BatamNews.

If you can read Malay/Indonesian, you'd prolly be taken aback for awhile, then laugh your heads off.

Lunch was on top of the list.... We ate at Ayam Penyet... wonder why, when we could always eat Ayam Penyet at the S'pore outlets.... Then we dived ourselves into shopping.... At Matahari (something like Metro, Isetan department store)

But most of the time was spent in the Hypermart... They have the coolest things like Body Mists and perfumes... smelling like Escada, Hugo and what nots.... And funny foodstuffs... Their pharmacy department is so huge... They have many-to-choose-from medications just for headaches alone... Panadol is rolling its shutters down over there! And of course cheap too!

Example of prices would be: Sunsilk Shampoo - SGD 3

Instant noodles - Less than 10cents per packet

Cut Fruits - Less than a dollar

Cotton Blend Tshirts - Less than SGD 4

So naturally my mom got crazy... she shopped so much in the Hypermart....

and that was not all... some were in out bags... Yeah, my mom was contented, but my dad was tired.... We started off carrying only 3 bags in... At the end of the shopping spree, the bags sort of 'gave birth'.....




And so we sat down for dinner while waiting for the ferry at A&W's!!! Root Beer Float, Waffle Ice-cream, Sausage Melts... Yummy....






Finally we headed home.. all tired....

Although it was only for a day, it has been emotional for me. My family never got out for holidays or anything for the longest time (cept for Hari Raya Gatherings). Else we would be too busy with work, our social lives, school.... no time for family. So 12th June 2007, is a moment I'd cheris

For more pics, pls go to http://elfjajohannus.multiply.com/

Another weekend burned like wild fire....



Saturday, I stopped over at Hanis' Place for her engagement. At least now Baby knows how it feels to travel to and fro and let the humanity in him decide how far it is... If I'm late, it's purely coz it is really faaarrrr.



Well, I met up with my Northerners and we ate at Waroeng Penyet in Parkway Parade. I thought that Ayam Penyet Ria is definitely better. The sambal is edible at Waroeng Penyet tho. Ayam Penyet Ria's is like swallowing a globlet of fire.... you need Harry Porter to spray you with gallons of water down your throat after that....



We were supposed to find the large tree at Tanah Merah (near Expo) for our "adventure".... However we couldn't find it. Then someone suggested Punggol. Or whatever. Then finally we made the decision to Changi Village. Chill out by the beach, and we were such a rowdy bunch of teenagers. We squeeled, screamed, fought, pinch each other's hands, cheated and bluff our way through in our card games.



At the end of the day, everyone was perspiring like as if we played the egg-and-spoon telematch... but really, all we did was sit our asses playing heart attack. How healthy!

No holidays?

Week 2 of the holidays and I still haven't done anything productive cept for reading books and novels. Gosh, what a geek.

I was supposed to swim yesterday but instead, went to help Jo with his presentation for today.

My Batam trip with mom got cancelled coz dad kinda disagree to us going there... Well, he wasn't able to come along so he prolly felt left out. LOL. But I wanna go! Shucks. Prolly I'll ask my classmates... This is so booooring. Whyyyy???

Jo's not able to take leave so there.. No Holiday plans.... Boo hoo..... This is the first time in 3 years that I didn't go somewhere bagpacking or whatever during June... Yikes.

I thought I'd just rattle off some stuffs that had been going on in my head....

I thought. The older you are, the lonelier you get. You suddenly feel that you no longer possess that aura or circumference of people who share the same common goals. Especially now that I have gone on to the REAL world. The career world. The rat race.Whatever analogies that come along with it. Somehow, all that is testified today.

Suddenly, you're choked up in this room where everything is smoky, cloudy... depending on how you view it. You are alone. You can't call for help anymore. The more you wanna share your troubles with someone, especially those that have been together through thick and thin with you, seem so distant. They moved on. You choose to stay. You try to summon your 'kakis'.... But it seemed that you're the only one making the effort. You are no longer of their importance. They slipped away, one by one, you lose their names, faith, love, sense of belonging. You are alone.

Could you have attribute it to your own doing? Maybe. Was it because you show no emotion or love or anything that makes sense? Maybe. Could it because prior to this, you pay no attention to them either? Could be.

It's too late to make ammends. You try. You seem to fail. Have you? Are you losing them? Now you're all alone. Stand up. Straighten up your shirt. Let's see if you can do this.
Guess I must have been frustrated. And the more I thought about it, the more I sink into the dark smoky, cloudy room.....

Mississippi Gardens

We went SWIMMING!!!!! Cept for Jo who was being a spoil-sport, me, K and Hafiz had so much fun wading in the LAZY POOL and 'riding' the waves... Bintan, here we come...

So I punished Jo for being a spoil-sport by wearing a pair of goggles which I just bought for him....

And then there is Hafiz... aka 'The Float'.... Whahahaha......

Should have more of these kinda things...... Or maybe I need a life....

The Beginning I: Weeks of Crawling

I'm starting a new beginning... It's a whole life and more... I hate to leave this bliss I am currently in. PESS... Where it all begins. Now I have to leave it ALL.....

Done 10 weeks practicum in SLPS. Not too sure if heading to a different school means I should heave a sigh of relief or be brooding in misery.... Well, I hope it's not gonna be THAT bad.
SLPS have taught me in one way or another, being contantly up and running on my feet, always ready for unready-ness, do work in a small area,

Sharing spaces, being considerate and tolerant,

I missed my friends in practicum.... especially Gillian aka Mummy. I missed my kids...

Now I'm posted to Wellington. No, not New Zealand, I wish.... It's in a dark corner of Sembawang.... Hopefully it would be a new and positive environment.... Let's hope and pray.

It's a whole new beginning as a BT, challenging and all the realities sinking in. Yikes... What have I got myself into..... Anw, I'm excited... But I'm more excited now.... HOLIDAAAAAYYYSSS!!!!!!!!