Bright Lights, No Familiar Faces

New blog

2010-04-18T17:07:00.000+08:00

check out my new blog

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Have Fun!

Frogg

2010-02-18T14:24:00.002+08:00

We went to the frog farm today!!!

I was so apprehensive about meeting these yucky amphibians, I could almost imagine their slime all over me. I wore pants today just in case any frogs wanna get nasty with me.
My pupils were all so excited. They were literally crazed on the idea that they will be allowed to touch the frogs.

I thought the bus ride was horrible. Luckily on my way there, I had Maisarah who took my mind off the motion-sickness. But on our way back, I wasn't so lucky.

Watched a documentary on Frog Farming at the screening there. I was quite pleased with the familiar jingle of "Hey Singapore!". Remember that TV show hosted by Lisa Ang? Oh she was so youthful and pretty in the documentary. Wonder how she's doing now.

Anywhow, we visited the Mating Pond. Was surprised to learn how familiar the mating process of the frog begins. I also learnt that frogs choose their mates. Adult males are usually more attractive looking so they can attract the female to mate. The female frog also has the right to reject. If a male frog "mounts" on a female and she doesn't like it, she would kick him away. And the male will have to hop along to find another. Funny how I find this hugely similar to the human culture.

They breed the biggest American Bullfrog there and they can actually grow very bif. Heard the biggest American BUllfrog weighs more than 30kg and is found in the Amazon. They are also called "Raincallers" as they are known by some old folklore as so when they croak.

The frogs aren't so hungry so when we fed them, they weren't so interested.

On my way back, in the bus, I felt so nautious and sick. But my girl had to do the honours. She puked and the smell makes me wanna puke. Poor me had to help her clean herself up. I felt soooo sick. Uweekkkk.... Grand Finale.

Ok I'm gonna catch an eye before cca starts . Siens.

2010-02-01T12:59:00.002+08:00

Mondays are always shitty. It makes me so tired to come back. Not that I did not rest well. I thought I did.

I wanna go home....

NEW YEAR!!!!

2010-01-28T16:55:00.003+08:00

OMG!!! I was soooo into my new life I completely forgot to blog!

I wanna blog about my Xmas in KL... But I didn't.
I wanna blog about the new year I spent on the side of the expressway (coz Joyo's vehicle broke down again)... But I didn't.
I wanna tell the world my silly jokes... But I didn't.
I wanna blog about Shimmy's and Kelly's wedding, but I didn't.

But 2010 is starting to be really cool for me. Hopefully, it would stay this way throughout the year.

I moved into my new environment. But of course, it was lonely at first. So lonely. I'm soooo bored that I went home sooo early.

Then due to boredom and loneliness, I spent my last 2 weeks in BBDC... Yes, I enroled to take my Class 3. Like finally moving my ass for it. BBDC's a stone's throw. I'll be the silliest person alive if I dun go for my license. And so far so good.

Being the "gregarious" person I am, I made a few good colleagues. One of em is celebrating her 21st birthday soon. Wow. It was almost 8 years ago when I had mine. So sad. But I dun feel old next to them. I think I must be the mentally deranged one. I'm finally laughing with some people.

Still, I missed the days when we punked each other back in wltps. I wonder if these people can take hard knocks and laughed it off together. I better not try. I might be making enemies, if not, raising brows. Too many senior teachers here who are prim and proper. If they aren't senior, they seem senior. And dun forget that my cubicle's position is in front of a holy person. I'm seated in front of a Brother. I dun really give two hoots. I'm enjoying the sedentary life I have now.

I wonder if Bee and Laarva are okay. Missed them.

And I kinda wished I could shout over the staff room and laughed my head off. Like I would do last year... And the year before... And last.

Thsi year, my resolution is to get my class 3, play my last season, and travel more to places I wanna go.

Happy new year to me!

Historical Events that happen on my Birthday....

2009-12-20T16:13:00.002+08:00

24 August 79 AD:
Mount Vesuvius erupted and destroyed the city of Pompeii and Herculaneum.

24th August 1511:
Portugese troops under Alfonso Albuquerque occupy Malacca.

24th August 1847:
Charlotte Bronte finishes manuscript of "Jane Eyre"... Beautiful.

24h August 1891:
Thomas Edison patents his first motion picture camera... Nikon, Canon, Pentax... suck it.

24th August 1981 (the exact day I was born):
Mark David Chapman is sentenced to 20 years to life for John Lennon's murder...

24th August 2006:
Pluto no longer called a planet, instead demoted to being a "dwarf planet" alongside Ares.... Sob sob...

So I deduced that...
I've a very eruptive temper, visionary and dominant, a good writer, takes good pcitures, could murder a famous musician and always constantly "belittled"...

Have a nice day.

What I Did last summer.. I mean, week

2009-12-14T23:44:00.006+08:00

Managed to catch up with the PESS babes...

Had fun catching up on our lives....

Joe is on reservist. Stoopid idiotic people who plan the freaking reservist in the middle of December, 2 weeks of whatever is left of my precious holidays, now ravaged by Joe's temperament. Who the hell plan this? Why should Joe go for so many exercises when in fact, sorry to express this, only protecting the growing influx of foreigners and foreigner's assets?

Are the army really protecting our home? I think ICA should protect our home by limiting foreigners a place to invest and stay. That's why up till today, our S'porean identity is still in ambiguity. We dun have anything to hold on to, sadly. Coz the landscape is ever changing... Look at Orchard Road. I swear 80% of the surroundings have been changed. So what can we relate to?

Enough of the unjustly system. Not that I'm doing anything about it. I can't even if I wanted to. My husband's a Poh not a .....

Happier Notes.

Managed to go out with the gals... Gals day out with bride-to-be Shimmy. Nun and Ijah got her a crown and a bouquet of flowers for her to carry wherever she went... She was okay at Botanic Gardens, but took it off halfway in Orchard. Had a great time laughing our socks off...

Went to Snow City.... It was freeezing.... -17.4 degrees, whoa!
We are not supposed to take pictures in Snow City as they have an official photographer and you have to pay $15 for a picture, but I managed to sneak a few shots of Joe and Baby Risq Aryff....

After which, we went to get Hainanese Chicken Rice at Clementi... So yummy! Would definitely go back there to eat! But it wasn't really near the interchange, have to walk a bit. But I dun mind at all! I had roasted hainanese chicken rice and additional of stir fried liver and gizzard (in other words, chicken spare parts) and yummyyyyyy.... Ija went back there again at night with Joyo to eat... Ija could be either hungry or just lovin it!

Just when I thought everything was ay-okay... Things started to irked me up a little. I just realised that not alot of people are contented with the simpler things in life and that once again the theory of indirect proportionality of money and heart. The more money you have the less heart you got. But it's true. I have not met a rich person who is simple, down-to-earth and full of empathy. I guess I could call my quest quits.

I cannot understand and will never understand how people can be so heartless, ungrateful and unapologetic... I hope I dun fit the abovementioned bill.

And I love my Mom. She's simply loud, choosy, naggy, never impartial (coz she takes my sister's side most of the time), try-to-be-high-class-but-fact-is-she's-middle-class and yet... She has a heart.

And most of all, she loves me.

Why am I not excited....

2009-12-01T22:34:00.004+08:00

My roller-coaster ride has finally reached its initial start-off. I'm glad... yet I'm not sure why I'm completely elated or why I'm not exactly jumping for joy.

I just the emotions I had these few days have been a little overwhelming. First, the utter disappointment of rejection. Posting was rejected. After weeks of appealing and begging for life (I was just short of being on my knees), they left me hanging by saying that they will only reveal the results by 8 December. Which made me even madder than I already was.

Meanwhile, I was experiencing new things back in this new cove of mine. Different environment that made me a little uncomfortable, I'm not sure I could step into untouched territories but I have to move slow and steady.

So much work to be done.

Then the great news came. I long to be free one day.... and HR department called and my appeal was approved. However I do not have any memo, my P doesn't have it, neither did the school. I guess they just take a super long time to do up stuffs, as they always have. Too many red tapes and don't get me even started on the bloody system.

I still dunno why I'm not excited yet.

I'm gonna miss the great friendship I made here. The bittersweet memories... Should start singing Bittersweet Symphony...

I'm in love with Mark Kanemura. He rocks. Love love love.

Getting ready....

2009-11-13T08:52:00.002+08:00

These few weeks have been extremely busy for me... Marks processing and PGD... Such energy-devouring weeks it has been.

I wanted to blog out a few stuffs, but I was thinking of letting out how I feel today.

I "tore down" my cubicle. I removed all pictures and inspirational quotes that kept me going, that got me feeling happy, those that whenever I look at them, it reminds me of a great life I have. Or had.

As I was "tearing" them down, I was singing this Boyz II Men song, "It's so hard to say goodbye"... I'm a child of the 90s, so yeah, I used to love them. Its an emotional 10 minutes for me. Reminded me of things I went through to get this far and finally leaving after soooo much intense pressure. It's like a drug, a pain-relief medication... I'm so morbid.

I will miss the good times I had with good friends I made.
Mary, my first friend in Wellington,
Jumari the goof, the bad, the ugly...
Laarva who is always there to lend a listening ear (and bought me breakfast today)
Lisa and her bubbly personality who cheers me up whenever I'm exhausted,
Bee who always advices me and keeping me always positive,
Nala - coz I love to bully her,
Uncle Shahrin who's always there to layan my silly jokes,
Suart Hong who shares me her life and experiences,
King Yang who is always so kind and such a pure gentleman (some say gentle only)
Ting Tuan for making my life a lil funny with her "sudden surprises" and "nodding away"
Ronald and Kumar, great companions, and the only few people who can speak my language.

and all those who had rubbed me in their special way... I hate to say it but I'm gonna miss you guys...

I definitely made enemies along the way. Recently gained one I think. All because of this yap of mine that won't stop sometimes. My mouth has a mind of its own.... I dunno if I should even be apologetic.

Anyway.... I'll have to start life all over next year. A lil scary yet filled with relief....

Boomz-ing in Pride

2009-10-29T23:26:00.001+08:00

My trip to Vivo last weekend inspired me. I strolled past NewUrbanMale, and they were having a BOOMZ sale with LEOPARD PREENZ wear. I wasn't making this up. I read this on the signage outside the entrance. That's exactly what they printed.

It seemed to be the latest tad for advertising and in my opinion, has enhanced our “Singaporean identity crisis”…. Wahahaah.

I was chuckling at the thought of how this Ris Low lady had ruled our life and created the 'new lingo' and utilising this 'newly-created' lingos such as 'boomz' or 'shings' to spice up our Singlish vocabulary. We are poking fun at her poor grammatical and pronounciation mistakes, and we are asking ourselves, is she real or what? What is wrong with her? Not only is she so cheena, her attitude puts off a lot of people.

I supposed there is nothing wrong with her, she is just a result of media attention and probably a little too much to ask, but she has became what we all call it, a media whore.
This is probably what she wanted to achieve, a new-found celebrity status and even though she pulled it the wrong way, well, she made it. And she owes her 'success' to everyone of us.

We poked fun at her, we laughed at her diction, we talked about her almost all the time when we sat down for coffee. So there you go. We 'created' her 'success'. The more we talked about her, the more 'popular' she is and she is probably smirking and brimming with pride on how 'famous' she has become. Face it, not everyone has the conscience or the ability to reason or judge, as well as some others. She may not be living with similar values with all of us. Despite her controversial credit card frauds and all her actions on camera, she is proud of herself. She is one person who had grabbed attention whether the right or wrong way. She has milked us off, all the attention she wants. She did it. She is recognised now.

I'm no grammar Nazi (as my husband thought so), but some people who posted videos of her in FB and blogs and youtubes, are no different.

I was reading some comments about her, and yea, we are all guilty. We spell simple words and phrases wrongly too (and this is not short-form or internet abbreviations, I assure you). We also tend to use our tenses and vocab in the wrong way.
Some words/phrases I come across in the comments: "Roll Model"
or "what happened recently issues"

Actually, we all have a little Ris Low in all of us. It's just how apparent we want it to be.

My two-cents worth. Many might not agree with me though.
And I respect that.

Stereotypical Me

2009-10-27T14:53:00.004+08:00

My colleague was sharing on this course she was attending. She went on about her facilitator being very 'controversial' by asking the class to pen down their thoughts on certain social topics which are always stereotypical.

I decided to pen my answers.....

Men are... wonderful 'creatures'
Women are... God's take on beauty, love and weakness

Chinese men are... gamblers
Indian men are... drunk
Malay men are... lazy

Chinese women are... flat yet naggy
Indian women are... voluptuous but ignorant
Malay women are... superficial and stupid

Chinese husbands are... afraid of their wives
Indian husbands are... abusive
Malay husbands are... killing children

Chinese wives are... killing their husbands
Indian wives are...suffering
Malay wives are... killing themselves.

Just for cynical pleasure. No harm intended....

Weekends Well Spent...

2009-10-11T21:12:00.002+08:00

Joe and I woke up early on Saturday morning and we went to grab KFC AM riser!!!! Such happiness, I gorged AM Platter meal and felt fully sated. Yummy!

Went back home to do some cleaning, chilled out, then Joe and I went on a run. Pardon me, I have not ran long distance for the longest time (pun intended) and my Joe is a half-marathon runner... I must be sick. He was in a darn good mood, he encouraged me on, even though the pain was creeping up in my muscles and I could feel the lactic acid in my gluteus maximus.... But he motivated me, by running my pace, almost half walking (coz I was in the verge of stopping). At the end of the run, he kissed my sweaty forehead and said, "I'm, so proud of you...". That instant was when the pain disappeared, oops, but only for that micro-instant.... We warmed down by walking around Jurong Lake Park and could see so many beautiful sights, too bad didn't have a cam with me...
I rewarded myself with an ice-cream after the run, hey, I deserve it... Then Joe said I'm putting back the calories I've burned, but I don't give two hoots.

After resting for awhile, we went to Jurong Point. Our intention was to watch a movie but nothing good was on, so we abandoned the idea, went to the DVD rental shop to rent DVDs and bought a Supor wok from NTUC. Yeah, I'm so wifey. M-i-L didn't look too please, but I shall not elaborate further.

We ended the Saturday night by searching for the darn remote control for the DVD player. Hilarious, we have DVDs and a DVD player without the remote control.. Dad-i-L, Joe and me went around every nook and corner but to no avail. D-i-L said prolly Joe discarded it during his cleaning spree before I moved in.

But we watched Bourne Ultimatum. Couldn't watch the foreign movie Mongol, coz no RC, no subtitles.

We woke up late ont he lazy Sunday morning, with doing normal stuffs like laundry, and I went on to cook Tom Yam soup... First time ok. And Joe loved it... Success!!!!! Wait, most importantly, Dad-i-L ate my cooking for teh first time prolly and Mum-i-L told me to leave some for her before she left for classes! I was on top of Mars, Jupiter and prolly Saturn!

I'm so proud to say that I can, officially, cook... Tom Yam soup.

So I'm not looking forward for another week in school, but I hope it's as great as my weekends...

Of Raya, Mid-Autumn's and love

2009-10-07T23:44:00.006+08:00

Went raya-ing last Saturday, with our special guest appearance, Firdaus. Kinda weird not talking to him after all these years and rumours lingering around him. It's so bizarre with our gang "expanding" with additions like Baby Aryff, Baby Auni, Baby Soffiyah, Baby Amir Khan and the latest pack, Baby Adrianna.

Joe and I lit up our own lanterns for Mid-Autumn's. Love burning and smelling sulphur and soot in the air. Wahahah. The kids were curiously eyeing on our cheap lanterns. I couldn't help but notice how pretty, animated, huge and colourful theirs are. Unfair. Sulk sulk.

Joe went home even more sick then he already is, and we forgo the JSS raya-ing. He was mostly asleep and if he was awake, he was in super bad bear-ish mode. Which of course, made me wished he'd just go to sleep. So most of the time I was doing about my own things.

I took leave on Monday after witnessing Joe's insomnia (which made me unable to sleep myself) due to the awful, throat-ripping coughs he had, most of which ended up making me sit up, wide-eyed with shock.
Coming back to hell wasn't exactly exciting, semtrex training, in my opinion, was the most useless, time-consuming and most uninteresting training ever done. We have done this in CEPP, I believe and the same booklet from SCDF too. I came home so tired to even start marking anything, ended up with me hitting the sack so early and poor hubby had to entertain himself with games and stuffs. How the heck would I know? On my way in the train, I saw 3 more new games being uploaded to my iPhone. Nice going.

I feel for Lavalamp and sometimes wished I could do something to ease her agony or lift her spririts. But boy, if I were in her shoes, nothing in the world could cheer me up. I mean, the motivation is already dying, yet people around her had to twist the blade and push it even deeper. Lavalamp, be strong, yeah?

Self-Indulgence

2009-10-01T08:29:00.005+08:00

Yesterday was self-indulgence at its very best. I couldn't understand, are we doing it for the children? It seems that we enjoyed ourselves more than the kids do. Did we not know that kids' attention span are curtated, especially when it involves anchoring their asses to the floor?

Geez. All the planning ebbed as some people just wanna do random stuffs, and adding things under the wire, just like that. Hey, what can I say, I have no power. If I had known that at the eleventh hour, there are many who wannna 'showcase', I would have backed out. I think my partner and I would only be glad. Lalithaa requested, under much comtemplation, so I thought, alright, just do it. But others wanted the limelight too... And continue to bore the hell off the kids!!!

Ah well. No use brooding. I did not choose to speak out. It's just me, not wanting to hurt others but ending up hurting myself. I love doing this and then lament all about it. Feel like such a coward sometimes...

At the end of the day, Incubus will resonate through my head...

"So don't let the world bring you down,
Not everyone here is sad, fucked up and cold.
Remember why you came and while you're alive,
Experience the warmth before you grow old..."

Brandon Boyd kept me going. I love him.

Lazy-Munster

2009-09-29T10:51:00.002+08:00

The week started when my LP got stuck again. Me and the stoopid LP system do not get along...

I hate to say this but I'm at my most lazy mode right now. I can't seem to do anything back at home, coz I was so darn tired. Yesterday, hubby was sick in bed, so he didn't go to work and I can't help but feel that tinge of jealousy biting into my flesh. I went back and started lazing, I took out a few pieces, but immediately surrendered to oh-so-powerful laziness.

I really couldn't pick myslef up after that onwards. I lie down and watch Discovery and then think of what I would do if I were a powerful general in WWII. Then I imagine myself to be Anne Frank, the muslim version. Demented, man.

I think all that gorging and gluttony over the past week due to raya visiting has created a lazy monster in me. I'm going out tonight, but I'm too lazy to go. Yet I have to but I dunno.... WTH!

Ok, back to immersing myself in WS...

Such an ass

2009-09-24T13:41:00.003+08:00

This week has been a seriously frustrating week. Credits are flying out to the least deserved and the rest of us have been facing music.

Not that I do not love music, but this trance-dance music is the kind that knocks you off your chair, leaving you wishing that you were never born. In some extremes, screaming, throating, hatred-grunting are also fused to create more atmosphere and expression.

NAPFA is the worse of them all. Messed up and yours truly had to clean up the mess.

Then there was the niqc thingy. That had a whole undeserving team earning a silver award for nothingness. Not so cozy nothingness, Faz. I dunno why I had to turn green, when I know that all these human beings just do not possess such a thing called CONSCIENCE. The more I learn about him, the more queasy and nauseating it became. I couldn't look at him with respect anymore. The same way I feel against all the others living in the same first floor lair of theirs.

But I did a clutzy move when I lost the tickets for the MAF and had to report to him. He advised me to see neo. My Gawd, I didn't know that he was just saving his ass, just in case he was shot down and I meekly took instructions from him to see neo. Such an over-exposed ass. I got gunned down on the very spot about irresponsibility, about how we younger ones do not understand the meaning of working together as a community. Such BS la. It's not the community, it's once again, the ass.

I can't wait to get my posting results. That smell of freedom in the air...

I feel so tired after all these, wish I could just leave and lie down and do something like tearing papers and cutting them up into shreds. I feel psycho. I still need to stay behind to do the niqc thingy. sigh.. I wonder what's Laarva up to. Most of the time, she would have left by now....

Countind down to the days when I could just leave and start anew.

Of Oatmeal Raisin cookies, posting, physically ill and Patrick Swayze

2009-09-15T20:08:00.004+08:00

Last weekend was taken up by spnding quality time with mum n sis baking cookies... We did 3 cookies, and many blunders happen. It was lucky that we didn't burn down the whole kitchen... My first time doing oatmeal raisin cookies. Brought back the nostalgic days Nurah and I went to the library in NIE during fasting month to buy oatmeal raisin cookies for break fast coz we were craving for it... So funny... We went to library for the oatmeal raisin cookies, not for books... How I wished I had captured a moment with her on oatmeal raisin cookies. Wahaha.

Anyway, people seem to know despite the fact that I have managed to keep it under wraps... Its such a stupendous organisation where all these lil unimportant things seems to resonate in people's minds more than how we can effectively and productively do something to change the Goddamn online LP posting.... Most silly and inconvenient thing this wretched place has ever done. Yes, it's new, so we are uncomfortable but ICT is to assist and this is definitely not assisting. So screw the online thingy, I'm not doing it with pride as I used to. Coz its simply silly.

Today, I was so unwell, hubby thought I was preggy. He was soooo edgy for a while. So I went doc and nope, I'm not, so phew. I'm just dehydrated and my body fluids are giving up on me. This is what happen when you stand in the field, under the hot sun, teaching PE, for 6 periods and then not eat properly and not drink well enough during break fast. COngrats. And yeahoo to the scorching hot weather. Makes people grouchy too.

Patrick Swayze died, at 57 and another talented man and wonderful man gone. So scary. Seems that legends die and pop stars and reality TV rules. Man, our media industry really evolved. Love him or hate him , he is well-remembered for Dirty Dancing, most of all Ghost with Demi Moore... And that soundtrack "ohhhh myyy lovveee... my darliiingg...."
Most of all, his resemblance to my dad-in-law... *chuckles*.
Joe's frens called Dad-in-law, Patrick, after Patrick Swayze.

So yeah. I still have no appetite to eat. yet my tummy hurts...

He lived his dreams

2009-08-25T23:55:00.004+08:00

Wished I had the guts to belt out just like him...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaPWIOzOn68

Check this out, a teacher and a powerful vocalist....

Post Birthday

2009-08-25T10:56:00.002+08:00

So I turned 28 yesterday. Not a big deal. Kinda reminded me of all my wasted youth. I could have and should have done alot of things that might make me a better person. But 'if's, 'should have's and 'could have's are such sad words...

Kinda happy. Aisyah, the best sister in the world, brought me to Causeway Point to get something for me, however, her plan backfired when she forgotten to bring the voucher she got for me.. So funny.
Mummy and sis got me a birthday card each. Ordered pizza... But I didn't get my pastaaaa... Mummy said she wanna cook pasta but she didn't... She went to buy briyani instead. Hmph. I was sulking like a small kid, quite unbecoming of a 28-year-old, but hey, it's my party, and I cry if I want to... But the time spent was more priceless anyone could asked for. I choked back my tears when my mom told me to learn to be patient and start listening... In other words, start becoming like her. How is that possible? She's the most patient person in the world!

Joe said he had a whole weekend of activity lined up for me.. We're fasting anyway so most likely we only will have dinner with the goons. They suggested Chai Chee Steamboat... So faar... Ah well. I need to get presents for Hairi and Hafiz too. Coz we're celebrating the August babies. Can't wait for this weekend! But its only Tuesday... Such sadness....

First day of Ramadhan

2009-08-22T17:56:00.003+08:00

Soooo many things happened this past week. But I will start with today.

Today, first day of the Ramadhan. I started off my day by going to school on a Saturday to finish up my NIQC project (coz I dcould not find the notes at home, then after 30mins of searching, found it on TT's table!) only to get stuck coz I don't have KY's part. Decided not to wait for him. Went out to Clementi to go to my favourite Reject Shop. It's exciting coz sometimes you will find very pleasant things at cheap prices there. However, when I got my things and wanted to pay at the counter, the cashier asked me..

"Please pick your 5 G-Strings..."

"Huh??"

"Oh, for every $10 you spend, you'll get 1 free g-string. You spent $50 mah, so choose 5." she pointed to a huge basket next to the cashier.

I was kinda stunned for a while, and I almost wanted to burst out laughing. But I picked out 5 thongs anyway, like a reprimanded child. I dunno if I would look sexy but the prints are so girl-ish or almost child-like. Like navy-striped G-string. And a guitar-printed, distasteful pink and brown thongs. Aww come on, you gotta be kidding me.
The cashier put them into my plastic bag, and I went on my way... I need to teel someone urgently so I called hubby. He laughed when I narrated the whole story to him. It's so weird. Can you imagine if its a male customer? Yikes.

Went home only to realise that Joe had uninstall his Open Offce coz it was taking too much space. So he redownloaded the doc again. I have no MS Word and ordering from mine.sg was a big mistake. Sure, cheaper, but it takes such a long time.
After 2 hours or so, the connection got disconnected and Joe went into a frenzy. Joe darling, don't turn into a monster, please solve problems first. And I am helpless, can't finish up the report. Called Faizal. He said it's ok for me to go to his house later after break fast. I decided that I should just let Ariel do the editing and asked Hongster to send the report to her for vetting anyway. Ok, one burden off. Phew. So tiring.

Ok, off to see if mum-i-l needs help in the kitchen. I'll write more later.

2009-08-15T19:52:00.002+08:00

The week went by with lotsa shit and work, with the bitch barking on me on Wednesday, Zippy thingy and Friday, met up with Lisa, together with Lava n Peina. Spent such a looong time in banquet.

Today was Risq Aryff's first birthday celebration. Finally met up with the goons. Been so long. Still did not get to meet Hairi though. He was so late, Joe was so cranky and end up me being so pissed.

Sometimes I wished Joe understands that I can't live in solitude like he can. I mean, I haven't met my friends for some time and all I wanted was to spend time with lil Auni, lil Aryff and lil Soffiyah. And of coz their parents...

I am so sick of living in silence. I find myself so cooped up, I can't shout on top of my lungs, I can't laugh out loud to my heart's content... I know Joe isn't comfy at my place either. I wished he could understand that I feel the same way here. I didn't complain coz I only tolerated. We put off looking for a flat due to financial situation, yes, and I could only understand. But I think I have been so understanding. How can I remedy the situation? I can only keep quiet and understand or try to. I dunno how I could take this. I dunno why am I so patient... I am so crazy.

One day, because of Joe's solitary lifestyle, I am gonna lose touch with my goons lives. And perhaps one day my family. I dun want that.... I want to be with my sister.... I love my sister.... I love mummy. So emo... I wanna go out. I think I'm gonna tell Joe I wanna go NTUC. Maybe a breath of fresh air all alone will make me feel better. This is a perfect excuse to go out.

Eavesdropping...

2009-08-11T11:26:00.002+08:00

Joe mentioned last night that I will frown wheneverI mark.

I'm in the midst of marking when I realise, yes, true.. I was frowning. Great, now I'm self-conscious.

I overheard Cikgu speaking to a parent on the phone. Yes, I know, Kaypoh. But it was loud and I couldnot help it. The parent, I suppose, was angry initiall, but after the conversation, he apologised to Cikgu.

Years and years of handling parents gave Cikgu such calmness and respect. Should dig up a few pointers from him.

".. biarlah saya terangkan dahulu..."

"perkara pun dah berlaku, kita kerjasama la selesaikan nya, kalau tuduh-menuduh, tak kan selesai..."

"... saya faham sangat anak awak tu, bukan dia tak bagus pelajarannya, dia cuma perlu dorongan..."

Let me explain the situation first. It has happened, let us work together to resolve it, don't blame each other. I understand your son completely, it's not that he's no good academically, he needs more encouragement only.

Some of the things he said in a calm, authoratative tone.

Ok going back to class.

UPDATES

2009-08-08T01:08:00.006+08:00

Let's see.....

Thursday, went to meet up with the girls, Nun, Shimmy and me, tag along Syna to buy white pants... Finally, she got herself a pair! All these for wearing red and white in school.... So funny, should have borrowed her my pants.

Yesterday, everyone was in a sea of red and white in school... So weird. I feel so CNY at the same time. I also noticed not alot of men have white pants.. Only Fairus, Cahmon-Cahmon and Airi don white pants.The rest of the men were wearing white, beige, brown, khaki.. and worse was Ju, who wore something that looks like an American eagle and grey pants... Crazy.

I'm gonna miss Mary. Mary was my first friend in this wretched hell. We are so different yet we have so many babbles to share. She's one friend who I could confide and cry to and still never judgemental. Now that she's no longer there for me to babble with and bitch... I'm gonna run out of school as fast as I can.... No reason for me to be in school. I still have Lava who I can trust. But poor Lava have so much more burden than anyone could ever carry. My whines became so minute next to what she went through this year... I can't imagine how.

My bridesmaid, Nurul got married today too. SO drama. So much emotions. So much crying. I can't recall mine to be that emotional. My mum was smiling from ear to ear... My dad was so busy talking to guests... I recalled my nikah, and realised how simple Joe and I were. We did the akad at home, my reception and dinner were at the multi-purpose halls next to our blocks. Jo was there to cover the event....

And boo hoo hoo.... Joe still hasn't edited our wedding video... I'm not gonna see it.. perhaps 10 years later...

Met up with the goons, Faizal, Yuhan, Hafiz and Atie... Haven't seen them since the wedding. Atie's tummy is sooo huge. 8 months already.... Oh, I had so much fun... Laughed the whole time. The best people to hang out with when you need a good crack up...

My husband is sleeping beside my feet as I am typing this now... Poor Joe. So tired.

Cook

2009-08-02T15:12:00.006+08:00

I think I'm starting to like cooking...

I can't cook for nuts, but these 2 months, I have proven to myself what a cook I have been. I have unleashed my culinary prowess!!!

Today, I tried to cook broccoli with mushrooms in oyster sauce. I did it by feel. Nope, not following any recipe. Hubby said it was great!!!

I know.. I know... Looks like shit.
But tastes like broccoli and mushroom, ok?

Light of my Life

2009-08-02T10:49:00.004+08:00

So many reactions from people...

"what? You got married? Why never tell me?"

"You? Married? Kidding right?"

"Eh how come your didn't invite me to your wedding..?"

Deep shit. I had alot of friends I did not really kept in touch. So I didn't invite them not because I didn't want to, but I do not have their numbersss!!! Gosh... Then facebook brings a whole new level of 'keeping in touch' and suddenly I have sinned.

Ah well... My weddings' over. It wasn't that great anyway. My marriage is far better. I still have an outdoor photoshoot to do, which I still haven't do. Haven't got the time to. Bummerrr....

Recently celebrated mum-in-law's birthday. Here is Mum with Liana and Nadya.

Didn't know I was the kids were sooo attached to me... Liana (3 years old) said this to me:

"Auntie Alfia, you are the the light of my life. Uncle Joe, you are her husband."

I really cracked up so hard. That's how Uncle Joe is seen now. Just a husband.
Well, I didn't know I had such a great impact on a 3-year old. I guess I do now.

Still doesn't change my mind about having children. My mind swayed abit after Uncle Mokhtar left Auntie June without any kids and all lonely. But I think I can live with that. I think.

30th July 2009

2009-07-30T16:33:00.004+08:00

Today is the day.

My mom-in-law's birthday. Did not really celebrate coz I could not bring myself to celebrate.

My Uncle Mokhtar passed away this morning, he was suffering from liver and kidney dysfunction. On top of that he had a weak heart and was also having signs of Alzheimer's. To make matters even more painful, he's an Australian citizen and died in his hometown, Perth. When my mom sms to tell me that, automatically, tears welled up in my eyes, as his image entered into my heart and mind. Suddenly, I remembered how he was so fond of me and bro, Alil. When he was younger, he lifted both of us in one go, walking along the corridor and into the malls.

Uncle Mokhtar and my Auntie June have no children. They pretty much live on their own and had their own corner Muslim Restaurant in Spencer Village Shopping Place in Perth. I cannot imagine the agony my aunt has to go through now that she's alone without her husband...

Without children, she would be alone in the huge house. Sure she has friends, but nothing comes closer than family. I feel so bad that sometimes I took her for granted. I do not know how it must have felt like right now.

My uncle passed away in his sleep around 10 am this morning. Please pray for a safe journey for him in the afterlife, InsyaAllah.

Goodbye Frank McCourt

2009-07-25T00:29:00.002+08:00

When I first laid my hands on Frank McCourt's Teacher Man, I was immediately hooked onto it. Teacher Man was one of Mr McCourt's genius work. I drowned into his sorrows, his love, his difficulty, his ingenuity, his blatant yet dark cynical humour. Teacher Man talks about life as a young teacher and how he coped in his first few years of his teaching career. It got me inspired and if you are a teacher, you can immediately relate to him. It seems like he's speaking up for all new teachers out there. And how apt, I read his masterpiece in NIE.

After loving Teacher Man, I moved on to read Angela's Ashes. I was so moved to tears and I must admit that I teared up a couple of times. Angela's Ashes spoke of his childhood of poverty, when his family moved back to Ireland during the Great Depression and how poverty made him such a survivor. Poverty also grabbed away his sibling's life... and how his mother went to dirt, toil and shame just to make sure that the family live.

'Tis was a brilliant one too. 'Tis illustrate his life as a new man, his relationships, his family back in the states and how he picked up his life for a better one, from a blue-collar to a university graduate and eventually an inspirational teacher in a high school.

Frank McCourt serves as an inspiration to me, he makes me pick up the pieces of what I had left and move on and integrate into normal life that I had. He made me feel human again, and how he felt that poverty made him grew stronger... It really set me thinking, how ungrateful we have all become.

Frank McCourt left us all on 19 July 2009 at the age of 78. He wrote 4 brilliant books, won a pulitzer prize with his first book and at the age of 60, and when the other authors asked him where had he been with all that talent, he replied, "I have been teaching."

He wrote only 4 books in his career as an author, one on poverty, one on teaching and one for his Mom......

Frank McCourt, you inspire me.

2009-07-14T17:03:00.002+08:00

Its a good thing I start blogging again. I have been driving myself crazy lately.

I'm so overly pressured to do alot of things and responsibility doesnt come easy. There are times when my patience is wearing me out, but I just had to keep my head up high. Last night was berserk. Ran amok. Mental. Delusional. Scary.

I did not know what to do or how to tackle such issues. I do not know whether to sleep it off, or solve it. I do not know whether to comfort or to ignore. It was a challenge for me and my super weary soul and yet, I'm force to decide. I was so afraid I could get physically hurt even. This had gotten way outta hand. So much so that an inanimate object is the victim of a blunderous catastrophy.

As silly as it looks like, it could turn very ugly if anyone was to be in my shoes.

Then I also have to decide whether work or husband. I know work will make husband pout but I have no choice. Most of the time, I will use his lappie and he will be either gaming or frowning. But how? I can never get things done without a laptop. I can't buy a laptop yet... Poor me.

Look I know I'm never direct in my blogs, but I just like it the way it is. Self expression.

2009-07-10T18:03:00.002+08:00

A depressed blog again.

Alot of bickering and uncertainties now. Plenty of arguements and non-related issues. This is so painful. I can't sleep in peace anymore again. I have to turn and stir till I'm finally physically tired, but my head juices are still pouring with all the thoughts and solutions for everything.

I tried to sing myself to sleep, but with every song, I thought about how the lyrics relate to me... NO... too much thinking, I tried gaming on my new toy, but it reminded too much of how i scorned at this. I seem to never get away with alot of things.
Today, I woke up feeling tired, aching, uneasy, head throbbing... I can't do this. I need to stay away for awhile. I realised I lack the 'alone' time I used to have. So I stayed out of work to be alone, swallowed some cool drugs to ease my pain and catch up on what normal people call sleep.

But when I woke up, it was there again, the hurt, the stress... It was temporary. NOw, I'm forced to get out of my 'alone' shell and to face the ultimatum. How I wish I could run. But where? I have trapped myself in this rut.
I need more 'alone' time... But this will be a very rare activity.

..... as I am typing this, I was just shelled heavily without cover or protection....

Post Wedding

2009-06-20T12:10:00.004+08:00

It's still sinking in that I'm now a wife. Gawd... It's so awkward. Sometimes, I feel like I have a HUGE responsibility, yet Im enjoying every moment of it. Alhamdulillah, the wedding was mostly smooth, so major cock-ups and nothing delirious happened. I have alot of people to thank, as without them, it would not have been possible.

1. My mummy and daddy for planning the Sunday reception.... And sponsor. hehe.
2. My mum and dad-in-law... The dinner food was great, so many great reviews, a wide array of sumptious food... I was so pleased!!
3. My sister, Aisyah for being there throughout, for being my emotional support, for encouragement and alsways being there whenever I need her.
4. My bro, Khalil, for running errands, for driving all over Singapore to get my stuffs, for painstakingly being patient (even though time consuming as your sense of direction was soooo poor), for ensuring the Sunday reception and dinner run smoothly and of course, for fetching me to and fro.
5. My lil bro, Khairi, for being my official videoman, for helping me run errands as well, for helping me out with my gubahans.
6. My cuzzie, Ijah, all the way from KL, endering her help and assistance whenever necessary.
7. My siblings-in-law, Julianna and Aidil (thanks for chauffeuring), Junaida and Akhbar for ensuring our wedding dinner run smoothly (with so much perspiration)...
8. Kak Ratna () for the wonderful henna, everyone was so impressed... They loved the colour and the consistency of the pattern...
9. Kak Rose ()for the awesome decoration of the multi-purpose hall for our wedding dinner... Our guests loved it too.
10. Kak Juls (), the person behind my makeover, a great friend and confidant, a chirpy yet intelligent and charismatic make up artist.... I'm glad you are the person who made me beautiful.
11. My maid-of-honour, Nurul... Thank you for being there and ensuring that things run smoothly.
12. My bridesmaid, Kheriah, who helped out with customer servise relatins, especially during dinner...
13. Faizal (Joe's bestman), Yuhan and Hafiz... Thank you for the lovely acoustic set and your pre-wedding suggestions.

And all those who I did not mention, you are part of my love and life... thank you for being there...

Updates

2009-05-16T11:46:00.002+08:00

I had not been updating my blog for a very looong time. Last update was October 2008. That was 7 months ago. I even forgotten that I had a blog page. Hahha.

Another 29 days to our wedding. Preparations are crap. I hate doing so many things at a time. I had to prepare whatever nots here at home for the Sunday Reception, and also to prepare Saturdays Dinner. Moneybox, guestbooks, RSVP list, sitting arrangement, Standies, Itenary, Wedding Cake etc etc etc. Yes Joe's helping out with the montage and the song list and liaising the acoustic set up... Phew.

Work also was not too kind to me. On top of marking 5 classes all by myself with a tight dateline, I screw up the exam paper. I need to prepare treasure hunt for the camp and then prepare an item like a treasure hunt for the SWB meeting as well. All due Monday. Crazy.

And the flu is killing meeeee...

Ok gotta go. Lotsa work to do. Bet I have to stay home on Saturday. Boo Hoo.. I do not have a life.

2008-10-11T10:14:00.002+08:00

I feel that the longer I am in this, the harder it gets. I feel that I have finally gotten to know his even better. Sometimes, I wish I could live in a delusional world where everything is just perfect.

I guess it's only in the movies where your other half celebrates your every success and feel happy for you. Is it true that why some women never got married was because men refuses to take in their successes? And is that the reason why women are into their career so much, they ignore their need for love and life?

I wanna be a superwoman and do both. I am, afterall, a woman with dreams. I have the right to dream. Maybe whatever I dream may not be ideal for everyone else in this world but it makes me happy. If it's a golden opportunity for me,I'll take it. Of course with the expense of your wants and needs. But it doesn't mean I will simply put off my responsibility. Other women have done it, yet I am not even given the opportunity to juggle career and love. I was not even given the chance to prove that I am able.

I have plunged through so may shitholes and I wanna make it right for me and my family. Why can't yout just be part of me, by being my pillar of support, the pillar to my successes? Why is it that all my decisions are shunned down?

I think it's all my own doing. I was the one who smeared and talk too much abt the politics that he hated the place. I was the one who gave him the impression of how shitty it is. But actually, it's not too bad once I got the hang of it. But for him, I am in hell and I do not deserve to be in such agony.. It's all my doing.... It's all my fault. I'm trying to undo it but I can't.

We used to think we could always be there for each other if there's love. I hope we could pull through this and be adults in handling this.

2008-10-02T21:09:00.002+08:00

It's been awhile. So darn busy with all the school stuffs. There is so much to blog about but I guess I have forgotten all of em. Eid Mubarak to all my Muslim friends celebrating Aidilfitri.

Recently, Atie's mummy passed away. I could sense the devastation and the world crashing down on her. Reading her blog makes my skin crawl n thought abt what it would be like if it was me. I think I would prolly be jumping crazy n crushed... No feelings could describe the feeling of losing someone you love so much, someone you depend on all your life. Her only regret was her mummy not able to see her getting married this December. I could never imagine how.

When Granny got hospitalised, my spine send me the chills. I dunno why but as much as I am irritated, I feel so sorry for her. She used to be so active. She could walk around Orchard Road and shop on her own just prolly 2 years ago. Today, Granny only reminds me how people around me have grown older n that I have too. I'm so delusional for the fact that I feel I am still as young as I am and feel that I have so much I want to do. But it got slower-paced as I venture through n figured why people ard me have changed.

I couldn't agree more for the fact that just 10 minutes of running makes me feel like my lungs are bursting and that I have to rest and sleep. So sedentary. My body is fighting with my young-ish mind. I keep telling myself;I need more exercise, I need to go out more, I need to stay awake for this and that, I need to life weights so that my muscular strength will not deteriorate.... I am so afraid of growing old. I am so afraid of being old, weak n frail. I can only attribute this to my vanity.

Dad's right. Without spiritual sustenance, life would be so empty. It would only be so much if I don't love and tell myself to pray. I lack the discipline to submit. I only have myself to blame.

My neck is aching already. So much marking. Going back to it. Sigh... So much for celebration.

2008-09-06T13:14:00.002+08:00

I have so many desires I wish to fulfill in my life as me. But I have to forgo alot of things. I wonder if any of these things I forgo are worth forgoing...

I wanna travel the world, go to places I have read and learnt so much about. Greece and their culture, history... Eqypt for as a child, i was so obsessed with pyramids and the different pharaohs of the different times. The ancient tombs and the process of embalming and mummification. Turkey, Morocco and the Mediterranean... the song, dance, literature... music. I would love to bagpack across Europe, go on board the Euro Express and see what I see in the movies. But I guess that's that for now.

I wanna have a wedding by the beach, but of course, my parents would prolly scream their heads off. Imagine dining and soft music lingering in the background, with the ocean breeze and the calmness of the crashing waves... of so beautiful. Then when the sun sets, we'll have some Incubus "I wish you were here" in the background and guests chilling out by the beach.....

Well, I tot if I couldn't get a beach wedding, then I could prolly get a garden wedding. Still next to nature. What can I say, I love the nature. With a 3-piece lounge band comprising of a female vocals, a pianist and a double bassist or cellist, playing all the romantic love songs. Or maybe just a acoustic session will do. Then the wedding will prolly be surrounded by trees and the lighting would be very soft and dim with guests buzzing and the beautifully decorated lights on the trees and mozzies... hehehe.
I tot the closest I could get to that was Fort Canning.

But I guess all that has to be pushed aside for we dun have enuff finances on the roll. I have to just make do with what I have. But I still want a garden theme. A live band and soft and dim lights. But my poor frens have to travel all the way to the corner of S'pore... Near the gardens, not exactly in the gardens but near the Japanese and Chinese Gardens..... Ah well, it's still a garden......

Sigh. I'm such a dreamer.

2008-08-24T10:57:00.002+08:00

Another birthday post. I fell asleep while waiting.... And I felt so sore. I guess my last birthday as a single girl didn't turn out what I wanted it to be. I should've gone out and party hard and rocked the world. But instead, I sat my ass at home and fell asleep. I can't believe why I'm doing this to myself.

It sucks to know that I relied too much on one person to make my world. I should've just plan out on my own and make myself happy. As a perfectionist that I'm supposed to be. If I had planned my own birthday it wd turn out great. Like my previous chalets... Sigh... I will not get to do it anymore. Next year, I will celebrate as a wife. So last yr's was actually my last as a single person.

Let's see if the rest of the day is gonna turn out shitty.

2008-08-24T00:38:00.003+08:00

Happy birthday to meeeeee, happy birthday to meeeeeeeee, happy birthday dear Epy... happy birthday to me.......

Its my birthday. But I'm all alone at home while Jo goes out to JB. He msged me happy birthday, but didn't personally call to wish so. Aaaargh, signs of complacency!!!!

But I can't whine as much... Jo spent the day with my family to the Singapore Flyer! His first encounter as the fiance and spending time with my family isn't an easy feat.My family loves to walk... and we walk damn fast. He walked and toiled the rain.. Jo thinks my mom very rugged, walked in the rain without complains at all. Yeah, that's where I got my rugged genes...

I know I should applaud him n give him the credits he deserves, but right now, I'm just sore....

It's my birthday and I cry if I want to, Cry if I want to, Cry if I want to..... You will cry roo if it happens to you!

This

2008-08-21T21:12:00.002+08:00

This could have been better,
For I had used a cap to protect my head.
But instead I let my heart open
So they ripped and tear it apart.

This the game they used to play,
Hide your feelings, let it go astray.
Who could fulfill the prophecy of life
If you could walk through it someday.

This could have been brought to shore,
If I hadn'e drifted too far away,
But it seems nothing could bring me back
To where I dream to stay.

This is the story of the life
A life so cool that it breaks the heart
A lesson too evil to swallow in spit
A day so great we will never remember.

Test Your Awareness

2008-07-31T21:43:00.003+08:00

Check this out. Hilarious.

2008-07-27T07:45:00.002+08:00

Hmmm.... Let's see what my objective of this blog is....

Oh.

Yaaaaaaahhhoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..............................

Ok. That's it.

260708

2008-07-21T23:45:00.004+08:00

Updates updates....

Been real busy with Sch's Open House and my cuzzie just got married... Congrats to her!

Week's really tough, but I'm hangin on. I really hope things are gonna get better. Wait a minute, this week's gonna be shitty too. Sigh.

2008-07-04T23:30:00.002+08:00

I'm so exhausted.

This is what I get 2 years, 3 months and 29 days later. Weary, irritable, impatient, defenseless and worn out. I'm too lazy to do anything.

2008-07-01T23:13:00.002+08:00

Everytime I step into home after a long day at work, I will recoil myself in my depressive mode in the corner of my bed. I would lay still for at least 15 minutes, doing absolutely nothing but thinking and wondering why I have reached that state of unrelenting position. Then, I would think about my next step in life, and would ponder about everything in case something goes wrong. I would think of alternative ways to let out my angst and dejection.

I know I should not expect perfection in every plan and execution. But sometimes I feel that the tests are far too great for a body like mine to handle. As I stay in my coiled position in the corner of my bed, I started to think about all the iniquity I had consummate all the years passed. I dunno what retribution is, but I guess this is prolly it.

It sucks to know that I am going somewhere but nowhere concrete enough to assure myself. I feel downcasted every time I reach the mobile and dial the numbers. Last night, I was prolly the saddest person on earth at that moment when the news was released to me. Why did I bring this on myself? I should not intervene with fate, time and emotional statures. But I tried to take everything in my hands, hoping that things would turn out my way better. I just cannot take the backseat, but instead, succumbed to my itchy ass to interfere with things that have prolly been written.

I should stay outta these kinda conversations. They are my worst enemies. I really need help. Could anyone introduce me to a mental doctor?

2008-06-27T23:11:00.003+08:00

Finally! A blogpage I can call my own....

After gruelling attempts to make it personal, I have finally done it... My bro's right, once you get the hang of HTML, it's quite ok. So here it is... Of course, there are rooms for improvements, but this will suffice for now.*wipes away perspiration*

First week done. I almost forgot what it was like having a hectic life. So exhausting. I still haven't picked up my stamina yet. Now that with confirmation, I suddenly feel burdened with so much more responsibilities coming my way... And the week just proved it. Yikes...

I wish I could ramble on the stuffs going on in my workplace, but there is so much that I would be better off writing an autobiography. Speaking of which, Dearie suggested to me to maybe start writing. I was so inspired by Frank McCourt at one time, that I thought I could put my life into paper one day. But considering the amount of time left on my hands, I dunno if it's even possible. Some writers and authors take years to finish up a book... So mine would prolly be like what... 10 years? Oh well. But that doesn't mean I'm not gonna do it. I mean, who knows? I might write a book one day. Get my autograph now.... Hahah.

Well, that would be on my list of things to accomplish in my life.

I'm going to attend a friend's parents anniversary dinner tomorrow. How weird is that? I never thought I would be invited for such occasions. Hmmm... Will update later about it.

2008-06-12T03:09:00.002+08:00

My lil bro, Khairi just reminded me of how surreal it was when my Grandpa was around. As a lil girl, I was just my Grandparents' brat. My mom n dad worked during the day so basically my Grandpa or we called him Yaii (Grandpa in Javanese) and Granny took care of me and my bro, Khalil went we were cute lil kids. I was his first Grand-daughter.

Every morning, after subuh, Yaii would go down for a morning walk around the neighbourhood, by himself, and came back with breakfast for us. Yaii never failed to bring back home Tau-Hway (Beancurd with syrup) and hot soyabean milk for both of us. I remembered when we woke up, Granny will shower us and we will wait in anticipation at the steel gates for Yaii to come back. In the afternoon, despite the fact that our parents disallowed us to play at the playground, we will beg Yaii to bring us down. And he held our tiny hands, one left and the other, right and brought us down for us to have a whale of time.

Yaii would take us to the neighbourhood mamak store, where he will stop and chat with his good friend who is mending the stall, and he bought us Yakult to make sure we were preoccupied. I remembered how panicked he became when he lost my lil bro at the coffeeshop. He put me in the corner of the coffeeshop under the watchful eyes of the neighbours and went to search for him. Yeah, he bought me Yakult to keep me occupied.

He would tell us stories of the Communism. At that time, I was a lil girl and what we could decipher was that Communist were 'Bad Soldiers'. So when we played our mini M-16s, one of us will be 'Soldier' and the other 'Communist'. It was a duel of Good vs Evil.

My Grandpa had a lump on his toe. It was round-shaped and as he was kinda dark-skinned, he called it chocolate. He would joked on whether we wanted chocolate and then, grinningly pointed to his toe. And we fell for it everytime.

He religiously watched Japan Hour everyday at 7pm then.

He bought me my first ever Barbie doll. I remembered he wanted to surprise me on my birthday and wouldn't tell me what it was. Me, being a brat, demanded to see it, and took a peek in his drawer... and couldn't keep my delight! I jumped up and down like a monkey, knowing that I have a Barbie doll, just like my classmates were boasting about! It was a sporty looking Barbie doll, with yellow overalls and sports shoe. I decided that my Barbie doll should have short hair just like me so... SNIP! Off went the poor Barbie's hair. My mom was so angry that she told my Yaii not to buy anything for me ever again. But he still did after that....

When he went away, I cried... no I bawled like a baby. I was 10. I couldn't believe that he was gone. I couldn't hug him for the last time. I couldn't visit his grave as he died peacefully at Makkah. I couldn't believe the fact that he is no longer is in my life. For the next few months, everytime I went to his bedroom, I will hug his pillow and cry. Devastated. My Granny will hug me and tell me it was okay. He was the one man who loved me and more importantly, I love him.

Every time someone mentioned about my Grandpa, I would cry. It took me 8 years to swallow the fact and digest it in my system. Sometimes, I felt that it was a good thing he did not live to see his beloved Grand-daughter disappointed him in life.

I'm tearing right now as I typed this entry.

2008-06-11T01:42:00.004+08:00

EURO 2008.

The event that kept me wide awake at night. Gives me a reason to wake up later than usual and sleep in the day like a pig too. At least I wun be rambling about how bored I am at night. June hols are coming to an end, wonder if I could keep this up till end of the season. I better do. I subscribed to his wretched Channel 30 for a season pass and it costs me $10.70. Dang.

Some highlights....

Most BORING match: France vs Croatia.
Everyone expected France to pull this. Not only this match ended up goal-less, but there was not enough excitement. This is the first match I fell asleep halfway, woke up and saw the 0-0 on lefthand corner of the screen, dozed off, then, woke up, still seeing the players somewhere in the midfield, playing 'monkey in the middle' with each other... zzzzzz. Anw, Henry wasn't playing.

Most SURPRISING match: Netherlands vs Italy.
Yup, Netherlands whacked once champions and giants Italy. 3-0. Whoa. Who would've expect that? I didn't. Honestly, with alot of Dutch players injured, eg van Persie, I thought it would be the Italians' game. I mean, the Italians have Del Piero and Materrazzi. Van Baston is one happy dude for his last competition.

Most EXCITING match: Spain vs Russia.
Yeah! I'm a supporter of Spain since last Euro and the World Cup. So naturally, I was rooting for them. Russia got England out of Euro during the qualifiers, so I thought it will be really exciting. Russia gave Spain a hell of a time. Guess they were just unlucky. This game kept me at the edge of my seat. Spain's speedy counter-attacks were phenominal! David Villa's first hat-trick in an International game and Fabregas' first Internatonal goal! 4-1! Darling rooted for Russia (he likes to root for the underdogs - last Euro was Greece and Greece won it), so I kinda got f at by him during 2nd half (now he hated the Spaniards). Guess he wun be speaking to me for a while. Poor me. Ah well, I couldn't hide my elation anw. Serves me right. Hehe.

I'm rooting for Portugal as well. Yeah!

Ok, next match is Sweden and Greece. That's a chance for me to drool all over my fav Calvin Klein underwear model, Ljungberg!!!! Heheh....

New Look... but... no archives link!!!

2008-06-09T16:58:00.000+08:00

Finally, I managed to change my blogpage design....

However, it was a long grueling process... Choosing a suitable skin for my blogpage is like shopping for a good pair of brassiere.

Choose, try it on, comfy...? Nah.. a bit too bright for me. Maybe less on the trims, or big on colours...

Sigh, after 4 freaking hours, I chose and adjust and trim and do the necessary... I was happy!

Untill....

I realised that the bloody template does not have archives! I want the archives... how do I add it in... I was looking high and low to add in the archives on the HTML, but failed miserably... Do you know how to? HELP!!!!

It gets better

2008-06-01T14:13:00.001+08:00

I've gotta say that it's getting better...

At least for the past few days. Honestly, it has been a lil peaceful now. The hols bliss, I guess. Slower paced, although still alot of shit that needs to get cleaned... But I know I can take a lil moretime to do things. I need to get to the beach badly. I am experiencing withdrawal symptoms already. I need to get to a beach. Bintan here I come...

With a fair share of pleasant news from my closest buds, I feel so much more alive. One is expecting a baby, another has tied the knot finally... and we, we have gone one step closer to where we wanted to go. Its a baby step, but it's a marked territory. I have never been so happy for that day, nothing was able to spoil my mood.

Congrats Nun and Hanis... Congrats to me too. Hehe.

Luck and Wonder

2008-05-26T21:01:00.000+08:00

Day 1 of the sch hols past by with me indulging myself over markings, epms and other admin stuffs. Got blamed for something I can't control. I dun understand why am I always stuck in a rut in between two hot heads. What luck.

I really wanted to go to the YOG briefing. However, I got a straight "NO" answer, even before I could say anything. Maybe I should talk to Vp abt it. I dunno, I should go and do what I feel is better for me, or rather more beneficial, than going for the sake of going. Right now, i am going for the sake of going. Sigh. What's my next move gonna be?

It's been a silent day without you. I'm now wondering if you are even missing me. Or wonder if I'm fine, alive or healthy? Where are you? How are you doing?

Hectic

2008-05-20T22:00:00.000+08:00

I really need to take a break... A well deserving one. Can you imagine I had to cancel my Bintan trip because of work. I must be freakin craaazy.

Need to plan what to do next since June hols are approaching. I need time to reflect, clear my super messed up desk, throw away stuffs from last year, it's gonna be a looong ride.

On a better note, last Sat, STL season comes to an end. We ended up as runner-up in our Open Mixed Cat. COngrats PSRC!!!

Now, back to work... Need to get my portfolio done....

No Bintan

2008-05-09T23:49:00.000+08:00

After all that I go through, after all the effort trying to make things work...

I'm not going Bintan.

Yeah, the long anticipated holiday that I have been looking forward to. So much. I wanted to even cry when I got to know of the last minute arrangement. What todo, by now I should know that in where I am right now, I should always be prepared for last minute changes and adhoc stuffs.

Bring me away
I can't stand to stay
Please bring me away
Anywhere but here

My apologies to my Northlanders. I am so sorry to pull out on you guys at the last minute. Slavery calls. And it's truly not my fault as I can't control situations as long as I am here.

Excuse me, where are your manners?

2008-05-06T12:11:00.000+08:00

I am astounded today.

Some people simply have no manners. I wouldn't say the lack of. I'd say that it is up to the nill level.

Here I am waiting patiently outside the class, a single glance, and then ignored. Nope, no nods, no smile.

Whoa... I am invisible. 10 minutes past. Should I treat her the same way and just come in without knocking and take over? Nah, wouldn't stoop low to that level.

I just realised that having your Masters make you so high up there that you forgot your simple manners of scknowledgement. Gee.

Untouchable too I guess.

I was wondering what kinda pupils will you be nurturing when you as an educator and role model lack simple gestures to show manners. Stuck up ass.

What's up

2008-04-20T13:46:00.000+08:00

Just recovered from post-Contender's blues. Tomorrow will be a day, a truly hectic day. Investiture, followed by Observation, then a whole day of non-stop, no-break... Then Remedial, then night classes... My Mondays are never the same again.

I can't wait for the hols. It's week 6! Yahoooo.... 4 more weeks to go! Then I can rot myself. I'm looking at the nearer picture... There's Labour Day next Thursday, and also we are gonna indulge ourselves in the lifestyle of the rich and famous in Bintan in week 9! That's what I'm talkin about! Can't wait, can't wait(skipping up and down the room)...

I watched Talking Cock the Movie, including the bonus and special editions, including Jo's audition for the interview. I realised that the rest of the goons cept for Leo and Randall got into the movie without auditions and it was because of Jo. I saw his loony auditions. I like what he used to be. Wear sarong in public. He would rather kill himself then to wear sarong in public now. Mellowed, perhaps? Or maybe I made him turn out to be such a boring character he is today. What a negative influence I have on him... So depressing.

I have become a pessimist. I am just looking of ways to escape everything. Sigh. Loser.

My Contender

2008-04-16T23:30:00.001+08:00

My favourite Muaythai fighters..... Sean Wright and Dzabar Askerov....

Pregnant Man

2008-04-09T16:23:00.000+08:00

I am sick. Caught a temperature last night and I was feeling soooooo weak. Every muscle (and fats) in my body aches. It's like I've been punched several times in my tummy. My throat burns everytime I swallow my saliva.... It's been quite some time I got the FEVER.

Recently, Thomas Beatie, the pregnant man caught my attention. Yeah you heard me right, PREGNANT MAN. I searched for his interview with Oprah on youtube and indulged myself on the story. Initially, I was sick and disgusted plus horrified, but when I learnt that he (Thomas) was a woman before he underwent sex operation to become a man... The pieces fit together. Watching the interview, I keep having to tell myself that he used to be a woman, coz if he is a real man from birth, he certainly have alot of "womanly traits" in him.

I dunno how the world would react to this. Of course, there are sects of people who shunned and slam him down, even the transexual community. In one of the interviews, I remembered one particular person refer to his baby in his womb, a "monster". I can't recall whether it is random or his own father. By the way, Thomas Beatie's pan-Asian. Half-half. So is his sexuality now.
LOL.

Confused? Watch this vid.

Warning, only if you are open enough to bisexual affinity. Otherwise, YOU WILL be sick.

MARATHON

2008-04-06T11:36:00.000+08:00

After the weeks saga of over-protective parents, office pricks and bossy bosses, I still have to deal with my own personal strain. I have been swept with different kinds of overwhelming emotions, and God help me, I feel like sometimes I'm not cut for this shit.

I love to see the kids in the eyes and tell them how well they have done or bring them to realise that you cannot be doing this as it will hurt other people. But adults? It'll take them eon years and I dun think it will do anyone much justice. The first time in my life, I dreaded waking up in the morning for a brand new day. I have become so pessimistic. I hated walking through the 'Gates of Hell', knowing that whatever I do, there will be a satan lurking behind me and trying to stab me with their blunt pitchforks. It's a scary experience.

So what does it do for me? Personally, I am trying to make myself feel better. I try to be mentally strong and not let emotions get in the way. My motto for the year will be:

I'M JUST RUNNING A MARATHON.

Endurance. Mental endurance more than anything physical.

Rat Year

2008-02-27T22:09:00.000+08:00

A colleague told me of how the year of the rat is a bad year for the Roosters like me. Bad Fengshui... Kinda figured.

This is one hell of a year for me. I dunno if things will take a turn on the tide, but I really prayed that it will.... Else I'll go bonkers soon.

Confrontational

2008-01-12T09:44:00.000+08:00

This must be DA week....

So many shit things happen in the week. I reckoned it's not exactly what I would wish for the start of a new year.....

I went home almost 6.30 everyday... So many admin stuffs. Even the newbies were overwhelmed by the amt of work we are having rite now.

A parent aggressively complained about her daughter, the new filipino girl in my class, abt being bulied. I was shocked to hear of such. She insisted on meeting up with the parent of the other girl and settle it face to face. I was trying to calm her dowm but she got even more aggressive and wanted to come down to school to show my p and I, the 'fresh scratched wound'. After discussing with vp, I tot I could talked it out to her again but she insisted to come down to school. So I told vp to call her instead.The worse of all, the girl who bullied her daughter, her parent is a teacher from another school and I met him during pslemarking......

I called up the other girl, hoping to hear her side of the story. She said it was accidental. I told her mom abt what happened and luckily for me, she was quite nice.

The next day, vp confronted both girls and the story got confusing. They said they were only playing... Both girls do not blame each other. In fact they were giggling already. But later after school, the parents came down and kick up a huge fuss again. I can understand their concern and they made me and vp promise to not let anything happened to their daughter again.

I was just amazed how the children could easily forgive and forget, but adults are just plain bitter. Both the girls were seen playing after that.

But my vp considered the case as bullying coz the girl did use abusive language such as 'stupid', 'slow' and so on. So I have to raise a discipline case. Which is stupid. Under the SOPs, I have to send the poor girl to detention and counselling. I talked to the dad causually later in the evening and he said something along the lines of writing a letter to the school explaining her daughter's behavior and apologize. I told him it isnt necessary, but be prepared for some discipline action. That means more paperwork for me.

I still dun see why she shd be going counselling. The girls have both forgiven each other. But the damn shithole just want everything to look nice and proper on paper. To have proper documentation so that when comes to audit, it would not look so bad. It's all abt saving face. That's how adults do it.

The kids just forgive and forget. They will run around together again after saying sorry.

I tripped...

2007-12-24T00:08:00.000+08:00

Came back from our trip. It was awesome... lazy.... relaxing.... I wish I could this year-long... But the harsh realities sets in as we set our foot on the shores of S'pore...

It was warm and breezy there.... But once we reach the harbourfront waters... the skies turned dark. Sigh, welcome back to rainy Island, set in the sea....

I felt that the trip made me feel how much people need each other. How funny we looked in all different directions, to find that the best companion is right in front of you. How we complained about what we want, but we neglect the necessary. Spending time doing nothing is actually healthy... when you relax, you reflect. Personally, I tot about what I wanna do next year. What do I need to change and what should stay? Why do I always get stuck in a rut? Guess I'll leave that to "new year resolution" time.

I saw how people lost and love. It was surreal to know how people were so perfect for each other. Yet how some ironically "change waves"....

My two friends who I knew long enough, they were in love. They were so perfect. Why did it take them all the agony to find each other...? So weird.

Yet one of em, whose relationship was so strong as steel, now shaky and crumbling. I cannot fault him either. But there was still love. Definitely.

I treasured the love I was bestowed upon. I could feel how we bonded like super glue more and more. I wanna keep it that way. As much as I can.

I love him.

Bummer

2007-12-09T23:39:00.000+08:00

Sigh....

Unbeaten for 22 games, Arsenal lost their winning strike today, Sunday, 9 December, to Middlesborough.

Upset.

Last Train Home

2007-12-08T11:48:00.000+08:00

It has been raining, has it not...? What a cool great day.... All my supposed work-out regime got put off due to me being undisciplined... and I blame it solely on the weather... Yawnsss....

Last night, we decided to take the last train home (coz we tot we cd save on cab fare) and surprisingly we witnessed alot of funny/interesting peple in the train....

We saw a group of 'abus' coming in from Orchard, obvious from a metal gig somewhere out there. I saw at least 3 people donning 'Iron Maiden' tees and one of em was a girl. The other girl was wearing The Strokes tee.

I was trying to tie in the relationship between the Strokes and Iron Maiden and then I saw it.... SLIPPERS!!! How can u wear slippers to gigs??? Their slippers wear a shade of grey (prolly too much stamping) on em... Ouch. Things you never wear to a gig: slippers. SLippers are for the beach, you idiots! OR prolly strolling along the Heartlands.. Maybe you can go slack when shopping with slippers... but to a gig??? Imagine being stamped constantly on the mosh pit. Dun your feet hurt?

I feel ouchy for em.

And then another group came in. They were also donning the black metal wear with eyeliners n stuffs... But they sat down and sang old Malay songs! I'm talking Malay Jiwang-Retak songs mostly from the 90s. Like from Spoon (the guy's dead, give him a break!), Scoin or whateva. Luckily, my MP3 player has always been my weapon to block out the unsightly and the un-hearables....

I thought I should take the train more often now. Interesting sights. Especially that 'tis the holiday season..... The Kids are Out and Running!!!!

2007-12-01T23:59:00.000+08:00

I must apologise for the extremely loads of French I used in the previous blog. What can I say... I get foul-mouth when I get angry or frustrated. Just thank God you are not at the other end receiving it... :-)

Pain in the Asses

2007-12-01T23:26:00.000+08:00

I wanna ramble abt people in the office but I figured I better give myself a break... I wun be seeing them much anyway... It's time for HOLS!!!!

BUT... People keep paining meeee......

Pain-in-the-Asses I

Why can't you both tell me straight to my face? I have to find out the hard way. You asses bite me on my back, I see. And the worse part is... you joined forces with the ex? I can't believe you actually have to keep mum and hope I dun find out.

Yes, my friends aka ex-bandmates (ex now) joined forces with the ex. The bitch ex. I dun mind if you do it with some other bitches but NOT the EX please.... And you dun have basic courtesy to tell me? Or even Jo? Ungrateful bastards. Why in the world was I even in the band... I feel terribly cheated out of my wits.

Was it redundant to you? So me and Jo are just disregarded, trashed away and not a single sound about you both collaborating with her and the bitch. I was affected that you guys did not reflect and think about consequences. And feelings involved. And how it might affect relationships.

After my reflection, you are not my friends, just basic acquaintances I found while making music.

You know what dun kill you will only make you stronger. I believe in music as a respiratory system for me, to fill the void. Not playing gigs. Not for the sake of having a band. I'm telling you guys both, you can fuck yourselves with the Bitches' Diary.

Pain-in-the-Ass part 2

I was planning a surprise birthday gathering for me and K. But some people just have to muddle up shits. We were supposedly going to meet Hafiz at Night Safari and surprise them, just among ourselves, friends, just like good old days, but I guess some people just have to spoil all the plans. Now they are planning a surprise birthday party for her somewhere else, East Coast Parkshit, with the cousins and shitheads.

I was tearing as Hafiz spoke to me about it. My plans for the surprise became their surprise. And they will have the credits. And poor Alf. No one knows abt the former plan she was gonna have. So everything got cancelled.

I remembered last 2 years or so, how I argued with her mum just because I wanted to give her a surprise, and she said I stole her daughter away from her. What a freak. I'm staying away from that nonsensical accusations this year. You can have her all you want. Watch out, I might steal her.. Wahhhahahah (evil laugh).

i tot it would be nice to gather again just like how it used to be. I forgot. This is never what it used to be....

Icon

2007-11-23T23:39:00.000+08:00

I haven't been rambling for a looong time....

So I'm getting everything off my painful chest.. Wahhaha... Sounds like I got chronic cardiac problems.

There are 2 people who seemed to be gettin on my nerves ever so often and I dunno why. I should ROAR out loud. Afterall, I used to be the Lion King. Hahaa.

Attempted Climber 1
The Maid was out to test me. First of all, when I urgently wanted to make an announcement, she snapped at me and said, "No more announcements!" WTF! So you have PMS and decided to let it out on me? As a result, I have to headhunt my kids and I couldn't get through some of em. End result. Messy.

Prize giving day. She was COMMANDING. Yes, command. It was apparent how unprepared and messy the whole thing is. She expected perfection when in the first place,she isn't exactly showing an example. She got 'kan chiong' when things dun go as planned. And when we gave input on the seating arrangement, she gave that look of disapproval.

Come actual day. My gosh, she was shouting at the kids! I mean, it's their day when they get their glory and you are suppose to recognise their achievements... Ah well. THEN, came the last minute shit. She hurried me and BL with a list of names..

"Quick, quick, set up a booth!" I was like - wat booth?
She told me and BL to sell pics/dvds to the parents!!! It was NOT written on the itenary or the list of duties! Wassup with all the last minute shits!!!! I was pissed that I wish I could piss on her face! Maybe it wasn't her idea... But why throw the shit jobs to me! Just because I'm a BT!!!

Then came P1 orientation. She came into my registration booth and start meddling with our affairs. We planned to collect money when the parents are seated in their seats while the fill in the forms, coz it'll be more systematic that way... But no... she insisted we collect the money before the parents sit down on their seats. It caused a long queue outside the classroom an it was quite chaotic. On seeing this, she came forward and start collecting the money as well! So There are 2 people collecting and it caused alot of confusion among the parents who came forward to me and wanted to pay again... At the end of the day, there was an extra $10. And we dunno where it came from... Thanks to that maid. Messy.

I have lots to say.... But I dun have the time. So in the next blog will be the attempted climber 2.

Raya-ed out

2007-11-09T22:44:00.000+08:00

I think this year has been swell.

Went out with Jo's JSSians and it was fab... Especially with Taufik Batisah in a cameo appearance. I didn't know he was so tall... Waaahhh...

But the best part of it was my sec skoolmates... We were THERE! We actually took time off to pose in front of our alma mater... At night and we were creating quite a din! I thought it was an awesome day. With Arf and Nana giving a tour of their home, racing cars on the roads like as if we were on go-carts, watching scary movies at nightfall, Azmi giving Joyo a fright of his life (he literally jumped on Ija)...

Talking about scary movies... We watched "Wujud". For those who know nuts abt its existence (wat irony), it's about of group of paranormal investigators going around S'pore to capture sightings... no not alien of sorts, but ghosts, all around S'pore. It's this amateur video where they were armed with only video cameras and bad lighting... and it was a major rip-off. We were scrutinising the video and figured that they have spoofed the whole shit up. WTH?? After so much hoo-haa, it was just a cheap scam! PLUS, the vid was full of English and even MALAY grammatical errors!!!! Some major spelling errors eg "life footage"... shouldn't it be "LIVE footage"? Someone please, edit the whole vid first before distributing it in the market... so embarrassing... Can you imagine a Malaysian-scholar-who-picked-up-the-video's shock and horror on the language used??? Tho I dun see why a Malaysian scholar would wanna pick up a crap video like this, but yeah, damn it, it's MALAY... Can't you even do MALAY...? I bet I can. So you can imagine the other parts of the English. Nuff said.

I mean, it's not because I'm a freakin educator. But it's just how we should potray ourselves in the local market. We are supposed to have the "educated population", aren't we? Well, not how the crap vid displays us.

Ian's mystery thingy with the ustaz was much scary, tho we see nothing much, but we feel the genuinity. Even the Indon movie, which we watched at Hairi's and Sahinah's, (Suster Ngesot) was much much more scary. Tell the truth, I was freaked out that night and I couldn't exactly hit the sack at ease.

Anw I'm sniffing school hols now..... Yeaaaayy!!! Jealous? Dun be.

I'll update my multiply album real soon... Wait up.

2007-11-04T09:17:00.000+08:00

It's a Sunday morning. After a dose of polaramine, I feel quite light-headed... For the last few days, I've had fever, cold and occasional coughs. Not right as rain yet, hopefully soon enough so I can head down to the pool for a few laps and out cruising my neighbourhood with my legs....

Last sat, my cuz got married. Finally. While sitting my ass ard, one of the aunties who I've never seen before directed me to give out bunga telur, together with the rest of the kids... I dunno whether to be insulted or to take it complimentary. My mum had to explain that I'm shy. Then I realised she was my cuz's fiance's mother (what the fuck was she doing there, beats me). And someone told her that I am older than the bride and that I'm the eldest cousin among all. After that, she started talking to me like an adult, when initially she was hurling directive words at me. I take it that she thought I was a teenager, and that I looked young... There, makes me feel better.

The rest of the wedding was boring... Coz most of the time, me n my other cuz just sit and stare. I can't believe I just wasted a day... It was so hypocritical, I wonder why was I there in the first place. I hate my cuz's haughty mom (no I shall not acknowledge her my aunt) , and her new husband who thought he knew everything abt me even without me myself knowing it... Oh, it's such a long history...

Talking about weddings, I am in a frightful hot seat. I wanted to take initiatives and start planning things for my own, but I was chided before on how I take control of things without asking opinions. But I'm the organisational type, I take my own initiative to plan. And I carry things out need things be. But now, I have to take a backseat, as I painfully watch how things are never gonna be done.

I know I should not take control of things and be dominating. I should allow him some room to decide and direct. But I wonder if he even thought of it at all, unless I started probing. And I dun wanna be the desperate nag. I hate it. It's November already and according to plan, it should be December. But isn't it too late now? With nothing on hand?

I tried to plan holiday, but he thinks I'm giving him a time limit... I thought by doing that, it will speed things up and make things more efficient. Nope, it crashed down on me. So now I have to painfully take a backseat and watch..............

Maybe next year... Maybe not.....

2007-10-07T23:38:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since Hectic with a capital "H" ruled by life... I feel that I'm smothered by so much work commitments. There are times when I wish time would stand still, lemme gaze around for awhile and prolly dream of Maldives... I dream too much.

I realise how much in time I have wasted and creating avenues to spruse up my life seems to be futile.

And GOODBYE BLOODY MTS!!! No more!
I guess it's the best for me. So much pride and principle they have trod on, I can't be living in hypocrisy all the time. I hate the fact that they are armourly saying they are "helping the community", but God knows what other plans they have. How they trod on religion, racial entity etc etc. Might as well not work for a Malay/Muslim organisation who claims to be "helping" but in real fact, they are just on the surface, touching slightly and not really making a goddamn difference. My tide with them may have subsided but I feel with all the negativities my HT said of me despite how sincere I was, gotta have knocked out the socks outta them.

"Siti, why are you always late? You're making the class wait for you...."

"It's not even 9. Classes start at 9."

"But you know they will cut your honorarium....."

"So it's not the class waiting for me then."

"You know I can write a report on your persistent late coming?"

Mumbling. "Yeah, figured."

"Sorry?"

"Gotta go, my class is waiting..."

Ever since then, I swear she hates me. She keeps coming to my class to pick on my pupils. She shouted at my pupils for not wearing proper attire to MTS. She said I was lenient for not addressing. So what? Is it important that they come to class attired in whatever is deemed proper? Its a good thing they even turn up for classes. I mean, the kids are putting effort to wake up early, on a Saturday morning, and you expect them to be properly attired like they would for school? I understand the need to conform, but shdn't you be flexible? What if they have no uniform to wear?

"Then no need to come la, Cher..."

And the people up there do not support my cause. They think conforming is more important then getting the kids to come to class. Personally, it's not what the kids wear. It's what they learn at the end of the day. Believe me, my kids aren't bogus. They know what's going on. At the end of the day, they learn how bogus the whole organisation is. How I sought to argue every other time when I disagree. Not a bad lesson,eh?

Screw the honorarium. The fatigue and the shits are too heavy. I'd rather go without it. Then having an overweight beast breathing down my neck and a lack-of-hair hobbit who skips along with her.

I'll find some other organisations who seek people to sincerely go out to lend a helping hand to kids.... At least I would go home tired but satisfied.

Making the Band....

2007-09-10T22:19:00.000+08:00

I missed days when I used to go to Sembawang LKS to jam with my Ojaif buddies... Where are they? They seem to have disappeared... The main Ojaif-er has left the building, or jump off, I dunno and the Drummy had followed suit. The only band that has exposed me to what I truly love... Music. Even before Post-Mortem.

Then there was March the First. It was ok. Still making music. But it disappeared with the emergence of Dos Accidente. We played ONE countdown gig. And that's it. Then we played for a wedding. And now....

Me and my gf owned Syrens. We used to be 3.Then down to 2. That's where I get to write my own songs and play what we girls love. Trashy pop and alternative which we call our own. But convenience got the better of me. It's just me. And now silent....

I wanna still rock on. But no more avenue. As I strum my Santana, I filled my eyes with tears... Memories of songs I used to jam and performed.... Oasis, Lemonheads, sappy Indon love songs we created... And old songs like Cranberries, Jewel... Argh.

"I know a place where I can go.... When I'm alone. Into your arms I go, into your arms, I could go...."

"And she swears there's nothing wrong... I hear her play the same old song..."

"Here I am, once again, I'm torn into pieces... Can't deny it, can't pretend, just thought you were the one..."

"And I really wanna noe, my baby... And I really wanna say I can't defy..."

"Please dun make me cry, please dun make me cry, I'm just like you I know you know, I 'm just like you so leave me alone"

Excerpts of songs in my head...crooning....

So who will save my soul? I just wanna rock.....

2007-09-07T16:42:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, we are often confronted with alot of un-expectations in this wretched day to day trodding. We meet new people, trusted more people, lose friends and acquaintances became closer and so on. Things come and go just like the tide. It's such a shame to know that nothing last forever. Yet, we have to swallow this like a jagged pill.

In these past few weeks and months, alot of events lead to surprising outcomes, some pleasant, others horrendous. Have you ever thought that you would soon be sinking in your own sweat? I didn't. But it DID happen. I shudder to think what lies ahead of me. So what next?

I wasted a whole day, not knowing if the day has brought about fruits or bear just greens. I was supposed to meet up with people who I find comfort, people who have been through the worst of times with me, in love and war. But it didn't turn out to be. But I met up with an old bud. Who haven't comforted me in ages. Who chooses to lead his life like a nomad, alone. He told me that why have alot of friends, when at the end of the day, you only come back to the ame ones. Of course your freinds will turn to be acquaintances, who only come to you should they need help. Yup. We are all guilty of it. Don't deny it. We all do it, subconsciously or not.

Then I realise that once upon a time, I had such great buddies. I lost them due to my ignorance. Or petty.

I still dun understand how not turning up when my friends are trying to celebrate my birthday can become such a sin. I soon realise that I am playing with time. I dun have enough, time is beating me to a pulp, and yet I still play with it. I can't indulge myself in doing work and expect time to wait for me. Time is really a cruelty yet time is the only factor we have for now.

I also came to sense on how birthdays remind you of how much achievements you do in life. Now how do you measure that? Where do I start? What is the mileage? I dun even know how to begin.

It's over. I'll just have to learn how to live on my own. Like how it's supposed to be. Learn to. There are times when my mouth itches to tell someone exciting stories about my life... Then I realise I have... No one.

Again, time is the biggest culprit. I dun stay up late anymore, I can't afford to. Some people can do it coz time isn't a factor. Time moves slowly, but for me, I hardly have time to say hello to my toes anymore. You can sleep your day away, but if I do, I'm in deep shit. I don't even have the stamina to stay past 1am.... My eyes will surender and all I can see is a black screen... Oooops, next stop, Dreamland.

I must admitall I do is whine and complain and as I am typing this blog, Time is laughing hillariously at me... WASTER!!! You just did it! A round of applause!

I better stop my ramblings for now. Phew.

Fireworks and Crowds

2007-08-10T13:32:00.001+08:00

I need to know why I made the decision to come to school n a schoo holiday just to do my lesson plans. I must be made model teacher of theyear. I came to school on a school holiday. Only the OSOs and Florence is around. None of the teachers are in school. No one. Not even P or VP. Not even the 'super-onz' of the school. I was bored today I guess. Jo's working anyway. And I have a weekly LP and an Obs LP to do. If I stay at home, I can safely bet with anyone in the world, I'll never get things done.

Ad after having lunch all alone in my 'office space', I went around the internet, typingout this blog. No, I haven't gotten anything started at all... Wahaha.

National Day hols... I waied for the fireworks on the eve but the fireworks never came. According to Ijah and Joyo, oh, they have it every year. Anyway, I can never understand why ayone can be fascinated with fireworks... Actually, I dun really get excited or anything of sorts if there are fireworks. Cept for the memories when I went out dating with Jo... we watched fireworks at the Esplanade. We were not 'officially together' yet. But it was sweet... That's about all the feworks memory I could think of..

As if sulking from the fireworks hoo-haa, we went Holland V last night. Out aim was to get away from the crowd as much as possible. Me and Jo, with Fiz and Shimmy went to chill out, with intention of eating ice-cream and prolly, perhaps, chill out at wala wala. But we didnt made it to walal-wala though.

On our way there, we realised that people (esp youths and kiddies) are flocking o the Esplanade to watch the fireworks. Thank God we didnt go there! It must've been India there!

Speaking of India, of all days, last Sunday, we went to LITTLE INDIA. No kidding, Little India lived up to the overpopulated India, the continent. The nationals were hanging around Mustafa,no, not shoppping, but basically standing ard to catch up with friends and stuffs. They gather in front of the entrances... My God, I was spinning already. Too many people!! How can they survive??!! I remembered clubbing days... I was put off if there was too many people in the club. I'd move out to another club or prolly go home early. No, crowds are not my thing...

Ok, back to work. Enough of babblings.....

Fatigue

2007-08-04T23:57:00.000+08:00

Week 6. On Friday I just witnessed my kid throwing a chair on another kid. There was some hurling of vulgarities and yeah, I had to come and stop it, he retaliated. I have never been at the edge of hitting someone across the face as near as that. I was shivering in anger. I grabbed his shirt and tugged it so hard that the button on his shirt tore.. He was going out of hand. I told him to cool himself down while I do the same but he went after the guy who he hit with a chair. I was so mad I ran after him and pull him by the collar. Luckily Wong KK was around and KK helped me take him and cool him down while I brought the rest of my class for my PE lesson.

Later, we had a one-on-one talk. I wonder if what I say actually goes through his thick skull. If not, I guess I have to apply other ways...

Apart from discipline shits, I figured that I have lots to do.... Markings will never be done. I keep having to pile on when I already clear some. It'll never quite end.

Masy got engaged today and I anticipated everyone asking when my marriage would be. I have already prepared a template in my head, so as and when they wanna ask, its all figured out. Well done, Alfiah. So professional! Wahaha...

After which, I head down for buffet dinner with Jo's family. Buffet wasn't fantastic. But ok. Well, at least I gotta chat with Jo's mummy. I still feel intimidated. I kinda shy away or become overly conscious on saying something, so much so that by the time I wanna say something, the topic changed already. Unlike talking to his sister. It was smootha and fine. I gotta get this thing outta my head. Be natural, Fiah. Why are you becoming not yourself? I dunno. Its just the nerve.

I'm feeling the backache now... Tired. Sleepy.

But hey! Its a 2 day work-week for me next week!!!! Yeay! Happy Birthday Spore! You gave me a long weekend to rest. LOL.

Hardship

2007-07-18T00:32:00.000+08:00

I dunno hardship? I was never born with a silver spoon, people. Never did. Up till today, almost 26 years of my life on earth, my dad has never earned more than 3k per month. We NEVER had a family car, NEVER before. Most of our family outings are via public transportation.

My mom n dad got married when they were still at the brink of their youth, my mom was 19 and my dad was 21. My mom got pregnant and gave birth to me when she was going to be 22. My dad was just a lance corporal with the police force. With A levels, my dad was considered quite educated back then. I remembered my dad buying my mo her first ever Seiko when he got promoted to corporal. And she still put it on her wrist whenever she goes out with my dad UP till TODAY. K gave my parents , "The Most Romantic Couple Alive" title. Yeah, to a certain extent, I do find them quite a mush.

My mom stopped working when me and my bro start primary school. So can you imagine my dad, with only so much, fending for our household, my mom's needs, his childrens' needs and so on? But Alhamdulillah, we never got luxuriously great but we had everything.

We had love, and important factor of any family. My dad emphasize so much on religion when we were young, drilled us all the doa' s and prayers, and I am grateful today for that. I remebered I could not afford to buy my spike shoes for my competition, and my dad said to me,"Run with what you have, your pair of legs". As a child, I was bitter as my dad promised me a bicycle if I do well for my exams. Which I did, but at that time, we were facing some difficulties... I was too young to understand why my dad did not buy me the bicycle.

My dad could not go for further studies as he sets his priorities in providing for the family. He got stuck in the force with staff seargent rank for the longest time....

My dad quit the force to work with PSA. While doing that, he was also a relief taxi driver.... All that so that we can move to Woodlands, a bigger house so that my two younger siblings can have room. My dad sold our Yishun flat, did renovations in our Woodlands flat DIY so that he could have more money to save. Mom and Dad wanted to go Mecca, on a pligrimage for us Muslims. And they did.

Mom and Dad went to the holy land not once but for my mom, three times (2 on umrah), and my dad more than thrice. All sponsored trip. Alhamdulillah. My dad's ustaz wanted him to lead in Hajj and Umrah prayers for the other jema'ahs, hence he was given that opportunity to do so. Alhamdulillah.

Life was never a land of Gold for us. We have just enough. Yet we never fell into hunger and poverty. Thank God. Today, we have what we have, not too much, not too little. Average.

It is up to Him to bless you with the comfort of life. We worked hard, toiled through dirt and swet and at the end of the day, we are comfy. Rather than toiling but still never accomplished.

My mom is still a full-time housewife today,and doing what she loves best, sewing.

My dad works as a Security Officer at Aetos. And Alhamdulillah, we are still comfy, if not a lil better than we used to be. Barakah and Rezeki for us from Him.

There' s so much hardship can do to you. Seek help from Him. Be humble. Insya-Allah, life would be a lil better than we all think.

Busy Busy Bee... (TIC/Jas&Dro's Wedding)

2007-07-17T21:37:00.000+08:00

I wanted to write so much and I have so much blogging moments already forgotten... Sigh. Work has taken its toll on me... I'm ALWAYS tired when I reach home. One whole day doing up projects, LPs and stuffs made me very very lazy to switch on my lappie when I reach home. I have resigned to the corner of my bed, almost paralysed, everytime I reach home.

On the 12th, we had our Investiture @ NTU. I was close to tears when none of my love-ones made it to my ceremony. While others scrambled out of the auditorium to look for their family members/bfs/gfs/spouses, I was lost. I was the only one queueing up for the buffet, taking my share of food and stood there quietly, so forlorn and depressed. Luckily, some of my friends who dun have anyone-coming-to-lay-their-warmest-hugs-to found me. So we took pictures. Later the whole gang appeared and we were crazed by our photo-taking frenzy.

Dippers!!!!!

Well, at least I had fun. Me and Eric made our way home straight after that....

Anway, 14th of July, my band played for Jasmine's Wedding @ Holiday Inn Parkview.....

Congrats, Jasmine and Leandro Soliano... May you be blessed with a fullfilling marriage...

Anyways, head on down to http://elfjajohannus.multiply.com for more excerpts on the wedding....

2007-07-09T19:46:00.000+08:00

It has just been 3 weeks since the start of the term and already feeling the pinch. The pinch of workloads... Heck, its turning to be a real whack on my head. I realised how much I've piled my papers, esp 'markings' and stuffs. I tried to clear, but the more I cleared, the more I piled. Whhaaatt?? This is insane.

After 1.30pm, you'd start doing all the admin stuffs, remedial, answering to parents' endless phone-calls, not forgetting, you have a notice board to display by next week, Alfiah. You haven't done your 'research'... Yikes! Oh and this week, a lengthy workshop to attend. Uh huh, it's compulsory, babe, so you have to sit your ass there whether you like it or not.

Then comes the SGEM. You have to do something in line with this movement. It seems more like a campaign. Sometimes, I am so guilty of speaking so much Singlish. No, make it most of the time. In class, I'd prolly be the most fluent, efficient, eloquent speaker of all, but once I step outside, I turned into a vegetable-market auntie. My English, a mixture of Malay, Hokkien, Mandarin and specks of Tamil... I'd prolly go up to Ain and Laarva and go...

"Eh, how's your day? Tired anot? Sien you know, so damn hot lagi... Teruk, la... I tell you, that Mun-gen in my class ah........."

A typical conversation. Or things like calling up a friend,

"Hey, where are you? What time wanna meet? Not so late ah, I have things to do at home also....."

So much for speaking good English. Heck, its not universally understood, but definitely understood among Singaporeans. I think of it as a self-proclaimed slang. We have our own slang, due to the multi-cultural nation we live in. Rojak, we call it. I mean, how many of us are a pure race? I can't say I am... With my family being a Rojak of Javanese, Chinese, Indian... you can't possibly be communicating in an American accent, or the British accent.

Take the French, for example. One group of people who are proud of their race and heritage. Come on, they have an accent! They have a bloody accent, even when they speak English. The Scottish, they belong to the English World... They have that thick, 'rrrrr' accent as well. Listen carefully to Irish bands like U2, the Cranberries, the Corrs, Westlife... they have an accent too.... So why do we even bother. We are Singaporeans, we have an accent. Our own 'rojak' accent. Its like the Aussies greeting each other in "G'day mates", parallel to our "Woi Mat/Minah/Mun-gen/Thambi".... It's so fake if you meet a close friend of yours and decide to say, "Good morning, dear friend. How are you today?" in perfect, clean English.

I guess spoken English and written English shouldn't be placed equal emphasis. Of course, we all wanna let our kids speak English properly and fluently, but why deprive them of their native tongues? It's the way we are. Let it be. As long as they know how to write fluently, we shouldn't let them twist their native tongues to suit those of the Westerners....

2007-07-01T13:53:00.000+08:00

I wanted to blog about the latest happenings in school, about my busy schedule, about going National Stadium to watch the closing and seated there for the last time, but something bug me even more than what I've been wanting to blog about.

In was tiring, for the past 2 days, staying till late for school and after a hectic jumble sale thingy, I made my way down to Kallang, with my aching legs and lerthargic body, with my sticky skin, sweat from the warmth of the environment.

He called it Global Warming.

Yeah, the weather definitely wasn't kind to us... It has been such a burning sensation. But it didnt help when you feel that suddenly you are actually disillusioned all this while.

I was hungry, tired and wanted a shower, so we agreed. When we reached, all I ever did was complaining and nagging at him on what a short period of time we had and we should have just left. This is me. I nag. I whine. I complained. And by now it should have already sink into you. But you had to show your rage. You slam the door, kicked everything in your way, and expect me to do--what? I called to order Mcdonalds', asked you if you want anything, but you shrugged me off with your holler saying you dun want anything. Of course, I being STUPID, did not order anything coz he didn't wanna eat so I felt rude if I were to order for myself and let him watch me. By this time, I was already feeling my stomach bloated as I skipped lunch and now dinner too? I usually eat 4 times per day but the whole day I was out in the hot outdoors, dehydrated, tired, not enough food to eat, and yet tortured again like this. I decided to boil water for the cup noodles. All this time, I only got the famous silent treatment. I ate half of the noodles, coz I thought he'd be hungry too, gestured it to him but all I got was a stern no. I put it aside, hoping he'd put he's ego aside too, and eat it. But he didn't.

I had indigestion. My stomach bloated and I fart and burp to ease myself... I got painful. I cried myself to sleep.

He fell asleep too. I woke up and saw him lying motionlessly at the edge of the bed. I gestured him to come nearer. He did so. I wanted a hug from him but he was reluctant. All in all, I felt rejected.

When I told him that we have to go, he got up to his feet and he started his rage agin. By now, my indigestions got worse and my stomach was aching so bad and the nausea kicks in. I hate this kinda thing.

But he just walked ahead, walking for miles wanting to buy ciggarettes and not asking me for any. I trudged along in pain... I was crying as I walked when I thought about the pain, the rejection, the ignorance....

It was the last straw when we were waiting for a cab, he refused and told me off when I told him that it was easier getting a cab on the other side. I couldn't stand it. I shouted at him and left. But he didn't come after me. I was lost, alone, wandering the streets crying and all emotional, in pain... but he was not there.

I realised how much I love him but not getting the same in return.

I'm having the worse pain now, but he wasn't there. He did not even bother to call me to ask if I am ok. He left for jamming. Heartlessly, he did all these.

It makes me feel so useles, unworthy and depressed. All the physical, emotional and mental pain and torture he left me with. Why can't you tell me what's wrong?

I remebered that we use to share alot of aspirations, all the love, our common goals.... You said of a dream to live our lives together with offsprings and all the other craps. I just feel so numb now. I'm sorry. Let me be for now. I'm very tired, weak and I can't take these anymore.

Nap Time!!!!

2007-06-22T00:09:00.000+08:00

How to Fall Asleep Anywhere.

I got this article from Maxim online. I know you guys are not exactly 'angels' when it comes to sleeping early, and I know that we are so guilty of nodding off in front of our computer screen especially after lunch, or slept late last night catching a Primera Liga, Premiership or Champion's League match etc ... So here are some tips to nap.... Just don't get caught!!!

Tip #1: Time
“A good time to nap is around two o’clock,” says NSF spokesperson Kierstan Boyd. “That’s when you have a dip in your circadian rhythms, a drop in energy which will make it easier to doze. But napping anytime after four will screw up your night’s sleep.” Try not to snooze for longer than 30 minutes or you’ll reach the deeper stages of sleep, meaning you’ll be even less alert when you wake up.

Tip #2: Temperature
A warm bus or classroom may make you drowsy, but cool rooms are more conducive to napping because your body temperature drops during sleep (think bears hibernating in the winter). So when no one’s looking, turn down the office thermostat and scoot under your desk with a warm intern.

Tip #3: Total silence
There’s a reason they call it the waking world: It keeps waking you. If you can’t hide in a quiet broom closet, try earplugs or headphones, or put soft music on the radio. Or tune your dial to something less than thrilling—say, an L.A. Clippers game or an organic gardening show. You’ll be rocking in the arms of Morpheus faster than you can say “lacto-ovo vegetarianism.”

If you get caught or sacked from work, dun blame me..... LOL.

Reflections

2007-06-19T12:17:00.000+08:00

Started off high pitch, ended with a wrong note.

Jo reminded me that he's still the sweet guy he was. Bought a bottle of lemon tea for me, we ate our dinner, and went to the hair salon to do our hair together. Sweet uh. Rare moments.

I finally e-mailed the teacher who I was supposed to pass down last night. After weeks of procrastination again, I finally did it. Yeay! Now to wait for the reply.

I had a freaky nightmare. In which I cried again. I dunno why I keep having nightmares and it has become quite frequent now. Am I traumatized by something? Or subconsciously wanting something so bad and fear not having it?

What have I become? Am I ruthlessly trying to do something without taking into consideration what i might affect? Or did I disregard things or people along the way?

Why do I feel restless and un-peaceful.....?

2007-06-16T06:28:00.000+08:00

I can't believe that you haunt me till today. Our lives are never the same anymore. It's like you are in a totally different realm than I am today. You can't survive in the planet I have moved to now. Accept it. What happened was prolly the biggest mistake of our lives and I can't ammend it and neither can you. Your efforts would still be worthless even for a thousand years.

You chose to lead that rugged life of yours. I was just young and naive then. It was just my inquisitive nature and my girl instinct to be liking bad boys like you. Boys. Those were the days I was a meek lil girl. A confused lil girl trapped in the shadows of popularity. Trapped and blinded by detrimental motion. And you got trapped. I got away. You know once you are trapped you can never get out. And I won't wait.

Seriously, no other girl in the right state of mind would. At least not me. Not a girl like me. I was carefree. I wanna do mistakes after mistakes till I won't have to do anymore mistakes. I wanna learn as much as I can till I don't have the ability to. And you know you can't curb that part of me. You tried. You failed. Why won't you just accept it?

I have come a long way from that tattered and torn rag to a piece of rare silk I am today. I am furnished and surrounded with gems who loves me. Don't tear that away. You know you are stuck forever with that ribbon on your head and you can't erase it. It's hard for you, but over the years, have you considered that things change tremendously despite the fact you try to leave them as it is?

Why can't you leave my gems alone? Why do you need to find out how I am doing? Don't wreck my already mended life. I don't wanna sink in there anymore. I can't. I'm not who you used to know. That girl is dead long ago. She is burried in books. She is dead. Get it in your head. I am not her.

I have my solitaire diamond with me. He'll cut you deep if you dare.

I can't believe this is raking up again........

Final Theory

2007-06-14T23:15:00.001+08:00

Another unproductive day... I can't believe how time flies when I'm doing nothing. I was clearing my room, trying to ORGANISE my stuffs... Effort really. Coz I gave up halfway.. when it's not even halfway there. Ok ok, I'll do it tomorrow. Wait, I have to go to school tomorrow to sort out my Kosmos. Then I guess, over the weekends then. Gosh, I have been procrastinating since the hols started. I just can't shake off this habit...

Jo failed his FTT, much to his utter disappointment... His face was as if a dog just peed on it. Fugly. I tried to cheer him up. Guess over dinner, I told him short anecdotes about my galpals' lives and how they failed and picked up the pieces. So it got his mind off FTT and started joking like he would, ridiculing people like he always do....

Well, failing FTT isn't bad as failing a marriage. It squeezes my heart that my closest galpals, 3 out of 4, went through that overwhelming, depressing point in time when suddenly you are left all alone and lost. Scary. I could never walk their shoes to know how it feels exactly, but their stories teared me already. It couldn't be as bad as failing FTT definitely.

I guess all this boils down to how you view your life to be. Can't let little bumps on the road swerve you. Look ahead at the oncoming traffic and always be vigilant. Life is like driving through roads in Malaysia. There are always potholes, bumps, cracks and what-nots, so it's up to the driver to drive as smoothly as he can. LOL.

On serious note, how bad can this be??? Just sleep it off and you'll be better the next morning.

Family Trip to Batam

2007-06-13T15:40:00.001+08:00

After much persuasion from mom, dad finally decided it's not a bad idea afterall. Though he was quite pessimistic, at least he wasn't showing... It's our first family trip after more than 10 years I think... We woke up early... My bros were the ones who were being girls, taking such a long time to get ready....

So we reached Habour Front, and boarded Batam Fast, Asia's Favourite Ferry Operater (as advertised everywhere) and sat at the outdoor passenger area....

Dad came back from night shift so he got himself cosy and stretch himself on the seats and slept throughout the journey... While my sibs and I frolick around the ferry while on board, cept for Aisyah who was stiff (seasick) ...

We moved past Sentosa's battery fortress..

and the beaches...... Then it rained heavily.... Mum and Aisyah moved indoor so that they won't get wet.. But my Bros and I thrived the rain and got wet... After about an hour of so.... We reached our destination...... BATAM!!!

We decided to shop at Mega-Mall itself. Oh btw, check out the headines of the BatamNews.

If you can read Malay/Indonesian, you'd prolly be taken aback for awhile, then laugh your heads off.

Lunch was on top of the list.... We ate at Ayam Penyet... wonder why, when we could always eat Ayam Penyet at the S'pore outlets.... Then we dived ourselves into shopping.... At Matahari (something like Metro, Isetan department store)

But most of the time was spent in the Hypermart... They have the coolest things like Body Mists and perfumes... smelling like Escada, Hugo and what nots.... And funny foodstuffs... Their pharmacy department is so huge... They have many-to-choose-from medications just for headaches alone... Panadol is rolling its shutters down over there! And of course cheap too!

Example of prices would be: Sunsilk Shampoo - SGD 3

Instant noodles - Less than 10cents per packet

Cut Fruits - Less than a dollar

Cotton Blend Tshirts - Less than SGD 4

So naturally my mom got crazy... she shopped so much in the Hypermart....

and that was not all... some were in out bags... Yeah, my mom was contented, but my dad was tired.... We started off carrying only 3 bags in... At the end of the shopping spree, the bags sort of 'gave birth'.....

And so we sat down for dinner while waiting for the ferry at A&W's!!! Root Beer Float, Waffle Ice-cream, Sausage Melts... Yummy....

Finally we headed home.. all tired....

Although it was only for a day, it has been emotional for me. My family never got out for holidays or anything for the longest time (cept for Hari Raya Gatherings). Else we would be too busy with work, our social lives, school.... no time for family. So 12th June 2007, is a moment I'd cheris

For more pics, pls go to http://elfjajohannus.multiply.com/

2007-06-11T13:06:00.000+08:00

Another weekend burned like wild fire....

Saturday, I stopped over at Hanis' Place for her engagement. At least now Baby knows how it feels to travel to and fro and let the humanity in him decide how far it is... If I'm late, it's purely coz it is really faaarrrr.

Well, I met up with my Northerners and we ate at Waroeng Penyet in Parkway Parade. I thought that Ayam Penyet Ria is definitely better. The sambal is edible at Waroeng Penyet tho. Ayam Penyet Ria's is like swallowing a globlet of fire.... you need Harry Porter to spray you with gallons of water down your throat after that....

We were supposed to find the large tree at Tanah Merah (near Expo) for our "adventure".... However we couldn't find it. Then someone suggested Punggol. Or whatever. Then finally we made the decision to Changi Village. Chill out by the beach, and we were such a rowdy bunch of teenagers. We squeeled, screamed, fought, pinch each other's hands, cheated and bluff our way through in our card games.

At the end of the day, everyone was perspiring like as if we played the egg-and-spoon telematch... but really, all we did was sit our asses playing heart attack. How healthy!

No holidays?

2007-06-09T12:20:00.001+08:00

Week 2 of the holidays and I still haven't done anything productive cept for reading books and novels. Gosh, what a geek.

I was supposed to swim yesterday but instead, went to help Jo with his presentation for today.

My Batam trip with mom got cancelled coz dad kinda disagree to us going there... Well, he wasn't able to come along so he prolly felt left out. LOL. But I wanna go! Shucks. Prolly I'll ask my classmates... This is so booooring. Whyyyy???

Jo's not able to take leave so there.. No Holiday plans.... Boo hoo..... This is the first time in 3 years that I didn't go somewhere bagpacking or whatever during June... Yikes.

2007-06-02T01:40:00.000+08:00

I thought I'd just rattle off some stuffs that had been going on in my head....

I thought. The older you are, the lonelier you get. You suddenly feel that you no longer possess that aura or circumference of people who share the same common goals. Especially now that I have gone on to the REAL world. The career world. The rat race.Whatever analogies that come along with it. Somehow, all that is testified today.

Suddenly, you're choked up in this room where everything is smoky, cloudy... depending on how you view it. You are alone. You can't call for help anymore. The more you wanna share your troubles with someone, especially those that have been together through thick and thin with you, seem so distant. They moved on. You choose to stay. You try to summon your 'kakis'.... But it seemed that you're the only one making the effort. You are no longer of their importance. They slipped away, one by one, you lose their names, faith, love, sense of belonging. You are alone.

Could you have attribute it to your own doing? Maybe. Was it because you show no emotion or love or anything that makes sense? Maybe. Could it because prior to this, you pay no attention to them either? Could be.

It's too late to make ammends. You try. You seem to fail. Have you? Are you losing them? Now you're all alone. Stand up. Straighten up your shirt. Let's see if you can do this.
Guess I must have been frustrated. And the more I thought about it, the more I sink into the dark smoky, cloudy room.....

Mississippi Gardens

2007-06-01T01:08:00.000+08:00

We went SWIMMING!!!!! Cept for Jo who was being a spoil-sport, me, K and Hafiz had so much fun wading in the LAZY POOL and 'riding' the waves... Bintan, here we come...

So I punished Jo for being a spoil-sport by wearing a pair of goggles which I just bought for him....

And then there is Hafiz... aka 'The Float'.... Whahahaha......

Should have more of these kinda things...... Or maybe I need a life....

The Beginning I: Weeks of Crawling

2007-05-22T22:05:00.000+08:00

I'm starting a new beginning... It's a whole life and more... I hate to leave this bliss I am currently in. PESS... Where it all begins. Now I have to leave it ALL.....

Done 10 weeks practicum in SLPS. Not too sure if heading to a different school means I should heave a sigh of relief or be brooding in misery.... Well, I hope it's not gonna be THAT bad.
SLPS have taught me in one way or another, being contantly up and running on my feet, always ready for unready-ness, do work in a small area,

Sharing spaces, being considerate and tolerant,

I missed my friends in practicum.... especially Gillian aka Mummy. I missed my kids...

Now I'm posted to Wellington. No, not New Zealand, I wish.... It's in a dark corner of Sembawang.... Hopefully it would be a new and positive environment.... Let's hope and pray.

It's a whole new beginning as a BT, challenging and all the realities sinking in. Yikes... What have I got myself into..... Anw, I'm excited... But I'm more excited now.... HOLIDAAAAAYYYSSS!!!!!!!!