I wanted to blog about the latest happenings in school, about my busy schedule, about going National Stadium to watch the closing and seated there for the last time, but something bug me even more than what I've been wanting to blog about.

In was tiring, for the past 2 days, staying till late for school and after a hectic jumble sale thingy, I made my way down to Kallang, with my aching legs and lerthargic body, with my sticky skin, sweat from the warmth of the environment.

He called it Global Warming.

Yeah, the weather definitely wasn't kind to us... It has been such a burning sensation. But it didnt help when you feel that suddenly you are actually disillusioned all this while.

I was hungry, tired and wanted a shower, so we agreed. When we reached, all I ever did was complaining and nagging at him on what a short period of time we had and we should have just left. This is me. I nag. I whine. I complained. And by now it should have already sink into you. But you had to show your rage. You slam the door, kicked everything in your way, and expect me to do--what? I called to order Mcdonalds', asked you if you want anything, but you shrugged me off with your holler saying you dun want anything. Of course, I being STUPID, did not order anything coz he didn't wanna eat so I felt rude if I were to order for myself and let him watch me. By this time, I was already feeling my stomach bloated as I skipped lunch and now dinner too? I usually eat 4 times per day but the whole day I was out in the hot outdoors, dehydrated, tired, not enough food to eat, and yet tortured again like this. I decided to boil water for the cup noodles. All this time, I only got the famous silent treatment. I ate half of the noodles, coz I thought he'd be hungry too, gestured it to him but all I got was a stern no. I put it aside, hoping he'd put he's ego aside too, and eat it. But he didn't.

I had indigestion. My stomach bloated and I fart and burp to ease myself... I got painful. I cried myself to sleep.

He fell asleep too. I woke up and saw him lying motionlessly at the edge of the bed. I gestured him to come nearer. He did so. I wanted a hug from him but he was reluctant. All in all, I felt rejected.

When I told him that we have to go, he got up to his feet and he started his rage agin. By now, my indigestions got worse and my stomach was aching so bad and the nausea kicks in. I hate this kinda thing.

But he just walked ahead, walking for miles wanting to buy ciggarettes and not asking me for any. I trudged along in pain... I was crying as I walked when I thought about the pain, the rejection, the ignorance....

It was the last straw when we were waiting for a cab, he refused and told me off when I told him that it was easier getting a cab on the other side. I couldn't stand it. I shouted at him and left. But he didn't come after me. I was lost, alone, wandering the streets crying and all emotional, in pain... but he was not there.

I realised how much I love him but not getting the same in return.

I'm having the worse pain now, but he wasn't there. He did not even bother to call me to ask if I am ok. He left for jamming. Heartlessly, he did all these.

It makes me feel so useles, unworthy and depressed. All the physical, emotional and mental pain and torture he left me with. Why can't you tell me what's wrong?

I remebered that we use to share alot of aspirations, all the love, our common goals.... You said of a dream to live our lives together with offsprings and all the other craps. I just feel so numb now. I'm sorry. Let me be for now. I'm very tired, weak and I can't take these anymore.