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Frogg

We went to the frog farm today!!!

I was so apprehensive about meeting these yucky amphibians, I could almost imagine their slime all over me. I wore pants today just in case any frogs wanna get nasty with me.
My pupils were all so excited. They were literally crazed on the idea that they will be allowed to touch the frogs.

I thought the bus ride was horrible. Luckily on my way there, I had Maisarah who took my mind off the motion-sickness. But on our way back, I wasn't so lucky.

Watched a documentary on Frog Farming at the screening there. I was quite pleased with the familiar jingle of "Hey Singapore!". Remember that TV show hosted by Lisa Ang? Oh she was so youthful and pretty in the documentary. Wonder how she's doing now.

Anywhow, we visited the Mating Pond. Was surprised to learn how familiar the mating process of the frog begins. I also learnt that frogs choose their mates. Adult males are usually more attractive looking so they can attract the female to mate. The female frog also has the right to reject. If a male frog "mounts" on a female and she doesn't like it, she would kick him away. And the male will have to hop along to find another. Funny how I find this hugely similar to the human culture.

They breed the biggest American Bullfrog there and they can actually grow very bif. Heard the biggest American BUllfrog weighs more than 30kg and is found in the Amazon. They are also called "Raincallers" as they are known by some old folklore as so when they croak.

The frogs aren't so hungry so when we fed them, they weren't so interested.

On my way back, in the bus, I felt so nautious and sick. But my girl had to do the honours. She puked and the smell makes me wanna puke. Poor me had to help her clean herself up. I felt soooo sick. Uweekkkk.... Grand Finale.


Ok I'm gonna catch an eye before cca starts . Siens.

Mondays are always shitty. It makes me so tired to come back. Not that I did not rest well. I thought I did.

I wanna go home....

NEW YEAR!!!!

OMG!!! I was soooo into my new life I completely forgot to blog!

I wanna blog about my Xmas in KL... But I didn't.
I wanna blog about the new year I spent on the side of the expressway (coz Joyo's vehicle broke down again)... But I didn't.
I wanna tell the world my silly jokes... But I didn't.
I wanna blog about Shimmy's and Kelly's wedding, but I didn't.

But 2010 is starting to be really cool for me. Hopefully, it would stay this way throughout the year.

I moved into my new environment. But of course, it was lonely at first. So lonely. I'm soooo bored that I went home sooo early.

Then due to boredom and loneliness, I spent my last 2 weeks in BBDC... Yes, I enroled to take my Class 3. Like finally moving my ass for it. BBDC's a stone's throw. I'll be the silliest person alive if I dun go for my license. And so far so good.

Being the "gregarious" person I am, I made a few good colleagues. One of em is celebrating her 21st birthday soon. Wow. It was almost 8 years ago when I had mine. So sad. But I dun feel old next to them. I think I must be the mentally deranged one. I'm finally laughing with some people.

Still, I missed the days when we punked each other back in wltps. I wonder if these people can take hard knocks and laughed it off together. I better not try. I might be making enemies, if not, raising brows. Too many senior teachers here who are prim and proper. If they aren't senior, they seem senior. And dun forget that my cubicle's position is in front of a holy person. I'm seated in front of a Brother. I dun really give two hoots. I'm enjoying the sedentary life I have now.

I wonder if Bee and Laarva are okay. Missed them.

And I kinda wished I could shout over the staff room and laughed my head off. Like I would do last year... And the year before... And last.

Thsi year, my resolution is to get my class 3, play my last season, and travel more to places I wanna go.

Happy new year to me!

Historical Events that happen on my Birthday....

24 August 79 AD:
Mount Vesuvius erupted and destroyed the city of Pompeii and Herculaneum.

24th August 1511:
Portugese troops under Alfonso Albuquerque occupy Malacca.

24th August 1847:
Charlotte Bronte finishes manuscript of "Jane Eyre"... Beautiful.

24h August 1891:
Thomas Edison patents his first motion picture camera... Nikon, Canon, Pentax... suck it.

24th August 1981 (the exact day I was born):
Mark David Chapman is sentenced to 20 years to life for John Lennon's murder...

24th August 2006:
Pluto no longer called a planet, instead demoted to being a "dwarf planet" alongside Ares.... Sob sob...

So I deduced that...
I've a very eruptive temper, visionary and dominant, a good writer, takes good pcitures, could murder a famous musician and always constantly "belittled"...

Have a nice day.

What I Did last summer.. I mean, week

Managed to catch up with the PESS babes...



Had fun catching up on our lives....

Joe is on reservist. Stoopid idiotic people who plan the freaking reservist in the middle of December, 2 weeks of whatever is left of my precious holidays, now ravaged by Joe's temperament. Who the hell plan this? Why should Joe go for so many exercises when in fact, sorry to express this, only protecting the growing influx of foreigners and foreigner's assets?

Are the army really protecting our home? I think ICA should protect our home by limiting foreigners a place to invest and stay. That's why up till today, our S'porean identity is still in ambiguity. We dun have anything to hold on to, sadly. Coz the landscape is ever changing... Look at Orchard Road. I swear 80% of the surroundings have been changed. So what can we relate to?

Enough of the unjustly system. Not that I'm doing anything about it. I can't even if I wanted to. My husband's a Poh not a .....

Happier Notes.

Managed to go out with the gals... Gals day out with bride-to-be Shimmy. Nun and Ijah got her a crown and a bouquet of flowers for her to carry wherever she went... She was okay at Botanic Gardens, but took it off halfway in Orchard. Had a great time laughing our socks off...

Went to Snow City.... It was freeezing.... -17.4 degrees, whoa!
We are not supposed to take pictures in Snow City as they have an official photographer and you have to pay $15 for a picture, but I managed to sneak a few shots of Joe and Baby Risq Aryff....





After which, we went to get Hainanese Chicken Rice at Clementi... So yummy! Would definitely go back there to eat! But it wasn't really near the interchange, have to walk a bit. But I dun mind at all! I had roasted hainanese chicken rice and additional of stir fried liver and gizzard (in other words, chicken spare parts) and yummyyyyyy.... Ija went back there again at night with Joyo to eat... Ija could be either hungry or just lovin it!

Just when I thought everything was ay-okay... Things started to irked me up a little. I just realised that not alot of people are contented with the simpler things in life and that once again the theory of indirect proportionality of money and heart. The more money you have the less heart you got. But it's true. I have not met a rich person who is simple, down-to-earth and full of empathy. I guess I could call my quest quits.

I cannot understand and will never understand how people can be so heartless, ungrateful and unapologetic... I hope I dun fit the abovementioned bill.

And I love my Mom. She's simply loud, choosy, naggy, never impartial (coz she takes my sister's side most of the time), try-to-be-high-class-but-fact-is-she's-middle-class and yet... She has a heart.

And most of all, she loves me.

Why am I not excited....

My roller-coaster ride has finally reached its initial start-off. I'm glad... yet I'm not sure why I'm completely elated or why I'm not exactly jumping for joy.

I just the emotions I had these few days have been a little overwhelming. First, the utter disappointment of rejection. Posting was rejected. After weeks of appealing and begging for life (I was just short of being on my knees), they left me hanging by saying that they will only reveal the results by 8 December. Which made me even madder than I already was.

Meanwhile, I was experiencing new things back in this new cove of mine. Different environment that made me a little uncomfortable, I'm not sure I could step into untouched territories but I have to move slow and steady.

So much work to be done.

Then the great news came. I long to be free one day.... and HR department called and my appeal was approved. However I do not have any memo, my P doesn't have it, neither did the school. I guess they just take a super long time to do up stuffs, as they always have. Too many red tapes and don't get me even started on the bloody system.

I still dunno why I'm not excited yet.

I'm gonna miss the great friendship I made here. The bittersweet memories... Should start singing Bittersweet Symphony...



I'm in love with Mark Kanemura. He rocks. Love love love.

Getting ready....

These few weeks have been extremely busy for me... Marks processing and PGD... Such energy-devouring weeks it has been.

I wanted to blog out a few stuffs, but I was thinking of letting out how I feel today.

I "tore down" my cubicle. I removed all pictures and inspirational quotes that kept me going, that got me feeling happy, those that whenever I look at them, it reminds me of a great life I have. Or had.

As I was "tearing" them down, I was singing this Boyz II Men song, "It's so hard to say goodbye"... I'm a child of the 90s, so yeah, I used to love them. Its an emotional 10 minutes for me. Reminded me of things I went through to get this far and finally leaving after soooo much intense pressure. It's like a drug, a pain-relief medication... I'm so morbid.

I will miss the good times I had with good friends I made.
Mary, my first friend in Wellington,
Jumari the goof, the bad, the ugly...
Laarva who is always there to lend a listening ear (and bought me breakfast today)
Lisa and her bubbly personality who cheers me up whenever I'm exhausted,
Bee who always advices me and keeping me always positive,
Nala - coz I love to bully her,
Uncle Shahrin who's always there to layan my silly jokes,
Suart Hong who shares me her life and experiences,
King Yang who is always so kind and such a pure gentleman (some say gentle only)
Ting Tuan for making my life a lil funny with her "sudden surprises" and "nodding away"
Ronald and Kumar, great companions, and the only few people who can speak my language.

and all those who had rubbed me in their special way... I hate to say it but I'm gonna miss you guys...

I definitely made enemies along the way. Recently gained one I think. All because of this yap of mine that won't stop sometimes. My mouth has a mind of its own.... I dunno if I should even be apologetic.

Anyway.... I'll have to start life all over next year. A lil scary yet filled with relief....

Boomz-ing in Pride

My trip to Vivo last weekend inspired me. I strolled past NewUrbanMale, and they were having a BOOMZ sale with LEOPARD PREENZ wear. I wasn't making this up. I read this on the signage outside the entrance. That's exactly what they printed.

It seemed to be the latest tad for advertising and in my opinion, has enhanced our “Singaporean identity crisis”…. Wahahaah.

I was chuckling at the thought of how this Ris Low lady had ruled our life and created the 'new lingo' and utilising this 'newly-created' lingos such as 'boomz' or 'shings' to spice up our Singlish vocabulary. We are poking fun at her poor grammatical and pronounciation mistakes, and we are asking ourselves, is she real or what? What is wrong with her? Not only is she so cheena, her attitude puts off a lot of people.

I supposed there is nothing wrong with her, she is just a result of media attention and probably a little too much to ask, but she has became what we all call it, a media whore.
This is probably what she wanted to achieve, a new-found celebrity status and even though she pulled it the wrong way, well, she made it. And she owes her 'success' to everyone of us.

We poked fun at her, we laughed at her diction, we talked about her almost all the time when we sat down for coffee. So there you go. We 'created' her 'success'. The more we talked about her, the more 'popular' she is and she is probably smirking and brimming with pride on how 'famous' she has become. Face it, not everyone has the conscience or the ability to reason or judge, as well as some others. She may not be living with similar values with all of us. Despite her controversial credit card frauds and all her actions on camera, she is proud of herself. She is one person who had grabbed attention whether the right or wrong way. She has milked us off, all the attention she wants. She did it. She is recognised now.

I'm no grammar Nazi (as my husband thought so), but some people who posted videos of her in FB and blogs and youtubes, are no different.

I was reading some comments about her, and yea, we are all guilty. We spell simple words and phrases wrongly too (and this is not short-form or internet abbreviations, I assure you). We also tend to use our tenses and vocab in the wrong way.
Some words/phrases I come across in the comments: "Roll Model"
or "what happened recently issues"

Actually, we all have a little Ris Low in all of us. It's just how apparent we want it to be.

My two-cents worth. Many might not agree with me though.
And I respect that.

Stereotypical Me

My colleague was sharing on this course she was attending. She went on about her facilitator being very 'controversial' by asking the class to pen down their thoughts on certain social topics which are always stereotypical.

I decided to pen my answers.....

Men are... wonderful 'creatures'
Women are... God's take on beauty, love and weakness

Chinese men are... gamblers
Indian men are... drunk
Malay men are... lazy

Chinese women are... flat yet naggy
Indian women are... voluptuous but ignorant
Malay women are... superficial and stupid

Chinese husbands are... afraid of their wives
Indian husbands are... abusive
Malay husbands are... killing children

Chinese wives are... killing their husbands
Indian wives are...suffering
Malay wives are... killing themselves.


Just for cynical pleasure. No harm intended....

Weekends Well Spent...

Joe and I woke up early on Saturday morning and we went to grab KFC AM riser!!!! Such happiness, I gorged AM Platter meal and felt fully sated. Yummy!

Went back home to do some cleaning, chilled out, then Joe and I went on a run. Pardon me, I have not ran long distance for the longest time (pun intended) and my Joe is a half-marathon runner... I must be sick. He was in a darn good mood, he encouraged me on, even though the pain was creeping up in my muscles and I could feel the lactic acid in my gluteus maximus.... But he motivated me, by running my pace, almost half walking (coz I was in the verge of stopping). At the end of the run, he kissed my sweaty forehead and said, "I'm, so proud of you...". That instant was when the pain disappeared, oops, but only for that micro-instant.... We warmed down by walking around Jurong Lake Park and could see so many beautiful sights, too bad didn't have a cam with me...
I rewarded myself with an ice-cream after the run, hey, I deserve it... Then Joe said I'm putting back the calories I've burned, but I don't give two hoots.

After resting for awhile, we went to Jurong Point. Our intention was to watch a movie but nothing good was on, so we abandoned the idea, went to the DVD rental shop to rent DVDs and bought a Supor wok from NTUC. Yeah, I'm so wifey. M-i-L didn't look too please, but I shall not elaborate further.

We ended the Saturday night by searching for the darn remote control for the DVD player. Hilarious, we have DVDs and a DVD player without the remote control.. Dad-i-L, Joe and me went around every nook and corner but to no avail. D-i-L said prolly Joe discarded it during his cleaning spree before I moved in.

But we watched Bourne Ultimatum. Couldn't watch the foreign movie Mongol, coz no RC, no subtitles.

We woke up late ont he lazy Sunday morning, with doing normal stuffs like laundry, and I went on to cook Tom Yam soup... First time ok. And Joe loved it... Success!!!!! Wait, most importantly, Dad-i-L ate my cooking for teh first time prolly and Mum-i-L told me to leave some for her before she left for classes! I was on top of Mars, Jupiter and prolly Saturn!

I'm so proud to say that I can, officially, cook... Tom Yam soup.





So I'm not looking forward for another week in school, but I hope it's as great as my weekends...

Of Raya, Mid-Autumn's and love

Went raya-ing last Saturday, with our special guest appearance, Firdaus. Kinda weird not talking to him after all these years and rumours lingering around him. It's so bizarre with our gang "expanding" with additions like Baby Aryff, Baby Auni, Baby Soffiyah, Baby Amir Khan and the latest pack, Baby Adrianna.



Joe and I lit up our own lanterns for Mid-Autumn's. Love burning and smelling sulphur and soot in the air. Wahahah. The kids were curiously eyeing on our cheap lanterns. I couldn't help but notice how pretty, animated, huge and colourful theirs are. Unfair. Sulk sulk.



Joe went home even more sick then he already is, and we forgo the JSS raya-ing. He was mostly asleep and if he was awake, he was in super bad bear-ish mode. Which of course, made me wished he'd just go to sleep. So most of the time I was doing about my own things.

I took leave on Monday after witnessing Joe's insomnia (which made me unable to sleep myself) due to the awful, throat-ripping coughs he had, most of which ended up making me sit up, wide-eyed with shock.
Coming back to hell wasn't exactly exciting, semtrex training, in my opinion, was the most useless, time-consuming and most uninteresting training ever done. We have done this in CEPP, I believe and the same booklet from SCDF too. I came home so tired to even start marking anything, ended up with me hitting the sack so early and poor hubby had to entertain himself with games and stuffs. How the heck would I know? On my way in the train, I saw 3 more new games being uploaded to my iPhone. Nice going.

I feel for Lavalamp and sometimes wished I could do something to ease her agony or lift her spririts. But boy, if I were in her shoes, nothing in the world could cheer me up. I mean, the motivation is already dying, yet people around her had to twist the blade and push it even deeper. Lavalamp, be strong, yeah?

Self-Indulgence

Yesterday was self-indulgence at its very best. I couldn't understand, are we doing it for the children? It seems that we enjoyed ourselves more than the kids do. Did we not know that kids' attention span are curtated, especially when it involves anchoring their asses to the floor?

Geez. All the planning ebbed as some people just wanna do random stuffs, and adding things under the wire, just like that. Hey, what can I say, I have no power. If I had known that at the eleventh hour, there are many who wannna 'showcase', I would have backed out. I think my partner and I would only be glad. Lalithaa requested, under much comtemplation, so I thought, alright, just do it. But others wanted the limelight too... And continue to bore the hell off the kids!!!

Ah well. No use brooding. I did not choose to speak out. It's just me, not wanting to hurt others but ending up hurting myself. I love doing this and then lament all about it. Feel like such a coward sometimes...

At the end of the day, Incubus will resonate through my head...

"So don't let the world bring you down,
Not everyone here is sad, fucked up and cold.
Remember why you came and while you're alive,
Experience the warmth before you grow old..."

Brandon Boyd kept me going. I love him.

Lazy-Munster

The week started when my LP got stuck again. Me and the stoopid LP system do not get along...

I hate to say this but I'm at my most lazy mode right now. I can't seem to do anything back at home, coz I was so darn tired. Yesterday, hubby was sick in bed, so he didn't go to work and I can't help but feel that tinge of jealousy biting into my flesh. I went back and started lazing, I took out a few pieces, but immediately surrendered to oh-so-powerful laziness.

I really couldn't pick myslef up after that onwards. I lie down and watch Discovery and then think of what I would do if I were a powerful general in WWII. Then I imagine myself to be Anne Frank, the muslim version. Demented, man.

I think all that gorging and gluttony over the past week due to raya visiting has created a lazy monster in me. I'm going out tonight, but I'm too lazy to go. Yet I have to but I dunno.... WTH!

Ok, back to immersing myself in WS...

Such an ass

This week has been a seriously frustrating week. Credits are flying out to the least deserved and the rest of us have been facing music.

Not that I do not love music, but this trance-dance music is the kind that knocks you off your chair, leaving you wishing that you were never born. In some extremes, screaming, throating, hatred-grunting are also fused to create more atmosphere and expression.

NAPFA is the worse of them all. Messed up and yours truly had to clean up the mess.

Then there was the niqc thingy. That had a whole undeserving team earning a silver award for nothingness. Not so cozy nothingness, Faz. I dunno why I had to turn green, when I know that all these human beings just do not possess such a thing called CONSCIENCE. The more I learn about him, the more queasy and nauseating it became. I couldn't look at him with respect anymore. The same way I feel against all the others living in the same first floor lair of theirs.

But I did a clutzy move when I lost the tickets for the MAF and had to report to him. He advised me to see neo. My Gawd, I didn't know that he was just saving his ass, just in case he was shot down and I meekly took instructions from him to see neo. Such an over-exposed ass. I got gunned down on the very spot about irresponsibility, about how we younger ones do not understand the meaning of working together as a community. Such BS la. It's not the community, it's once again, the ass.

I can't wait to get my posting results. That smell of freedom in the air...

I feel so tired after all these, wish I could just leave and lie down and do something like tearing papers and cutting them up into shreds. I feel psycho. I still need to stay behind to do the niqc thingy. sigh.. I wonder what's Laarva up to. Most of the time, she would have left by now....

Countind down to the days when I could just leave and start anew.

Of Oatmeal Raisin cookies, posting, physically ill and Patrick Swayze

Last weekend was taken up by spnding quality time with mum n sis baking cookies... We did 3 cookies, and many blunders happen. It was lucky that we didn't burn down the whole kitchen... My first time doing oatmeal raisin cookies. Brought back the nostalgic days Nurah and I went to the library in NIE during fasting month to buy oatmeal raisin cookies for break fast coz we were craving for it... So funny... We went to library for the oatmeal raisin cookies, not for books... How I wished I had captured a moment with her on oatmeal raisin cookies. Wahaha.

Anyway, people seem to know despite the fact that I have managed to keep it under wraps... Its such a stupendous organisation where all these lil unimportant things seems to resonate in people's minds more than how we can effectively and productively do something to change the Goddamn online LP posting.... Most silly and inconvenient thing this wretched place has ever done. Yes, it's new, so we are uncomfortable but ICT is to assist and this is definitely not assisting. So screw the online thingy, I'm not doing it with pride as I used to. Coz its simply silly.

Today, I was so unwell, hubby thought I was preggy. He was soooo edgy for a while. So I went doc and nope, I'm not, so phew. I'm just dehydrated and my body fluids are giving up on me. This is what happen when you stand in the field, under the hot sun, teaching PE, for 6 periods and then not eat properly and not drink well enough during break fast. COngrats. And yeahoo to the scorching hot weather. Makes people grouchy too.

Patrick Swayze died, at 57 and another talented man and wonderful man gone. So scary. Seems that legends die and pop stars and reality TV rules. Man, our media industry really evolved. Love him or hate him , he is well-remembered for Dirty Dancing, most of all Ghost with Demi Moore... And that soundtrack "ohhhh myyy lovveee... my darliiingg...."
Most of all, his resemblance to my dad-in-law... *chuckles*.
Joe's frens called Dad-in-law, Patrick, after Patrick Swayze.

So yeah. I still have no appetite to eat. yet my tummy hurts...

He lived his dreams

Wished I had the guts to belt out just like him...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaPWIOzOn68


Check this out, a teacher and a powerful vocalist....

Post Birthday

So I turned 28 yesterday. Not a big deal. Kinda reminded me of all my wasted youth. I could have and should have done alot of things that might make me a better person. But 'if's, 'should have's and 'could have's are such sad words...

Kinda happy. Aisyah, the best sister in the world, brought me to Causeway Point to get something for me, however, her plan backfired when she forgotten to bring the voucher she got for me.. So funny.
Mummy and sis got me a birthday card each. Ordered pizza... But I didn't get my pastaaaa... Mummy said she wanna cook pasta but she didn't... She went to buy briyani instead. Hmph. I was sulking like a small kid, quite unbecoming of a 28-year-old, but hey, it's my party, and I cry if I want to... But the time spent was more priceless anyone could asked for. I choked back my tears when my mom told me to learn to be patient and start listening... In other words, start becoming like her. How is that possible? She's the most patient person in the world!

Joe said he had a whole weekend of activity lined up for me.. We're fasting anyway so most likely we only will have dinner with the goons. They suggested Chai Chee Steamboat... So faar... Ah well. I need to get presents for Hairi and Hafiz too. Coz we're celebrating the August babies. Can't wait for this weekend! But its only Tuesday... Such sadness....

First day of Ramadhan

Soooo many things happened this past week. But I will start with today.

Today, first day of the Ramadhan. I started off my day by going to school on a Saturday to finish up my NIQC project (coz I dcould not find the notes at home, then after 30mins of searching, found it on TT's table!) only to get stuck coz I don't have KY's part. Decided not to wait for him. Went out to Clementi to go to my favourite Reject Shop. It's exciting coz sometimes you will find very pleasant things at cheap prices there. However, when I got my things and wanted to pay at the counter, the cashier asked me..

"Please pick your 5 G-Strings..."

"Huh??"

"Oh, for every $10 you spend, you'll get 1 free g-string. You spent $50 mah, so choose 5." she pointed to a huge basket next to the cashier.

I was kinda stunned for a while, and I almost wanted to burst out laughing. But I picked out 5 thongs anyway, like a reprimanded child. I dunno if I would look sexy but the prints are so girl-ish or almost child-like. Like navy-striped G-string. And a guitar-printed, distasteful pink and brown thongs. Aww come on, you gotta be kidding me.
The cashier put them into my plastic bag, and I went on my way... I need to teel someone urgently so I called hubby. He laughed when I narrated the whole story to him. It's so weird. Can you imagine if its a male customer? Yikes.

Went home only to realise that Joe had uninstall his Open Offce coz it was taking too much space. So he redownloaded the doc again. I have no MS Word and ordering from mine.sg was a big mistake. Sure, cheaper, but it takes such a long time.
After 2 hours or so, the connection got disconnected and Joe went into a frenzy. Joe darling, don't turn into a monster, please solve problems first. And I am helpless, can't finish up the report. Called Faizal. He said it's ok for me to go to his house later after break fast. I decided that I should just let Ariel do the editing and asked Hongster to send the report to her for vetting anyway. Ok, one burden off. Phew. So tiring.

Ok, off to see if mum-i-l needs help in the kitchen. I'll write more later.

The week went by with lotsa shit and work, with the bitch barking on me on Wednesday, Zippy thingy and Friday, met up with Lisa, together with Lava n Peina. Spent such a looong time in banquet.

Today was Risq Aryff's first birthday celebration. Finally met up with the goons. Been so long. Still did not get to meet Hairi though. He was so late, Joe was so cranky and end up me being so pissed.

Sometimes I wished Joe understands that I can't live in solitude like he can. I mean, I haven't met my friends for some time and all I wanted was to spend time with lil Auni, lil Aryff and lil Soffiyah. And of coz their parents...

I am so sick of living in silence. I find myself so cooped up, I can't shout on top of my lungs, I can't laugh out loud to my heart's content... I know Joe isn't comfy at my place either. I wished he could understand that I feel the same way here. I didn't complain coz I only tolerated. We put off looking for a flat due to financial situation, yes, and I could only understand. But I think I have been so understanding. How can I remedy the situation? I can only keep quiet and understand or try to. I dunno how I could take this. I dunno why am I so patient... I am so crazy.

One day, because of Joe's solitary lifestyle, I am gonna lose touch with my goons lives. And perhaps one day my family. I dun want that.... I want to be with my sister.... I love my sister.... I love mummy. So emo... I wanna go out. I think I'm gonna tell Joe I wanna go NTUC. Maybe a breath of fresh air all alone will make me feel better. This is a perfect excuse to go out.

Eavesdropping...

Joe mentioned last night that I will frown wheneverI mark.

I'm in the midst of marking when I realise, yes, true.. I was frowning. Great, now I'm self-conscious.

I overheard Cikgu speaking to a parent on the phone. Yes, I know, Kaypoh. But it was loud and I couldnot help it. The parent, I suppose, was angry initiall, but after the conversation, he apologised to Cikgu.

Years and years of handling parents gave Cikgu such calmness and respect. Should dig up a few pointers from him.

".. biarlah saya terangkan dahulu..."

"perkara pun dah berlaku, kita kerjasama la selesaikan nya, kalau tuduh-menuduh, tak kan selesai..."

"... saya faham sangat anak awak tu, bukan dia tak bagus pelajarannya, dia cuma perlu dorongan..."

Let me explain the situation first. It has happened, let us work together to resolve it, don't blame each other. I understand your son completely, it's not that he's no good academically, he needs more encouragement only.

Some of the things he said in a calm, authoratative tone.

Ok going back to class.

UPDATES

Let's see.....

Thursday, went to meet up with the girls, Nun, Shimmy and me, tag along Syna to buy white pants... Finally, she got herself a pair! All these for wearing red and white in school.... So funny, should have borrowed her my pants.

Yesterday, everyone was in a sea of red and white in school... So weird. I feel so CNY at the same time. I also noticed not alot of men have white pants.. Only Fairus, Cahmon-Cahmon and Airi don white pants.The rest of the men were wearing white, beige, brown, khaki.. and worse was Ju, who wore something that looks like an American eagle and grey pants... Crazy.




I'm gonna miss Mary. Mary was my first friend in this wretched hell. We are so different yet we have so many babbles to share. She's one friend who I could confide and cry to and still never judgemental. Now that she's no longer there for me to babble with and bitch... I'm gonna run out of school as fast as I can.... No reason for me to be in school. I still have Lava who I can trust. But poor Lava have so much more burden than anyone could ever carry. My whines became so minute next to what she went through this year... I can't imagine how.

My bridesmaid, Nurul got married today too. SO drama. So much emotions. So much crying. I can't recall mine to be that emotional. My mum was smiling from ear to ear... My dad was so busy talking to guests... I recalled my nikah, and realised how simple Joe and I were. We did the akad at home, my reception and dinner were at the multi-purpose halls next to our blocks. Jo was there to cover the event....



And boo hoo hoo.... Joe still hasn't edited our wedding video... I'm not gonna see it.. perhaps 10 years later...

Met up with the goons, Faizal, Yuhan, Hafiz and Atie... Haven't seen them since the wedding. Atie's tummy is sooo huge. 8 months already.... Oh, I had so much fun... Laughed the whole time. The best people to hang out with when you need a good crack up...




My husband is sleeping beside my feet as I am typing this now... Poor Joe. So tired.

Cook

I think I'm starting to like cooking...

I can't cook for nuts, but these 2 months, I have proven to myself what a cook I have been. I have unleashed my culinary prowess!!!

Today, I tried to cook broccoli with mushrooms in oyster sauce. I did it by feel. Nope, not following any recipe. Hubby said it was great!!!



I know.. I know... Looks like shit.
But tastes like broccoli and mushroom, ok?

Light of my Life

So many reactions from people...

"what? You got married? Why never tell me?"

"You? Married? Kidding right?"

"Eh how come your didn't invite me to your wedding..?"

Deep shit. I had alot of friends I did not really kept in touch. So I didn't invite them not because I didn't want to, but I do not have their numbersss!!! Gosh... Then facebook brings a whole new level of 'keeping in touch' and suddenly I have sinned.

Ah well... My weddings' over. It wasn't that great anyway. My marriage is far better. I still have an outdoor photoshoot to do, which I still haven't do. Haven't got the time to. Bummerrr....

Recently celebrated mum-in-law's birthday. Here is Mum with Liana and Nadya.



Didn't know I was the kids were sooo attached to me... Liana (3 years old) said this to me:

"Auntie Alfia, you are the the light of my life. Uncle Joe, you are her husband."

I really cracked up so hard. That's how Uncle Joe is seen now. Just a husband.
Well, I didn't know I had such a great impact on a 3-year old. I guess I do now.

Still doesn't change my mind about having children. My mind swayed abit after Uncle Mokhtar left Auntie June without any kids and all lonely. But I think I can live with that. I think.

30th July 2009

Today is the day.

My mom-in-law's birthday. Did not really celebrate coz I could not bring myself to celebrate.

My Uncle Mokhtar passed away this morning, he was suffering from liver and kidney dysfunction. On top of that he had a weak heart and was also having signs of Alzheimer's. To make matters even more painful, he's an Australian citizen and died in his hometown, Perth. When my mom sms to tell me that, automatically, tears welled up in my eyes, as his image entered into my heart and mind. Suddenly, I remembered how he was so fond of me and bro, Alil. When he was younger, he lifted both of us in one go, walking along the corridor and into the malls.

Uncle Mokhtar and my Auntie June have no children. They pretty much live on their own and had their own corner Muslim Restaurant in Spencer Village Shopping Place in Perth. I cannot imagine the agony my aunt has to go through now that she's alone without her husband...

Without children, she would be alone in the huge house. Sure she has friends, but nothing comes closer than family. I feel so bad that sometimes I took her for granted. I do not know how it must have felt like right now.

My uncle passed away in his sleep around 10 am this morning. Please pray for a safe journey for him in the afterlife, InsyaAllah.

Goodbye Frank McCourt

When I first laid my hands on Frank McCourt's Teacher Man, I was immediately hooked onto it. Teacher Man was one of Mr McCourt's genius work. I drowned into his sorrows, his love, his difficulty, his ingenuity, his blatant yet dark cynical humour. Teacher Man talks about life as a young teacher and how he coped in his first few years of his teaching career. It got me inspired and if you are a teacher, you can immediately relate to him. It seems like he's speaking up for all new teachers out there. And how apt, I read his masterpiece in NIE.

After loving Teacher Man, I moved on to read Angela's Ashes. I was so moved to tears and I must admit that I teared up a couple of times. Angela's Ashes spoke of his childhood of poverty, when his family moved back to Ireland during the Great Depression and how poverty made him such a survivor. Poverty also grabbed away his sibling's life... and how his mother went to dirt, toil and shame just to make sure that the family live.

'Tis was a brilliant one too. 'Tis illustrate his life as a new man, his relationships, his family back in the states and how he picked up his life for a better one, from a blue-collar to a university graduate and eventually an inspirational teacher in a high school.

Frank McCourt serves as an inspiration to me, he makes me pick up the pieces of what I had left and move on and integrate into normal life that I had. He made me feel human again, and how he felt that poverty made him grew stronger... It really set me thinking, how ungrateful we have all become.

Frank McCourt left us all on 19 July 2009 at the age of 78. He wrote 4 brilliant books, won a pulitzer prize with his first book and at the age of 60, and when the other authors asked him where had he been with all that talent, he replied, "I have been teaching."

He wrote only 4 books in his career as an author, one on poverty, one on teaching and one for his Mom......

Frank McCourt, you inspire me.

Its a good thing I start blogging again. I have been driving myself crazy lately.

I'm so overly pressured to do alot of things and responsibility doesnt come easy. There are times when my patience is wearing me out, but I just had to keep my head up high. Last night was berserk. Ran amok. Mental. Delusional. Scary.

I did not know what to do or how to tackle such issues. I do not know whether to sleep it off, or solve it. I do not know whether to comfort or to ignore. It was a challenge for me and my super weary soul and yet, I'm force to decide. I was so afraid I could get physically hurt even. This had gotten way outta hand. So much so that an inanimate object is the victim of a blunderous catastrophy.

As silly as it looks like, it could turn very ugly if anyone was to be in my shoes.

Then I also have to decide whether work or husband. I know work will make husband pout but I have no choice. Most of the time, I will use his lappie and he will be either gaming or frowning. But how? I can never get things done without a laptop. I can't buy a laptop yet... Poor me.

Look I know I'm never direct in my blogs, but I just like it the way it is. Self expression.

A depressed blog again.

Alot of bickering and uncertainties now. Plenty of arguements and non-related issues. This is so painful. I can't sleep in peace anymore again. I have to turn and stir till I'm finally physically tired, but my head juices are still pouring with all the thoughts and solutions for everything.

I tried to sing myself to sleep, but with every song, I thought about how the lyrics relate to me... NO... too much thinking, I tried gaming on my new toy, but it reminded too much of how i scorned at this. I seem to never get away with alot of things.
Today, I woke up feeling tired, aching, uneasy, head throbbing... I can't do this. I need to stay away for awhile. I realised I lack the 'alone' time I used to have. So I stayed out of work to be alone, swallowed some cool drugs to ease my pain and catch up on what normal people call sleep.

But when I woke up, it was there again, the hurt, the stress... It was temporary. NOw, I'm forced to get out of my 'alone' shell and to face the ultimatum. How I wish I could run. But where? I have trapped myself in this rut.
I need more 'alone' time... But this will be a very rare activity.

..... as I am typing this, I was just shelled heavily without cover or protection....

Post Wedding

It's still sinking in that I'm now a wife. Gawd... It's so awkward. Sometimes, I feel like I have a HUGE responsibility, yet Im enjoying every moment of it. Alhamdulillah, the wedding was mostly smooth, so major cock-ups and nothing delirious happened. I have alot of people to thank, as without them, it would not have been possible.

1. My mummy and daddy for planning the Sunday reception.... And sponsor. hehe.
2. My mum and dad-in-law... The dinner food was great, so many great reviews, a wide array of sumptious food... I was so pleased!!
3. My sister, Aisyah for being there throughout, for being my emotional support, for encouragement and alsways being there whenever I need her.
4. My bro, Khalil, for running errands, for driving all over Singapore to get my stuffs, for painstakingly being patient (even though time consuming as your sense of direction was soooo poor), for ensuring the Sunday reception and dinner run smoothly and of course, for fetching me to and fro.
5. My lil bro, Khairi, for being my official videoman, for helping me run errands as well, for helping me out with my gubahans.
6. My cuzzie, Ijah, all the way from KL, endering her help and assistance whenever necessary.
7. My siblings-in-law, Julianna and Aidil (thanks for chauffeuring), Junaida and Akhbar for ensuring our wedding dinner run smoothly (with so much perspiration)...
8. Kak Ratna () for the wonderful henna, everyone was so impressed... They loved the colour and the consistency of the pattern...
9. Kak Rose ()for the awesome decoration of the multi-purpose hall for our wedding dinner... Our guests loved it too.
10. Kak Juls (), the person behind my makeover, a great friend and confidant, a chirpy yet intelligent and charismatic make up artist.... I'm glad you are the person who made me beautiful.
11. My maid-of-honour, Nurul... Thank you for being there and ensuring that things run smoothly.
12. My bridesmaid, Kheriah, who helped out with customer servise relatins, especially during dinner...
13. Faizal (Joe's bestman), Yuhan and Hafiz... Thank you for the lovely acoustic set and your pre-wedding suggestions.

And all those who I did not mention, you are part of my love and life... thank you for being there...

Updates

I had not been updating my blog for a very looong time. Last update was October 2008. That was 7 months ago. I even forgotten that I had a blog page. Hahha.

Another 29 days to our wedding. Preparations are crap. I hate doing so many things at a time. I had to prepare whatever nots here at home for the Sunday Reception, and also to prepare Saturdays Dinner. Moneybox, guestbooks, RSVP list, sitting arrangement, Standies, Itenary, Wedding Cake etc etc etc. Yes Joe's helping out with the montage and the song list and liaising the acoustic set up... Phew.

Work also was not too kind to me. On top of marking 5 classes all by myself with a tight dateline, I screw up the exam paper. I need to prepare treasure hunt for the camp and then prepare an item like a treasure hunt for the SWB meeting as well. All due Monday. Crazy.

And the flu is killing meeeee...

Ok gotta go. Lotsa work to do. Bet I have to stay home on Saturday. Boo Hoo.. I do not have a life.

I feel that the longer I am in this, the harder it gets. I feel that I have finally gotten to know his even better. Sometimes, I wish I could live in a delusional world where everything is just perfect.

I guess it's only in the movies where your other half celebrates your every success and feel happy for you. Is it true that why some women never got married was because men refuses to take in their successes? And is that the reason why women are into their career so much, they ignore their need for love and life?

I wanna be a superwoman and do both. I am, afterall, a woman with dreams. I have the right to dream. Maybe whatever I dream may not be ideal for everyone else in this world but it makes me happy. If it's a golden opportunity for me,I'll take it. Of course with the expense of your wants and needs. But it doesn't mean I will simply put off my responsibility. Other women have done it, yet I am not even given the opportunity to juggle career and love. I was not even given the chance to prove that I am able.

I have plunged through so may shitholes and I wanna make it right for me and my family. Why can't yout just be part of me, by being my pillar of support, the pillar to my successes? Why is it that all my decisions are shunned down?

I think it's all my own doing. I was the one who smeared and talk too much abt the politics that he hated the place. I was the one who gave him the impression of how shitty it is. But actually, it's not too bad once I got the hang of it. But for him, I am in hell and I do not deserve to be in such agony.. It's all my doing.... It's all my fault. I'm trying to undo it but I can't.

We used to think we could always be there for each other if there's love. I hope we could pull through this and be adults in handling this.

It's been awhile. So darn busy with all the school stuffs. There is so much to blog about but I guess I have forgotten all of em. Eid Mubarak to all my Muslim friends celebrating Aidilfitri.

Recently, Atie's mummy passed away. I could sense the devastation and the world crashing down on her. Reading her blog makes my skin crawl n thought abt what it would be like if it was me. I think I would prolly be jumping crazy n crushed... No feelings could describe the feeling of losing someone you love so much, someone you depend on all your life. Her only regret was her mummy not able to see her getting married this December. I could never imagine how.

When Granny got hospitalised, my spine send me the chills. I dunno why but as much as I am irritated, I feel so sorry for her. She used to be so active. She could walk around Orchard Road and shop on her own just prolly 2 years ago. Today, Granny only reminds me how people around me have grown older n that I have too. I'm so delusional for the fact that I feel I am still as young as I am and feel that I have so much I want to do. But it got slower-paced as I venture through n figured why people ard me have changed.

I couldn't agree more for the fact that just 10 minutes of running makes me feel like my lungs are bursting and that I have to rest and sleep. So sedentary. My body is fighting with my young-ish mind. I keep telling myself;I need more exercise, I need to go out more, I need to stay awake for this and that, I need to life weights so that my muscular strength will not deteriorate.... I am so afraid of growing old. I am so afraid of being old, weak n frail. I can only attribute this to my vanity.

Dad's right. Without spiritual sustenance, life would be so empty. It would only be so much if I don't love and tell myself to pray. I lack the discipline to submit. I only have myself to blame.

My neck is aching already. So much marking. Going back to it. Sigh... So much for celebration.